Vehicles that fail...

[Ezbok58a]

Since my job requires me to drive a wide variety of vehicles, I have come to know a good deal about these vehicles, some good, some bad. Now I share with you the vehicles I've driven that absolutely fail at life. Whether its the entire car, transmissions, whatever, I'll tell you exactly which vehicles you should avoid at all costs...consider it my own journalistic review of these vehicles (all they really do is state their opinion on the vehicles they test, so this isn't any different...) So now in no particular order I present to you...

Ezbok58a's vehicles that fail...


Audi R8 Autostick


Before you start bitching that I think the R8 fails, take a look at the entire thing. There are two transmissions available for the R8, a traditional 6spd manual, and the loathed Autostick. The Autostick is a hybrid automatic trans that thinks and acts like its a manual... it has 3 gear positions...neutral, reverse and left. (thats right, it has a left...:retard: ) Starting out the engine revs and pulls you along like a normal auto vehicle, until it hits 3500rpms at which point the revs dip and the car briefly looses momentum. Whats happening is the car is pushing its own clutch in and changing gear...this normally wouldn't be too bad, except when it grabs second it snaps your neck back. And that's no matter how easy you do it. If you have enough money for a R8, for the love of all that's holy, get the 6spd manual.

Volkswagen Eos

This car FUCKING BLOWS. It rivals the New Beetle for absolute gayness :teehee: the 2.0 Turbo 4 is absolutely gutless, and the 6spd manual is one of the worst I've ever had the displeasure of driving. You can't accurately judge whether the clutch is grabbing till its too late (and by then you've just violently stalled in the middle of a manhattan intersection). The 3.2 is even worse since it always wants to take off like a rocket, no matter how gently you get on the acclerator it will spin the front tires, torquesteer and take off. The seats are uncomfortable, the Navigation system was designed and programed by retarded monkeys since it won't find the building down the block, or tell you the shortest distance to get to the place down the block is to make 3 lefts, a right and continue on for 5 miles before it recalibrates itself and sends you back the way you came... :wtf:
If you are actually interested in the Eos, and are a guy, may I suggest stabbing yourself in the heart with a sharp rusty spoon as a better alternative.

Honda CR-V

The blind spots on this monstrosity are appauling. No matter how you position your mirrors you will never, ever be able to see the car you end up smashing into when you change lanes, You have better visibility out of a Semi carrying two trailers than with this thing. On top of that it's fairly hideous looking, and offers a split personality as far as ride goes. It thinks its a car, it drives like a car, but its not a car, its a top heavy SUV. And when you're constantly changing from one vehicle to another, is lulls you into a false sense of comfort...until you move this thing around. If considering this one, for your own safety, get something else...thats how bad the blindspots are.

Honda Ridgeline

I've been in Convert's that don't have as much cowl shake as this Pile of Shit. Even the smallest bump shakes the interior to pieces (actually a trim piece around the radio fell off after it hit a pothole at about 10mph, honda build quality my ass:rant: ), the ride is anything but mixed, its a combination of Box body panther floatyness and solid suspension rough when over anything other than a smooth road. Not to mention the unbearable tire roar. If you're considering this, better off saving your money for a real fucking truck.

Suzuki Grand Vitara

This SUV is absolutely pointless for Suzuki. Especially since they have the new XL7 which is WORLDS better than this pile of crap. The XL7 has more power, is larger and more comfortable, yet gets even better gas mileage than this thing :wtf: not to mention this thing is incredibly ugly.

VW Touareg

I don't know what the fuck VW did to the Touareg being its pretty much Identical to the Audi Q7, but the Touareg does everything the Audi does worse. The seats are made out of stone and will murder your back after a half hour in them, it feels unbearably cheap, and even with the suspesion set to comfort, the ride will still break your back. Not to mention it still has the same brilliant navigation system found in the VW Eos (a folding map works better) I say avoid this at all costs, its not worth it.

2007 Audi TT 2.0t, Audi S6, Audi S8



This is another one of those oddball situations. Do not even bother looking at these vehicles if they're 07 or earlier models, because the computer tuning on these cars is borderline dangerous. They have potentially leathal throttle lag (it actually took 1.5 seconds for the S6 to respond to me giving it throttle). Granted the new 08's we're getting in don't have this problem, but avoid it if its a 07 or earlier, the throttle lag is that bad.

Mitsubishi Lancer GTS

Absolutely without a doubt one of the worst vehicles I've ever had to drive. The CVT trans will rev the engine to about 6000rpms and hold it there for a good 15 seconds. And listening to the gutless, whiney 2.5l 4cyl engine at that high rpms for so goddamned long is enough to tempt you to just slam the car into park in the hopes that you blow the transmission all over the road so you end the constant buzzing. But wait, there's more! :retard: The car can't get out of it's own way, the interior quality and comfort is unbearable for anything more than 4 minutes. Nothing fits, there are gaps everywhere....its appauling. My Vic is put together better and looks a hell of a lot nicer than the Lancer. If you are actually considering any version of the new lancer, please just take a large caliber handgun, put it under your jaw and blow your brains out. Because only a absolute Fucking moron would want one of these things...

Lancer Evolution SE

If you thought my review on the Lancer GTS was bad, well its going to get worse... The Evo SE is another steaming pile of shit from that wonderful brand Mitsubishi. Loved everywhere by Fast and Furious Morons, it's a cult hit. And a fucking waste of materials. The engine makes absolutely no power until you get into the boost, and even then its not spectacular. It won't hold a hill if its life depended on it and the interior is even worse than the GTS (I know, it shocked me too.) The WRX STi is lightyears better than this pile of waste, don't be sucked in by the morons, avoid at all costs...

VW Golf GTI

The absolute worst clutch/transmission I've had to deal with. This is the only car out there that will actually make you screw up the 5-6 upshift, I didn't think it was possible but it does it (likes to go to 4th instead of 6th, actually have to force the damned thing). And the clutch like I said sucks hairy donkey balls.

VW New Beetle

Or as it's known at work "THE CAR OF MASCULINITY" if you're a woman, this car is perfect for you. If you're a guy, its the ugliest thing ever made. And if you are a guy and you own one....you're gay. It looks like a giant ball sack, is powered by a overweight hampster running in a wheel, and like I said before, is very, very gay.

[Peter3hg]

You need to learn to drive "stick" better. I have driven the 6 speed 'box from the Golf and the Eos in various cars and it is a good box. Ok so it isn't the smoothest clutch ever but if you stall it then it is you, not the car.

[Ezbok58a]

Originally Posted by Peter3hg

You need to learn to drive "stick" better. I have driven the 6 speed 'box from the Golf and the Eos in various cars and it is a good box. Ok so it isn't the smoothest clutch ever but if you stall it then it is you, not the car.

No, it's the car.

I can drive a 6spd R8, RS4, S4 ect with no problems what so ever in Manhattan traffic, as can the rest of the drivers at work.

Give us a Eos, or a GTI and we'll stall it 4 times before we even leave our own parking lot.

VW manual transmissions absolutely blow, if the 6spd R8 is a better car to drive in Manhattan traffic than a 6spd VW Eos, then there's a big problem with how VWs transmissions work.

[teletubby-warrior]

Where do you work?

[Ezbok58a]

The Company name is Specialty Transport Inc.

We deliver vehicles to automotive journalists so they could drive and review them.

However the Pay sucks, and we get no benifits, because of that, I'm still looking for another job...

[Cobol74]

Ezbok58a I notice that these are all foreign to your market place, and perhaps there have been some good imports too?

[Ezbok58a]

Originally Posted by Cobol74

Ezbok58a I notice that these are all foreign to your market place, and perhaps there have been some good imports too?

There are, I just wanted to tell everyone which vehicles suck before I tell you which vehicles are great (S4, RS4, 6spd R8, Q7, 2008 TT, 08 S6, 08 S8, A8s, XL7, SX4, Galant, Civic, Accord ect... )

[Cobol74]

What about US makes - good/Bad? You really should get a chance to drive some Euro Fords - great stuff, especially the transmission and handling on them.

[Ezbok58a]

Originally Posted by Cobol74

What about US makes - good/Bad? You really should get a chance to drive some Euro Fords - great stuff, especially the transmission and handling on them.

Don't have any US makes at work (they're all handled by private firms, not with companies like ours...don't know why)

And I can't drive Euro Fords, because we don't sell Euro Fords here. So we have no reason to have Euro fords in the fleet

[Cobol74]

Your loss - they really sre - for the dosh (er, that means money) obviously - great stuff. Some OPELS/Vauxhalls are quite nifty too.

[eltoro507]

Those vw transmissions are perfectly fine. One of the better gearboxes out now imho. Maybe a bit more practice?

[thedguy]

What do you do / what type of place do you work for?

edit: how the hell I missed it 4 posts up I don't know.

[No Boss]

Originally Posted by thedguy

What do you do / what type of place do you work for?

Read a few posts up, he explains it.

[Vette Boss]

If anything, I think your post just sums up your own automotive ignorance. Get in touch when you've become accustomed to proper cars, instead of those heaps of junk you think are so much better.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Originally Posted by Vette Boss

If anything, I think your post just sums up your own automotive ignorance. Get in touch when you've become accustomed to proper cars, instead of those heaps of junk you think are so much better.

You think the S4, RS4, 6spd R8, Q7, 2008 TT, 08 S6, 08 S8, A8s, XL7, SX4, Galant, Civic, and Accord are all junk? Either you're crazy or didn't read the Goddamn thread.

[SuperStalin]

Man, you really hate the VW corporation cars...

[Vette Boss]

Originally Posted by BerserkerCatSplat

You think the S4, RS4, 6spd R8, Q7, 2008 TT, 08 S6, 08 S8, A8s, XL7, SX4, Galant, Civic, and Accord are all junk? Either you're crazy or didn't read the Goddamn thread.

No, not in any sense, they're all good cars. The latest ones are probably even better. My post was in response to the original poster. He seems to be just mouthing off about cars he drove around for 15 minutes.

[BerserkerCatSplat]

Originally Posted by Vette Boss

No, not in any sense, they're all good cars. The latest ones are probably even better. My post was in response to the original poster. He seems to be just mouthing off about cars he drove around for 15 minutes.

The cars I listed were the ones he reportedly liked. You said all the cars he likes are junk. What else could I assume.

You don't agree with him, fine. Have you driven all of those vehicles? I have driven a few of them and agree with some of his comments wholeheartedly. He may not be eloquent or tactful, but his opinions are just as biased as any magazine review.