The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

[Polar challenge]
Clarkson: Hammond?
Hammond: Yes?
Clarkson: We're at the north pole!
Hammond: You've done it?
Clarkson: We've done it, we're here.
Hammond: The truck got there?
Clarkson: Yeah, the truck got here, didn't fall through the ice. Presumably you're not that far away?
Hammond: Yeah.
Clarkson: Hang on mate, James wants to say something.
May: Hammond.
Hammond: Yes, mate?
May: May. Bad luck.
Clarkson: *laughs*

James is an excellent practitioner of the all-male phone conversation. :D How I laughed at that one.
 
Budget coupe challenge:

JC:"Should we go back and look for him? ...or should we go to the club and take a drink?"

RH:"Let me put it to you this way...(drives off)".


Same challenge:

JC:"Should we get James something?"

RH:"Nah, it'll get all wet".
 
Jeremy (When Hammond returns after his crash): "OK, the most important thing, I think, really is to make sure this never happens again, you have used up 8 of your 9 lives. So, I've decided that, in the future, the really fast cars, I mean the Lambo's, Ferrari's, Aston Martin's, ... euhm I will look after them, OK." :D

Just the way he says the last sentence, he says it like a mother would do to his child :D
 
JC:
"And yes, while it's true that giving a talk at the Hay-on-Wye literary festival last week, I foolishly joked about driving through a London tunnel at 186 miles an hour.... Not something I'm proud of.... attending a welsh book fair!"

What episode is this from?
 
"it's the car of the future, because it's just like the cars today".. by james may for the honda clarity in s12e7
 
James: "cocked, my dongs is all soggy isn't it?"

dongs is exactly what you think it is if you don't know what they really are :lol:
 
from 12x06 News:

RH:What is that? *reads bottle* 'Synthetic Saliva'?!
JC: *croak*It means that I have just a few minutes of speaking
RH: Oh! So you, like, you need more saliva.
JC: *nods*
RH: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I've no doubt we can oblige with that!
*audience laughter*
RH: How do you know it's synthetic, it isn't just some bloke...*laughs* gobbing into... *mimes spitting into the bottle*
 
From the Top of the Pops comic relief:

Lethal Bizzle playing..
JC: What the FUCK is this?
JM: I think Hammond put it on at the wrong speed.

JC: He said he wanted to borrow a hoe.
JM: Well, maybe he's a farmer.

You just gotta love James' comments :)
 
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Actually, the literal quote is from when he was hosting Have I Got News For You, not sure which exact episode it was :D

I stand corrected ;)

But he did write a column about it
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/jeremy_clarkson/article4038868.ece

On many occasions, the organisers of the Hay-on-Wye literary festival, which is held in a field near Wales every year, have invited me to go along and give a talk. And on an equal number of occasions, I?ve said no.
...

:mrgreen:
 
Jeremy in 8x08 during the van thing:
"Richard really did have a size problem and his van was pretty small as well."
 
From the Vietnam Special:

*Richard is leaning over his bike trying to fix it*

Richard: I binned it, I'm gonna, ow!
*crotchplants*
Richard: I just put... *laughing*
James: So you simultaneously...
Richard: ...my face in your crotch...
James: ...headbutted me in the gentleman's region and snapped the prow off your galleon. You complete numpty, Hammond.
Richard: *is on all fours, still laughing, this entire time*


:roflmao:
 
From S12E08

Woman helping Jeremy: there you go, there you..
*Jeremy stalls*
Woman: You're getting it
Jeremy: yeah its only been an hour and ive done 3 feet
Woman: More acceleration
Jeremy drives out into traffic
Woman: Shit he's going to die

Also
Jeremy at the end of s12e08: "You don't know man, you weren't there!"

Last but not least
Richard when being asked in Vietnamese about road rules: Always give way to cars from the right
*Jeremy laughs his ass off*
 
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From the Vietnam special:

JC: "It's like going on holiday with two idiots..." :lol::lol::lol:
 
I've never laughed so hard in my life than when I watched this:
Season 8 Episode 8, Van Challenge:

Hammond: (In little VW van) "Right, first corner..... Now, it's mid-engined, I reckon I'll give it a bit of the old Scandanavian Flick..." *Instantly flips it*

Hahahahaha, I'm cracking up just thinking about it.

Justice_B, that one was hilarious as well.
 
Basically, Any quote where May hand it to Clarkson.

"You Unsufferable Oaf"
 
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