BlaRo
Little Nudger
What I found the most ammusing with American toilets is, it makes a 'throaty' sound at the end of a flush
That's because it's the toilet threatening you not to fuck with it.
I've used Japanese high-tech toilets before; it was the first time I ever experienced the "joy" of hearing a whirring sound descend from the back of the unit, like an automatic can opener or a car antenna, then having a line of steaming hot water fired with guided-missile precision directly up my asshole. The digital readout on the back of the toilet said that the water was 26 degrees Celsius that day; all I know is that I never intend on going to prison. Ever.
Also, and I apologize to the poor housemaid who had to clean the hotel room that afternoon, the little plastic arm that descends from the toilet has the ability to shoot up to 5 feet out of the bowl to the other side of the bathroom and out the door. If you were strong enough, you could pick up the toilet and use it as a primitive water gun to ward off miscreants.
And I've had the misfortune of using poo-shelf toilets in France and pooping so much that the giant landmass of poo merely sits there; no matter how many times you flush it, the poo-mass just sits there exhibiting all of the signs of continental drift. It's like something out of a bad horror movie.
Also, people who put carpeted toilet-seat liners on their toilets should be tried for crimes against humanity.
Ask me all about poop!
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