The big thread on defecation!

What I found the most ammusing with American toilets is, it makes a 'throaty' sound at the end of a flush :)

That's because it's the toilet threatening you not to fuck with it.

I've used Japanese high-tech toilets before; it was the first time I ever experienced the "joy" of hearing a whirring sound descend from the back of the unit, like an automatic can opener or a car antenna, then having a line of steaming hot water fired with guided-missile precision directly up my asshole. The digital readout on the back of the toilet said that the water was 26 degrees Celsius that day; all I know is that I never intend on going to prison. Ever.

Also, and I apologize to the poor housemaid who had to clean the hotel room that afternoon, the little plastic arm that descends from the toilet has the ability to shoot up to 5 feet out of the bowl to the other side of the bathroom and out the door. If you were strong enough, you could pick up the toilet and use it as a primitive water gun to ward off miscreants.

And I've had the misfortune of using poo-shelf toilets in France and pooping so much that the giant landmass of poo merely sits there; no matter how many times you flush it, the poo-mass just sits there exhibiting all of the signs of continental drift. It's like something out of a bad horror movie.

Also, people who put carpeted toilet-seat liners on their toilets should be tried for crimes against humanity.

Ask me all about poop!
 
Last edited:
*laughs* When I was in high school, I was in Germany and we had never come across toilets like it before...we either called it the "shit shelf" or the "poo plateau" (if we were in mixed company.

The only thing we could come up with was that Germans must love the smell of their own feces. In the...for lack of a better descriptive term..."American" toilets, everything ends up underwater, helping to contain some of the odor, and negating (well...sometimes) the need for a courtesy flush. In the toilets we came across in Germany, Austria, France and Denmark, the whole city block would know if someone shit.
 
And I've had the misfortune of using poo-shelf toilets in France and pooping so much that the giant landmass of poo merely sits there; no matter how many times you flush it, the poo-mass just sits there exhibiting all of the signs of continental drift. It's like something out of a bad horror movie.
Ask me all about poop!

If you want to avoid this situation in the future, try flushing once or twice first. It will prevent stuff from sticking :mrgreen:

(This tip is from experience :lol:)
 
Or, just drink a couple shot glasses of Castrol Syntec with each meal. Improves lavatorial viscocity.
 
another thing : why is it that when a man goes into the ladies room, all the girls are like "AAAAAAghhhhh, get out you pervert", when there's nothing to see anyway.

Girls do everything in the stalls...

If a woman walks into the men's room, there is a chance she may see penis, since we have urinals.
Yet no man ever does "AAAAAAAghhhhh get out you pervert"
 
^they're affraid we would discover they smell as well :p
 
Disgusting question about to plop into the bowl here:

What do you do if you know you should be pooping, but nothing's coming out?

(Besides laxatives and dynamite. I'm fresh out.)
 
another thing : why is it that when a man goes into the ladies room, all the girls are like "AAAAAAghhhhh, get out you pervert", when there's nothing to see anyway.

Girls do everything in the stalls...

If a woman walks into the men's room, there is a chance she may see penis, since we have urinals.
Yet no man ever does "AAAAAAAghhhhh get out you pervert"

I just laugh whenever a dude wanders into the girls' room.

Whenever we wander into the boys' room, it's all shits and giggles. Either someone just has to go that bad, or it's to gawk at that silly thing you stand and piddle in.

Some urinals are quite silly, believe it or not. My favorite here's in the philosophy building--they run the whole length of the wall. I can only imagine that that feels exactly like you're taking a whiz on a wall. It looks like a waterfall when you flush it, too.

And now I'm reminded of the "South Park" episode where someone takes a dook in the urinal. Haha.
 
Last edited:
Some urinals are quite silly, believe it or not. My favorite here's in the philosophy building--they run the whole length of the wall. I can only imagine that that feels exactly like you're taking a whiz on a wall. It looks like a waterfall when you flush it, too.

they're the best ever!!!

just take him out...and let it run...don't have to worry about aiming, don't have to care about leaving drops behind, and most of that type, are flushing constantly, so you don't have to push a button either

i never flush on public urinals, i always have visions of the previous visitor peeing all over the flushbutton....
 
So you're part of the problem, then!

I had to film part of another person's projects (a rather funny fight scene that ended with a swirly) in the men's room.

And I almost gagged next to the stupid urinals! I asked the dudes in the group if anyone ever flushed them and they were like, "um, no...not really."

How on earth do you tolerate that smell to take a lengthy crap?! Good grief!

Luckily it seems as if you flush the toilet, though, so the actor who got a swirly didn't end up with some kind of butt plague on his head.


FTR, I always flush public pots with my shoe. If the flusher is too small or too high, I wrap my hand in TP so I don't have to touch it. Yes, I'm one of "those people" who washes their hands every five seconds and refuses to touch the dumpster lid at the apartment building with my bare hands.

On that topic, it bothers me to no end wnen a toilet splatters when it flushes. Especially those ridiculous automatic pots. If you're too stupid to flush a toilet, you probably shouldn't be having a crap outside of a diaper yet. That splattering nonsense just gives me the willies, like I'm going to get stray poo particles all over my butt.
 
Last edited:
So you're part of the problem, then!

How on earth do you tolerate that smell to take a lengthy crap?! Good grief!

most places already changed their flushing mechanism with an IR sensor. the moment you walk away, it flushes automatically ;)
and if they haven't, they should! i'm not touching the button

and about the crap...i don't...i go at home, even if it means i'll have to give my buttmussles and excercise for the next 5 hours...
 
Hahahahaha...buttmuscles.

I feel like calling someone a buttmuscle today.

Probably Benn. Maybe Caity. But more likely Benn. Yep. Benn is a buttmuscle.

Hahahaha.

- they aren't reading this, thank heavens

P.S.: Automatic urinals seem like a good idea. Automatic toilets are still cruel and unusual devices of torture, invented by Satan himself to fling poo pieces all over the place whenever I reach forward to get some paper or shift my weight to wipe. GRR.
 
Last edited:
Speaking of urinals, I want to be a guy for a day so I can pee here:

2911343060_2794585cca.jpg
 
Why not pee there anyway? :D
 
another thing : why is it that when a man goes into the ladies room, all the girls are like "AAAAAAghhhhh, get out you pervert", when there's nothing to see anyway.

Girls do everything in the stalls...

If a woman walks into the men's room, there is a chance she may see penis, since we have urinals.
Yet no man ever does "AAAAAAAghhhhh get out you pervert"

Because secretly, you really WANT us to "accidentally" see your junk.

Unless you're Redliner or cvrefugee, in which case there's no secret about it. :p
 
Why not pee there anyway? :D

Because in the absence of a she-wee (which I find utterly repulsive for anything other than cold weather camping), the laws of physics would be most disadvantageous.
 
Because in the absence of a she-wee (which I find utterly repulsive for anything other than cold weather camping), the laws of physics would be most disadvantageous.

Um... verging on NSFW here, but it's really not that hard. I'd really rather not get into specifics. But yeah, totally doable. No she-wee needed.
 
There was a commercial around here I saw years ago for one of those Japanese squirt toilets. It was utterly ridiculous... there was a testimony from an old women who described how it energized her :blink:

+rep for anyone who can figure out what I'm talking about. I suck at youtube.
 
Top