Random Thoughts....

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play


Man: I wish those bloody bells would stop.
Wife: Oh, it's quite nice dear, it's Sunday, it's the church.
Man: What about us atheists? Why should we 'ave to listen to that sectarian turmoil?
Wife: You're a lapsed atheist, dear.
Man: The principle's the same. Bleeding C-of-E. The Mohmedans don't come 'round here wavin' bells at us! We don't get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom! Or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintuists don't come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse, shouting slogans...
Wife: All right, don't practice your alliteration on me.
Man: Anyway, when I get my membership card and blazer badge back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive to lodge a protest against that religious racket! Pass the butter knife!
Wife: WHAT??
Man: PASS THE BUTTER KNIFE!! THANK YOU! IF ONLY WE HAD SOME KIND OF MISSILE!
Wife: 'OLD ON, I'LL CLOSE THE WINDOW.
(Sound: Window closing, bells get faint, but are still there)
Man: If only we had some kind of missile, we could take the steam out of those bells.
Wife: Well, you could always use the number 14-St. Joseph-the-somewhat- divine-on-the-hill ballistic missile. It's in the airing cupboard.
Man: What ballistic missile would this be, then?
(Sound: Bells begin to get increasingly louder)
Wife: I made it for you, it's your birthday present!
Man: Just what I wanted, 'ow nice of you to remember, my pet. 'EAR!
Wife: WHAT?
Man: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!
Wife: WHAT?
Man: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!!
Wife: THE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER! OOOH, LOOK!
Man: WHAT?
Wife: THE CHURCH, IT'S GETTING CLOSER! ITS COMING DOWN THE 'ILL!
Man: WHAT A LIBERTY!
Wife: IT'S TURNING INTO OUR LANE!
Man: STRAIGHT THROUGH THE LIGHTS, OF COURSE.
Wife: TYPICAL, YOU BETTER GO PUT IT OUT OF IT'S MISERY.
Man: WHERE'S THIS MISSILE, THEN?
Wife: IT'S IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD. PRESS THE BUTTON MARKED CHURCH!
Man: 'OW DO I AIM IT?
Wife: IT AUTOMATICALLY HOMES IN ON THE NEAREST PLACE OF WORSHIP!
Man: THAT'S ST. MARKS!
Wife: IT ISN'T NOW, LOOK!! OH, ITS OP'NING THE GATE.
Man: WHAT? USE THE MEGAPHONE!
Wife: IT'S OP'NING THE GATE!!
Man: I'LL POP UP THE AIRING CUPBOARD.
Wife: 'HURRY UP, ITS TRAMPLING OVER THE AZALIAS!
(Sound: Missle launch, explosion, bells diminish)
Man: Did I 'it it?
Wife: Yes, right up the aisle.
Man: Well I've always said, There's nothing an agnostic can't do if he really doesn't know whether he believes in anything or not
 
Shortest day of the year today. Length of the day here: 4 hours 4 minutes. :|
 
Twerp128 said:
How do you suck at shoveling? It's a pretty basic skill.
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She's female, small, doesn't work out (from her posts it doesn't seem so), no upper body strength.

Sucks to shovel, then.

Then again, you're talking to a guy whose idea of snow clearing is to lay strip charges and blow the snow off the path.
 
PaperBiro said:
Went to the pet shop, now I has a gerbil!
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I think you've officially out-cuted the cute thread. :wub:
LurkerPatrol said:
When you read this earlier, or if you're reading it now, how many of you went

"Oh yeah it's a South Park reference, heh" and how many of you went

"WTF LP you nipple-eating terrorist maniac?! :blink:"


I'm just curious.
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I got the reference.

(Hmmm...terrorist, eh? You comin' to join me in this here prison? It's quite nice. The big scary lady with hairy pits has only hit on me twice thus far!)

LurkerPatrol said:
I can haz cheezburger sanity?
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No.
Labcoatguy said:
And since when did pokeballs get labels?
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Haha. Poke. Balls.
AiR said:
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr woop!

Badum niips.

Zoot?
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We're done with ours too. Although Mum realised this morning that we forgot to buy Dad the book that he wanted to read, but she said nevermind.
 
I'm actually happy i survived my epically long workday (Who thinks that we'll get people in the store at midnight? That makes no sense!)

Too bad I have to do it again tomorrow!
 
Havent started. Havent thought about it. Dont see the point in wasting money buying rubbish people neither want or need. If my dad wants a book, bottle of wine, new polo shirt, chances are he'll already have it. I'm the same, I don't expect presents because what I want I'll buy myself and whatever presents people do buy me I dont want anyway. Very difficult to get excited about grandma's 2010 UBD street directory (I have one) with free windscreen sun shield.

It's not that I'm staunchy against commercialism or whatever, I just prefer the company of people rather than trying to get in a space race of who can buy the biggest, most expensive present.
 
Red_Bull said:
Havent started. Havent thought about it. Dont see the point in wasting money buying rubbish people neither want or need. If my dad wants a book, bottle of wine, new polo shirt, chances are he'll already have it. I'm the same, I don't expect presents because what I want I'll buy myself and whatever presents people do buy me I dont want anyway. Very difficult to get excited about grandma's 2010 UBD street directory (I have one) with free windscreen sun shield.

It's not that I'm staunchy against commercialism or whatever, I just prefer the company of people rather than trying to get in a space race of who can buy the biggest, most expensive present.
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If you're not excited, then I'll be excited for you, despite you brought the wrong brand street directory (I prefer Melways).
 
(This post was sent to Siberia for being excessively mopey and severely lacking in puffalumpiness. Because of Parkinson's.)
 
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There's always West Texas. You could blow up some sand...mwahahahaha.


Winter Solstice makes me miss the weird short days in WA. Those were fun.
 
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