Clarkson named in top 5 greatest ever wits

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TurnerGTX

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Brits have named Oscar Wilde as the greatest wit - while Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson also has a place in the wittiest top five.

The survey of 3,000 comedy fans named Wilde, who even on his deathbed purportedly muttered "either those curtains go or I do", the wittiest individual of all time.

Top Gear host Clarkson is fourth in the poll - commissioned to mark the launch of digital TV channel Dave - thanks to his caustic humour.

Of Alfa Romeo cars, he once said: "You cannot be a true petrol head until you've owned one...it's like having really great sex that leaves you with an embarrassing itch."

Goon show creator Spike Milligan, who once said: "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy" and whose headstone contains the immortal line "I told you I was ill", came second.
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Top Ten

1. Oscar Wilde

2. Spike Milligan

3. Stephen Fry

4. Jeremy Clarkson

5. Sir Winston Churchill

6. Paul Merton

7. Noel Coward

8. Shakespeare

9. Brian Clough

10. Liam Gallagher

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=70243&in_page_id=34
 
The headline on topgear.com says he's a shining wit. Yet as soon as I saw that my brain immediately transposed it. Would anyway else agree that at times he's also a whining shit? :mrgreen:
 
Liam said about Posh Spice when she went to write her autobiography "She can't chew gum and walk at the same time, so how can she write a book?"

Over here Clarkson's inclusion had the "Speed never kills anyone, its suddenly becoming stationary that kills you" :D
 
upyourego said:
The channel is called DAVE!

That's fab.

http://uktv.co.uk/dave/homepage/sid/5002
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I know! Its awesome. I'm called Dave, and love Top Gear. And they have given it the catch line "The Home Of Witty Banter" which kind of links up with me. I love them even more now.

And I also read about Clarkson's award, and I think he deserved it.
 
I think this is a case where people are confusing stupidity, selfishness, and being an all around jerk-off with great intellect. He's the Howard Stern of the UK, in the end he'll just a half-inch blip in the obituaries.
 
Wow. that list really sucks. No PG Wodehouse? No John Cleese? Etc, etc.
 
upyourego said:
to be honest John Cleese isn't that funny - not anymore anyway - he was funny or at least appeared to be funny but just isn't there anymore.

This list is also which British people other Brits find witty.
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[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsHk9WC7fnQ[/YOUTUBE]
 
He beat Churchill?...AND Shakespeare!? Holy crap that's awesome. I have a feeling that his detractors will be quite cross with this result however :lol: Oh and plus me one for thinking Cleese should replace Gallagher.
 
...in fact, where is Sir John Betjeman, Quentin Crisp, Arnold Bax (he of "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing." )? OK, Bax was a Scot, but how can you leave that out. Similarly Willam Topaz McGonagle ("I don't like publicans. The first man to throw a plate of peas at me was a publican").

Someone pointed out that Oscar Wilde was in fact Irish - albiet a British subject in his lifetime. Debate forth. And Clarkson lives on the Isle of Man - thus a Manxman?

Merton deserves to be there ("What was it that Oscar Wilde said about people who go fox hunting... 'they're just a bunch of toffee-nosed arseholes'? I may be paraphrasing...")

But Gallagher? Er, no.
 
Is Spike Miligan gay? Because if so, that would make Clarkson the wittiest heterosexual in all of Britain, so he can claim he's number one at something at least.
 
damn, that Winston Churchhill line is the best.

I have to say that Clarkson has had many many better lines then the one featured, but whatever.
 
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