An Australian, A Frenchman, and an Englishman...

Tomo Motorsport · November 4th, 2005, 8:40 AM

An Englishman, an Australian and an Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Australian was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Australian in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Frenchman to my back."

jensked · November 4th, 2005, 8:44 AM

Hehe. Classic. I love jokes that start with An Australian, a Frenchman and an Englishman. Or even better are the ones that start with: a Belgian and a Dutchman...

fbc · November 4th, 2005, 8:59 AM

Ultra_Kool_Dude · November 4th, 2005, 9:10 AM

That's a classic. images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Buba · November 4th, 2005, 9:36 AM

Hehe... Nice...

watto · November 4th, 2005, 11:08 AM

flyingfridge · November 4th, 2005, 11:38 AM

Raheel · November 4th, 2005, 11:49 AM

cool one dude....

mgkdk · November 4th, 2005, 7:37 PM

good one

BlaRo · November 4th, 2005, 8:23 PM

Brilliant!

Paddy · November 4th, 2005, 9:04 PM

Classic !

We always get Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman images/smilies/wacko.gif

Renesis · November 4th, 2005, 9:52 PM

hahaha..

anto-t · November 5th, 2005, 1:13 AM

jayjaya29 · November 5th, 2005, 1:54 AM

Hahaha that was gold!!! images/smilies/lol.gif

Tomo Motorsport · November 5th, 2005, 2:30 AM

Here's another one:

Now - the scene is set, a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky. Three hang-glider pilots sitting by the campfire, one from Orstralia, one from Seeth Ifrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous. The night of tales begins.

Kiven the Kiwi says. "I must be the meanest. toughest, heng glider there es. Why, jist the ither day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grabbed the crocodeale and wristeled him to du ground and killed him with by beer hends."

Hansie from Seeth Ifrika who typically can't stand to be betterd said, "Well you guys. I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Nambibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted wid me bare hinds and beet it's hed off ind then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today."

Meanwhile Bazza the Aussies remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis!

Here's a Two nuns jokes:

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!"

freakster_991 · November 5th, 2005, 3:17 AM

haha i think wat final gear needs now are jokes from the country of origin.... why not make a thread of it....

November 4th, 2005, 8:40 AM	#1
Tomo Motorsport Joined: Mar 28th, 2005 Last Online: January 3rd, 2007 Location: Tacoma, WA, USA Posts: 297 Rep Power: 0	An Australian, A Frenchman, and an Englishman... An Englishman, an Australian and an Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Australian was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back. This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Australian in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly. The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked. "Tie the Frenchman to my back." __________________ "The best way to get a law repealed is to enforce it strictly." - Abe Lincoln Ignition Online Magazine

November 4th, 2005, 8:44 AM	#2
jensked Joined: Mar 31st, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Flanders, Belgium Age: 26 Posts: 4,056 Car: RIP Opel Astra -> 2006 Toyota Corolla Wagon Rep Power: 49	Hehe. Classic. I love jokes that start with An Australian, a Frenchman and an Englishman. Or even better are the ones that start with: a Belgian and a Dutchman... __________________

November 4th, 2005, 8:59 AM	#3
fbc Moderator Joined: Jan 8th, 2005 Last Online: November 11th, 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 34 Posts: 11,776 Car: 2006 MY07 Astra SRi Turbo Rep Power: 128	__________________ www.sniffpetrol.com

November 4th, 2005, 9:10 AM	#4
Ultra_Kool_Dude AWESOME!!!111ONE Joined: Oct 4th, 2004 Last Online: August 4th, 2009 Location: Clarkson's House Posts: 3,681 Car: POWERR!!! Rep Power: 0	That's a classic. __________________ What's the difference between charity and socialism? What's the difference between sex and rape?

November 4th, 2005, 9:36 AM	#5
Buba Wants Rick Astley's Babies Joined: Nov 12th, 2004 Last Online: 8:14 AM Location: Regensburg, Bavaria Age: 28 Posts: 6,384 Car: Golf V GTi DSG LFS Status: Rep Power: 51	Hehe... Nice... __________________ [18:11] MXM: it means buba is better than you now [18:12] sam-l: In what way? [18:12] Slycer: longer penis

November 4th, 2005, 11:08 AM	#6
watto Unloved and lacking a title Joined: Jun 13th, 2005 Last Online: 3:33 AM Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 24 Posts: 5,708 Car: MY06 Impreza 2.0R Hatch Rep Power: 73

November 4th, 2005, 11:38 AM	#7
flyingfridge Joined: Jul 1st, 2005 Last Online: June 6th, 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 24 Posts: 2,349 Car: R33 Nissan Skyline GT-R V-Spec, FG Falcon G6 Rep Power: 24	__________________ 1/4 Mile: 12.426 (Calder Park) Winton: 1'38.890 Sandown: 1'27.179 "The old Skyline GT-R felt exciting even when it was in a carwash." - Jeremy Clarkson "Those who know GT-Rs can't explain. Those who don't cannot understand." - frankiess

November 4th, 2005, 11:49 AM	#8
Raheel Photoshop Mod Joined: Mar 21st, 2005 Last Online: November 5th, 2009 Location: London UK, (Pakistani National) Age: 24 Posts: 1,565 Car: Local Busses and Trains Rep Power: 21	cool one dude.... __________________ 3aba7ech5hah: City University Racing

November 4th, 2005, 7:37 PM	#9
mgkdk Moderator In Training Joined: Mar 19th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Denmark Age: 29 Posts: 5,000 Car: Volvo V40 LFS Status: Rep Power: 96	good one __________________ "Danish is cool" - Jeremy Clarkson

November 4th, 2005, 8:23 PM	#10
BlaRo Lady GaGa's #1 Fan Joined: Aug 18th, 2005 Last Online: 12:35 AM Location: Assachusetts Age: 21 Posts: 11,259 Car: 1997 Yamaha Seca II, 1976 Honda CB550F Rep Power: 372	Brilliant! __________________ "It is impossible to describe this kind of performance to the uninitiated. Telling a traffic officer or a safety crusader like Ralph Nader that 100 mph can be safe is like reading the Constitution to a Maoist; it is a strange and hostile concept." -Brock Yates. The body was accidentally unearthed from a shallow grave by construction workers. Because of Parkinson's.

November 4th, 2005, 9:04 PM	#11
Paddy Previously known as Cosworth Joined: Mar 24th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Waterford, Rep of Ireland Age: 23 Posts: 1,992 LFS Status: Rep Power: 42	Classic ! We always get Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman __________________ w: www.pmcgphotos.com e: paddy@pmcgphotos.com

November 4th, 2005, 9:52 PM	#12
Renesis Lazier than Viper Joined: Nov 27th, 2003 Last Online: November 16th, 2009 Location: Quebec, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 9,669 Car: 2007 Pontiac G5 GT LFS Status: Rep Power: 34	hahaha..

November 5th, 2005, 1:13 AM	#13
anto-t Joined: Feb 14th, 2005 Last Online: November 6th, 2009 Location: westport co.mayo ireland Posts: 204 Car: volvo s 60 2.0T Rep Power: 20	__________________

November 5th, 2005, 1:54 AM	#14
jayjaya29 Joined: Mar 18th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Lindenhurst, NY Age: 21 Posts: 5,241 Car: 2000 Nissan Altima Rep Power: 36	Hahaha that was gold!!! __________________ Check out my Gallery. Check out my Car.

November 5th, 2005, 2:30 AM	#15
Tomo Motorsport Joined: Mar 28th, 2005 Last Online: January 3rd, 2007 Location: Tacoma, WA, USA Posts: 297 Rep Power: 0	Here's another one: Now - the scene is set, a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering, stars twinkling in the dark sky. Three hang-glider pilots sitting by the campfire, one from Orstralia, one from Seeth Ifrika and one from New Zulland. Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous. The night of tales begins. Kiven the Kiwi says. "I must be the meanest. toughest, heng glider there es. Why, jist the ither day I linded in a field and scared a crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen close by. I grabbed the crocodeale and wristeled him to du ground and killed him with by beer hends." Hansie from Seeth Ifrika who typically can't stand to be betterd said, "Well you guys. I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a tiny trail, and a Nambibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a move on me. I grebbed de borsted wid me bare hinds and beet it's hed off ind then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm still here today." Meanwhile Bazza the Aussies remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis! Here's a Two nuns jokes: Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!" __________________ "The best way to get a law repealed is to enforce it strictly." - Abe Lincoln Ignition Online Magazine

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November 5th, 2005, 3:17 AM	#16
freakster_991 Joined: Nov 29th, 2004 Last Online: November 14th, 2009 Location: Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia Posts: 589 Rep Power: 21	haha i think wat final gear needs now are jokes from the country of origin.... why not make a thread of it.... __________________ phreaq inc. ® i cant spell....get ovr it..