Funny stuff from tourist guides to Germany ;)

[D-Fence]

A German magazine collected some stuff from tourist guides to our country:


China:

Don´t compliment the Germans. It makes them feel like you are looking down on them and insult them

Never whisper in public. That makes the Germans feel suspicously.

Never stare at Germans, they think you don´t like them.

When going to a fish restaurant in Germany, don´t talk while eating. It´s not polite.

Never order milk for breakfast. Germans think milk for breakfast is an imposition.



America

Don´t smile too much in Germany. Germans need a reason to smile, they are pessimistic and enjoy it. Who smiles too much is suspicious or insane.

Skip the "How are you", because Germans hate gossip. They don´t care if others have a nice day or not.

Germans hate people who break the rules. For example when you don´t stand on the right side of an escalator will be bumped into, run over and shouted at.

Don´t think Germans don´t have humor. They enjoy loud beer fests, cosy wine cellars and street cafes. Drop all your clothes together with the Germans at Oktoberfest or Carnival.



Netherlands

Immediately stop at red and on the Autobahn always get back on the right lane immediately, otherwise whole Germany will really think, that "NL" means "Nur Links (only left)". (I love this one ^^)

Don´t call everyone instantly with his first name, like it is common in the Netherlands. Don´t give strangers three kisses on the cheek, but maintain distance and shake their hand.

Be on time and when invited always bring a present.



Japan

When coming to Germany, a car-kingdom, you should drive for yourself. The Germans keep to the rules so it is easy for us to drive in Germany.

You don´t only get German beer on the Oktoberfest. It is very good everywhere, so that is worth a trip - called in German "Bierreise" (Beer trip). It is certainly interesting to try the special beer in every part of Germany and have a pixilated trip.

The most important words: Guten Tag, Dankeschön und Prost! (Hello, Thanks, and a drinking phrase )




Italy:

The Germans of the new millenium are mostly liberal, travel much and speak surprisingly at least one or two foreign languages.

More specialities: Germans trink a tasteless coffee broth, sort their trash daintily into four seperat containers, hate open doors, trink water with too much sparkling, prefer showers over baths and love their car more than anything else.

Germans celebrate carnival with a Mediterranean airless. This shows, that they are not so strict, as everyone thinks.



Great Britain:

Quality and variety of the German beer are world wide unique. Over 1200 breweries, over the half of them in Bavary - the beer drinkers paradise. In Baden-Württemberg and Rheinland-Pfalz is the beer softer, because people here are used to drinking wine.

Don´t order a beer with the raised forefinger, you might easily get two. Remember: The German starts counting with his thumb.

It is very important to say "Sie" to other persons, not just "Du". Only young people and students don´t care.


France

Big breakfast at noon: Bratwurst (sausage) and beer, later "Le Käsekuchen" (cheese cake (looks like cheese, no worries, no cheese included ) and a Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte (A torte, flan, with chocolate, cherries, alcohol ^^ and some other delightful stuff )
"Lassen Sie kein Trinkgeld auf dem Tisch liegen, drücken Sie es dem Kellner in die Hand und sagen „Stimmt so!“."

Don´t leave the tip on the table. Give it into the waiters hand and say "Stimmt so"

Everybody says Germans have no humor. That´s wrong!



Spain

German weather is very complicated, even in summer. Even in august, always bring a warm pullover, dress in such a way, that you are immune against the very hot temperatures and also the rain.

They don´t just drink wine, it is a luxury thing, which is consumed in a nice atmosphere and in no case just out of the bottle.

You don´t just kiss a German on the right and left cheek. Shake their hand, even small children learn it in Germany. Practice this ritual of the north tribe at home before you go on the trip.







I certainly had a good laugh (I had to translate it)

[Beni]

A German magazine collected some stuff from tourist guides to our country:


China:

Don´t compliment the Germans. It makes them feel like you are looking down on them and insult them

Never whisper in public. That makes the Germans feel suspicously.

Never stare at Germans, they think you don´t like them.

When going to a fish restaurant in Germany, don´t talk while eating. It´s not polite.

Never order milk for breakfast. Germans think milk for breakfast is an imposition.

What a load of rubbish! Except for the staring bit, but who enjoys beeing stared at anyways?

America

Don´t smile too much in Germany. Germans need a reason to smile, they are pessimistic and enjoy it. Who smiles too much is suspicious or insane.

True, grinners get on my nerves!

Skip the "How are you", because Germans hate gossip. They don´t care if others have a nice day or not.

Americans don't care, but ask anyways

Germans hate people who break the rules. For example when you don´t stand on the right side of an escalator will be bumped into, run over and shouted at.

It could happen!

Don´t think Germans don´t have humor. They enjoy loud beer fests, cosy wine cellars and street cafes. Drop all your clothes together with the Germans at Oktoberfest or Carnival.

Carnival has got nothing to do with humour at all



Italy:

The Germans of the new millenium are mostly liberal, travel much and speak surprisingly at least one or two foreign languages.

More specialities: Germans trink a tasteless coffee broth, sort their trash daintily into four seperat containers, hate open doors, trink water with too much sparkling, prefer showers over baths and love their car more than anything else.

True!

Germans celebrate carnival with a Mediterranean airless. This shows, that they are not so strict, as everyone thinks.

Carnival has got nothing to do with humour!



Great Britain:

Don´t order a beer with the raised forefinger, you might easily get two. Remember: The German starts counting with his thumb.

Do we?

[CraigB]

Originally Posted by Beni

Americans don't care, but ask anyways

We do it to be polite and some of us genuinely do care.

BTW, that was some funny stuff...

[ryosuke]

Originally Posted by Beni

nein, we don't.

[mgkdk]

You germans

[wooflepoof]

i care

[swek]

China:

Don´t compliment the Germans. It makes them feel like you are looking down on them and insult them

Uhm yeah right.

When going to a fish restaurant in Germany, don´t talk while eating. It´s not polite.

True, if you do so you will be shot.

Never order milk for breakfast. Germans think milk for breakfast is an imposition.

Absolutely! It's beer 24/7

America

Don´t smile too much in Germany. Germans need a reason to smile, they are pessimistic and enjoy it. Who smiles too much is suspicious or insane.

I tend to agree.

Skip the "How are you", because Germans hate gossip. They don´t care if others have a nice day or not.

Couldn't care less to be honest. It's a case of do or don't

Don´t think Germans don´t have humor. They enjoy loud beer fests, cosy wine cellars and street cafes. Drop all your clothes together with the Germans at Oktoberfest or Carnival.

We don't have those in Northern Germany. When visiting don't ever make the mistake of asking for either. People will roll their eyes behind your back.

Here's ome travel advice from me to you. Don't talk so loudly while on visit. People will consider it rude.

Japan

called in German "Bierreise" (Beer trip).

Nerver heard of any such thing.

Italy:

More specialities: Germans trink a tasteless coffee broth.

At least we don't live with our mothers untill infinity

Great Britain:

It is very important to say "Sie" to other persons, not just "Du". Only young people and students don´t care.

Use English in everyday conversations. People will understand you. Sprinkle it with a few German words like "Danke" and you're fine.


France

Everybody says Germans have no humor. That´s wrong!

Lies!

Spain

Shake their hand, even mall children learn it in Germany. Practice this ritual of the north tribe at home before you go on the trip.

This gets my vote as most ridiculous avice so far. Practice obeying ze rules ja!

[mgkdk]

Originally Posted by swek

France

Everybody says Germans have no humor. That´s wrong!

Lies!

[watisdis]

Originally Posted by swek

Great Britain:

It is very important to say "Sie" to other persons, not just "Du". Only young people and students don´t care.

Use English in everyday conversations. People will understand you. Sprinkle it with a few German words like "Danke" and you're fine.

[/color]

If I visit the the country in attempt to learn/solidify German language skills, will I be fine or should stick to textbooks/internet/mvies/music?

[jayhawk]

Funny replies, Swek.

[D-Fence]

Originally Posted by watisdis

If I visit the the country in attempt to learn/solidify German language skills, will I be fine or should stick to textbooks/internet/mvies/music?

Don´t come here. You will be laughed at, pointed at, painted pink and put on display on the market.

Just kidding


Just come here. I always say that you learn a language by speaking it and staying in the country for a bit. I learned most of my French during holidays over there. Most people try really hard in helping you when you don´t know words and speak English as well...well at least they know some words (Museum? There, right, left, right") As long as you don´t go to people like "Yo Alter sag mal wo is das Museum ey" you will be fine! It´s probably the same way like I felt when going to GB for the first time....I tried really hard and everybody was trying to understand what I was trying to say and very kind. Same thing in the Netherlands. I don´t speak a WORD of their language....well ok I know "bloemen" , but I got along really well. Not like in France where they go like "Aaaaah he doesn´t know our language...haha so we pretend to not understand him" As soon as you TRY speaking French EVERYBODY there is so nice to you, but try the same with like a bit of English or pointing at things....no response by the peasants

[watisdis]

Thanks! Good to know.

[eMKay]

Originally Posted by D-Fence

As soon as you TRY speaking French EVERYBODY there is so nice to you, but try the same with like a bit of English or pointing at things....no response by the peasants

Yeah, In France if you want to be treated well, all you have to do is greet them with a simple "bonjour" (or Bonsoir if it's evening). Everyone thinks the French are rude, they aren't. They just like interaction.

[Roman]

Originally Posted by eMKay

Yeah, In France if you want to be treated well, all you have to do is greet them with a simple "bonjour" (or Bonsoir if it's evening). Everyone thinks the French are rude, they aren't. They just like interaction.

And even when you DO speak the language, they react strongly to your accent if you happen to have one.

"Oh mais c'est charmant votre accent ! D'où est-ce que vous venez ?"

I don't HAVE to ask a French where he is from when I hear one around here though, I can tell...

[epp_b]

Don´t order a beer with the raised forefinger, you might easily get two. Remember: The German starts counting with his thumb.

Do we?

I start with my thumb. I'm sort of remotely of German roots...well, not German-German, but sort of...oh, I dunno

[un-dee]

Part of it is true though. I tend to be pretty un-germanic sometimes (like always asking how are you, smiling a lot and leaving tips on the table), but you sometimes get odd reactions to that from the self-assured pessimists.

Immediately stop at red and on the Autobahn always get back on the right lane immediately, otherwise whole Germany will really think, that "NL" means "Nur Links (only left)".

If you don't, I'm gonna hunt you down for the rest of your life. Seriously.

[mautzel]

@D-Fence: in which magazine did you find that report? (Is it an current issue, and if not, could you scan me the article?)

My comment: some of the points are 100% true, some are utterly rubbish!