I might not have a job or a place to live by the end of the day

[IceBone]

Some of you will know my story, but most won't, since I keep my private life quite close to my chest, but this needs to be said.

My dad is a sadistic bastard. He gave me a job 8 years ago after I, due to my own fault, flunked English uni and was generally in a place in my life I wasn't really comfortable with no direction apart from downhill. He gave me a roof over my head and some financial stability. I suppose that's his one saving grace in all this. But that fact alone doesn't save him from a lifetime of psychological abuse and scare tactics.

The man doesn't behave like a father should. Nothing is ever good enough, nothing he does could possibly be wrong, not once does he even say a simple "thank you" to anything I've done. Never has he said that he's proud of me and apologized for something he's done that's visibly hurt people around him. And still I persisted in trying to appease him or impress him or make him proud, because I was so delusional in my conviction that this family stands a chance of, or is in fact worth, saving. I guess there really is such a thing as Stockholm syndrome.

I won't go into detail as to what was the last straw, but it happened last night and today I'm going to confront him and let all of it out. I don't care how much he yells or raves or even tries to become physical, I'll say my piece, through a wall of tears, if I have to.

I'm still collecting my thoughts, my heart is racing and I'm barely holding back the tears. This will crush my mom, she has done nothing to deserve it, but then again, she's also done nothing to prevent it...

The most likely outcome is that I'll get fired and thrown out of the house, but I plan on leaving calmly and collectedly. I keep telling myself that I'm not afraid of him anymore, but to tell the truth, I'm scared shitless. I will, however, keep my composure and do this. I'm 28 years old, I have no reason to stand here and take the continual abuse that's been pouring my way for as long as I remember. I bet most of my behaviour is in fact a subtle form of rebellion against his authority, which ends today.

My half brother had an easier way out. For starters he lived with his mom (in the same town) and ran off to the capital where he's made a life for himself and is happily married. All of this he did very discretely and under the radar, not wanting to involve him in any way. A few weeks ago him, his sister and me had a meeting to discuss our lives under him, but that's maybe a story for another thread, the point is that it was only at that point that I learned what they had gone through after his divorce with their mom. I really had no idea how difficult they had it.

So after I've composed my little speech, I shall go confront him and this might be the last time in a while you hear from me, even though I do have mobile means of reaching the internet, but this thread won't really be high on my list of priorities.

Wish me luck.

[nicjasno]

I really hope things turn out better than you imagine they will. After all... you are his only epmployee and without you he looses all income aswell. Firing you is not that simple imho. Especially not under slovenian law.

[frankiess]

Once more into the breach, my friends?

[47]

Woah...that's tough.
Good luck, I hope it all turns out for the best.

[Interrobang]

Can he even fire you for having private issues with you? Is that legally possible?

That said, I confronted my asshole-father in my (very) early twenties. If I hadn´t things certainly could have been smoother for me, but I don´t regret it one bit. One of the best things I ever did was to stand up to him and say "you´re not going to have it your way anymore". Bascially haven´t talked to him for over a decade, and I am so much better off then my Sister who didn´t make that step.

From my experience I can only say - you´re doing the right thing. Not the easy thing ... but what right thing ever is. Stand up to him and then try to look forward.

[MWF]

Dude, I for one am rooting for you.

When one is in a less than pleasant situation just planning an escape route relieves so much of the pressure one is feeling. Many of us will have been there with family or work over the years and the sensation of being trapped is the worst part.

Got everything crossed for you.

[IceBone]

Speaking of, got time to hit up skype, matt?

[ashspet]

Good Luck

For later, if worst comes to worst, some of this might be useful longer term (and based on how things work here in Oz, not sure if they are the same there)

Talk to your local Domestic Violence Service or Crisis Service (whether run by the Red Cross, Lifeline, whoever). They might be able to help with:

1) emergency payments from your statutory / government authority. You might not need cash right now, but if you get cut off, you'll still need food / petrol / other essentials. Not sure if / when you would be eligible for them, but worth an ask. Also be aware of charity organisations. Yes, I know some people won't go to them, but they are there for a reason. Some even do short term loans to help people get by. If it isn't a loan, but a grant, you can always keep a record of what you receive, and pay it back / make a donation later.

2) referral to legal / workplace services so you can ensure that you get your entitlements

3) free / temporary / cheap accommodation. Staying with friends can go for so long, but also sometimes if you feel you're imposing or need some time away from them, there might be options out there for you whether short or longer term.

4) access to free / minimal cost counselling. The three of you need it. Regardless of what happens. You also need some constructive debriefing after today. Again, friends can do so much, but trained professionals can also provide referrals or alternative strategies / supports.

5) if you aren't getting kicked out / fired today, start planning an exit strategy.

[thomas]

I hope it all doesn't end as bad as you anticipate it, but in case it does, what you need is a plan where to go and what to do!

I hope you beat the odds and the day ends well.

[Redliner]

Damn, that is terrible news.

Hope everything goes much better than expected.

[frankiess]

At the end of the day, you're a bright-minded fellow. With a bit of cash and camera equipment. And friends all over Europe. Just try not to burn bridges with your father, if that can be helped at all. Oh and remember:



One step at a time. Planning this patiently will yield marvelous results.

[Der Stig]

Good luck and stay strong, dude!

[Labcoatguy]

Damn. Good luck, you've got support all around you, as you can see here.

[Sevs753]

Wow, I hope everything works out for you. Having an abusive parent is definitely not fun to live with.

[Matt2000]

Good luck. We'll be here if you need us, and if you decide to start a travelling circus I'm sure FG can provide some suitable freaks.

[IceBone]

The thing I'd need more now is money than freaks. Do you know any rich freaks? :/

[Dr_Grip]

FinalGear is here for you, whatever we can do. For now, I secons frankiess opinion: You are a bright person with marketable talents. Add to that your support network you should be able to find work somewhere in the EU - and FG will set you up with a place to crash.

[thomas]

Yeah, germany welcomes immigrants form all over the place with free social support and money all the time

[eizbaer]

FinalGear is here for you, whatever we can do. For now, I secons frankiess opinion: You are a bright person with marketable talents. Add to that your support network you should be able to find work somewhere in the EU - and FG will set you up with a place to crash.

most certainly!
i believe you to be more capable than most to make the best of your situation, no matter how things go. and if you need any help, i think there are more than enough people here to help you out

[altoid]