Quandry and unfinished Laundry

[LurkerPatrol]

Edit: Cut down and slashed because of the huge length.

[Lurch0001]

Longest .... post .... ever .....

OK, here's some advice from someone in a similar situation. I started doing Engineering at university. Well, actually, I finished engineering at university, got a degree and everything, even though part of the way through I kinda realised that (a) I wasn't very good at it, (b) it wasn't really fun and (c) the job pays crap. So I finished my degree, worked as an engineer for a year, changed to IT and haven't looked back. I now earn much, much more than I could have as an engineer and am much happier.

So here's my advice: do what *you* want to do. Don't do something you're unhappy with. And that sounds like applying for a withdrawal and going back to do Comp sci. There's no shame in admitting that you made the wrong decision. You just need to be brave enough to admit to all and sundry that, hey, you fucked up, this isn't what you wanted to do and you're going to do something else instead.

Hope that helps.

[BigDaveDogg]

Holy fuck, I think this is the longest post I've seen yet on this forum. Having not read it all, but part of the beginning and one of the paragraphs near the last page (lol) I would do what you think is best for yourself. Advice from others helps, (the internet isn't the first source I'd seek help from, as you seem to have done here) but in the end it's your life. I will say I don't think that you should just stop attending your classes, ultimately getting you kicked out of the school. That wouldn't solve anything.

I think you answered your own question by realizing your passion, or the "love of your life." You wouldn't be the first student to change their major. Good luck...

[Gman333-X-ferrari]

Lurker I understand exactly what you're going through when you say that you have 'controlling parents' as I too am of Indian decent. Exactly the same as you but we're in Australia. =/

Excruciatingly stubborn and highly controlling are some Indian parents. Thankfully my parents aren't as bad as your but I understand your position. Yes, my parents want me to be a doctor or a general practitioner as I prefer to call it.

Ultimately it's your decision. FFS, you're only 20! You've still got a LOT of time ahead of you. Many people descend into highly reputed profession such as Astrophysics because they love (even though not at the time of studying) it. Later on they really "get-into" their work. Trust me, I've met enough such people. BUT, if you don't really like the course then you should stop. BUT THEN, yes I know, your parents...

Well I say STUFF THEM.

Oh, I g2g, good luck man, keep us posted.

[Karoug]

I feel for you dude!! My advice would be: Take a year off, go find a "normal" job, see the world and all that! Then go back to school and either finish what you started or change your major! Life moves on and so should you!!

[ambermorn]

wow, that was a long post and i can sense all the emotion behind it. i can only reiterate the others in saying do what YOU want to do, not what your parents have forced you into doing. don't put up with being unhappy, if you're unhappy learning this then you'd be unhappy working in this field afterwards. don't flunk out, as it may affect your chances of getting into comp. sci. withdraw and explain to your parents that this is what you REALLY want to do. i'm sure they wouldn't want you to be stuck in a field that makes you unhappy.

my parents aren't very controlling in comparison so i don't really have personal advice with how to deal with them. but i really hope you can follow your passion, i'm sure if they understand your enthusiasm for the subject, they'll be happy for you to swap courses. you're not the first one and not the last!

[Red_Bull]

have you discussed your options with Berkeley? I was in a similar situation couple of years ago when I entered into an IT degree and then got bored with it and transferred to Management. If you're fourth year though, it would seem a pity to quit now.

I wanna quit...

[M3lover]

Wow, that was quite a read

Like most others i've had my doubts about my education (chem. ing.). I never really got a passion for any of the classes in high school, but thought chemistry was kinda interesting, and there was/is a great demand for engineers, so that was pretty much the reasons why I started with it. It turned out not to be what I had imagined but I have decided to just take it as it comes. I'm lucky in the respect that my education is extremely diverse in what you can end up doing once you're done, so there should be a chance of ending up doing something I like.
I don't really have any experience with ambitious/controlling parrents since I have been free to do pretty much anything I liked, as long as I did something, so I can't really tell you anyhing about that.
But, without knowing much about it, Astrophysics seems to me as a study with a relatively "narrow" set of oppertunities once you're done. So there's not a very big chance of doing something destinctly different from what you are learning now, and obviously hating?
In that case I think you should cut your losses, and start doing what you really want if it's be possible.
One of my biggest fears is ending up in a job where you wake up everyday and the first thing that comes to your mind is "fuck" (The opporsite situation being one of my dreams).
And how about your financiel situation? being in the US you would need the financiel support of your parrents to continue studying? And do you think they would be willing to provide it, if you do something they don't approve of?

There is a thing i'm a little worried about. When you talk about computer science, web design etc. you seem to glorify it, and see it as the answer to your dreams. But have you really looked into what these educations contain? I know, atleast here in DK that theres a bucket load of math. in it which you don't seem to be very fond about, but I could have gotten the wrong impression on that. But I guess it's another thing when you can relate and use it for something you like.

[fbc]

I can sense the emotion behind all that Lurker - my advice is pretty simple. In your situation I would withdraw from Berkeley manually - that way you're not risking your chances of going back there. Take the time to then try and sort out the situation with your parents - but if you can't, ultimately this is your life to lead - as you said you need to be allowed to make your mistakes, and learn your own lessons (I deferred my uni course, and then dragged it out over a number of years - I'm sure it disappointed my parents, but it was what I needed).

Follow your interests and dreams - that where the true success in life is, not how much money you make, or how big your house is - but how much your life satisfies and fulfills you. Good luck!

[Lambos r4ever]

Lurkerpatrol, I understand what you're going through I'm in a similar situation as well (except I major in chemistry). I can tell you that since you are in your last year anyways, you should just finish what you started so you can prove to yourself that you can overcome any challenge and you won't regret quitting later on. You can even stay an extra semester like a lot of students if that's what it takes to do it and then you could choose whatever program after you graduate.
As for the parents intruding, trust me that's typical of all Indian parents. Calling 2 times a day is a bit much, but I would rather have parents who smother me than having no one to support me. Anyways, good luck with whatever decision you make just make sure you give it a lot of thought. You can PM me if you want to discuss more.

[Hercules286]

TL/DR and I can't even believe so many people did.

[smib]

While it is paramount to do what makes you happy in life, anyone who's been in a situation like Lurker's know that it's almost impossible to do it. If you go to your parents and tell them you want to withdrawal and take a programming course you will get such an unbearable guilt trip. Things along the lines of giving up, being an idiot for studying this subject for all this time if you didn't really like it, especially since you've always been given the "choice" to "do what you really want". Now, no offense here because I truly understand the way this sort of thing feels and the effect it can have, the conversation I just describes would most likely end with you pretending to realize that you're just being silly, and that you will continue with physics and get those grades up and maybe look into programming later. Of course you would end up probably doing even worse than you are now.

This is why I agree with Lambos. By finishing up this year and then moving on to programming as a major, you'll be able to tell your parents to sod off through your actions because you know that you are going to finish this life they want you to have to get them off your back a bit, and then go do what you really want to. You will be able to have the schooling and eventually the career that will make you happy while minimizing your parent's guilt trip ammo. Life isn't like a movie, because as you know, when you finally work up the nerve to try and speak with your parents about all of this, it gets turned around and they end up being more right than ever and you end up feeling worse than ever. The best you can do is move forward knowing that you are working yourself from the hold they have and that it won't be too long before you are in complete control of your life. They will always be there, for better and for worse, and it's now up to you to prove to yourself as much as them that you can and will live your life how you want to, make your mistakes, work through it all and be a better and happier person because of it.

Best of luck Lurker, it will work out as long as you do your part.

EDIT: Hm, just as I clocked the submit button Dyer's Eve by Metallica started playing.

[LurkerPatrol]

Thanks everyone for their input, i appreciate you guys taking the time to read my rantings and whatnot.

The thing about my current situation is that, even if I tried to finish the semester, I would get an F in my stellar astro class, possibly a D or F in my astro lab and an other D or at best C- in my planetary sciences class. Since I'm on academic probation, I'd get kicked out of the university for good, never to be able to return. So there's no choice of "finishing the semester" anymore. It's more of, do I really want to venture into computer science or something different, or do I really want to do astrophysics. Sure I could come back to Berkeley and attempt to do astro again, but a huuuuuge chunk of me feels and knows that I would be repeating the same thing again, no matter how long of a break I take from school. It's not something I want to do.

I'll tell you guys that I love the concepts behind astrophysics and I often do blab about it to people, but part of me thinks that I've also been trained to do that. I've been trained to liking it rather than finding my own passion in it.

I've talked with my roommate about computer science, the level of math involved and difficulty of the courses. Since he and I took AP computer science classes together in high school and he's now doing the computer science major and I've seen him do his work, I could grasp a fairly good understanding of what's expected/required and what it's all about.

Someone mentioned finance, and yes that is an issue, but I'm willing to take up a job and apply for scholarships. I didn't have that much of a chance with scholarships beforehand because of one requirement: citizenship. However just day before yesterday I passed my interview exam for citizenship and I will be taking the oath soon. This will now allow me to apply for more scholarships, and take up federal jobs in the future. I think during this break that I have from Berkeley I'll seek out a job and try to save as much as possible for the term afterwards.

I know that there's still that part of me that goes "don't be silly Physics is what you want", but I keep feeling like thats more of my mother talking rather than myself. I'm sure of it, because its not my mother that knows what I'm capable of, it's me. I know how I am with math and equation manipulation, I know how I am with physics. I suck at it. Really I do. I tried my hardest in my upper div physics classes and I managed a C. I took a quantum mechanics class where 2 graduate students were taking it pass/not pass because of the difficulty, so I knew I wasn't going to pass with flying colors. And this turned out to be one of the lesser challenging physics upper division courses, and I had to take the toughest ones together in the next semester, so I gave up on physics. I'm ready to give up on astro.

I have only one job option for astro: research. That's it. After doing research work with people in UCSD and here, I realized that I don't want to do astro research .

Meh. I set up an appointment with a major advisor, and I will flesh out the details with her on Monday. I guess in the meantime I just have to try to quell my anguish in whatever way I can.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice, it really means a lot to me.

[FATMOUSE]

I went through something reminiscent of this when I switched from Biomedical Engineering/Premed to Computer Science last year. My family (Indian), while somewhat disappointed, ended up supporting me anyways since they realized that it was my life that I'd have to end up living in.

So, to you I say the following:
1. Do the course of action with regards to your school that will let you switch to CS and start over. Whatever that might be.
2. But before you do that, try finishing your Astrophysics degree so the 4 years is not completely gone. But if that is not possible, then that's fine.
3. Explain your decision to your parents, inform them that if that disappoints them that you are sorry, but would like to be living your life the way you want to (because it impacts you the most in the end). They will just have to accept it.

If you want to talk about it, PM me.

Also, if you ever need to know anything about what CS is like, I'm in year 3 of it so I could likely help you out.

[LurkerPatrol]

Thanks man.

Just a quick update: I talked it out with my advisor today and she was glad about my decision and the fact that I knew what I wanted. She agreed that I needed to take a break from class and from school and that this would be a good chance to breathe and take some classes for the sake of interest and what-have-you.

You were all right when you said that I should persist with Astrophysics. I've come this far, I can't afford to quit now. That was a stupid thing of me to go off about CS. Though it is a passion of mine, Astrophysics is something I am interested in. I've come all this way, I can't back down now.

I have yet to speak to my parents, and I'm a bit afraid but at the same time confident because I know this is what I need right now and I know about my capabilities and disabilities.

Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and advice. I knew I posted in the right place.

Ps. I'll edit the first post since its hella long.