Man accused of having sex with his bicycle. Wait, what?!

Blind_Io · June 25th, 2007, 5:15 PM

http://www.sundaymail.co.uk/news/tm_...name_page.html

Quote:

A MAN has been charged with having sex with his bike.

Robert Stewart was allegedly caught in the act by two terrified cleaners who walked into his bedroom in a hostel.

Stewart has denied the accusation, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The 51-year-old bachelor was charged with the bizarre sexual offence after he was disturbed by the cleaner and her colleague in a private hostel in Ayr.

The charge alleges he conducted himself in a disorderly manner, simulated sex with a bicycle and continued to do so while naked from the waist down in the presence of two female employees.

Stewart had been living in the Aberley House hostel from October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan, Ayrshire.

He moved after a separate sex complaint to which he has pleaded not guilty at Ayr Sheriff Court.

Unemployed Stewart has now left Aberley House and is living in a flat in the centre of Ayr.

Asked about the claim he was simulating sex with the bike, he said: "You'll need to ask the cleaners why they would say that.

"It's a lot of rubbish, a lot of rubbish."

His solicitor Gerry Tierney said last night: "My client denies the allegations and intends to defend the charge vigorously."

A spokeswoman for the Aberley House hostel for the homeless said: "We cannot comment because of client confidentiality."

cvrefugee · June 25th, 2007, 7:19 PM

But those spokes were just, so, SEXY DAMMIT!

Blind_Io · June 25th, 2007, 8:13 PM

I just want to know how. I mean seriously, I think you would risk a rather painful and embarrassing injury trying something like this.

Now if he was having sex with an Aston Martin DB9, I think we would all be much more understanding.

essentialatom · June 25th, 2007, 9:55 PM

Yeah, but that bike's like the village... whore.

ryosuke · June 25th, 2007, 9:57 PM

he should sue the bike for sexual harassment. images/smilies/rolleyes.gif

zaybxcwd12 · June 25th, 2007, 10:00 PM

More interestingly can he go on the sex offenders list?

bartboy9891 · June 25th, 2007, 10:07 PM

You can get charged for this kind of stuff? Is anything he did, though weird, against the law?

ryosuke · June 25th, 2007, 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bartboy9891

You can get charged for this kind of stuff? Is anything he did, though weird, against the law?

i suppose the bike did not consent. images/smilies/wink.gif

zaybxcwd12 · June 25th, 2007, 10:18 PM

"Mr. Stewart can you explain just what exactly you where doing with your bicycle"
"I was riding it your honor"

Momentum57 · June 25th, 2007, 10:21 PM

simulating sex with a bike! Call me naive but what exactly is involved in that and where exactly are you placing your leg.

Ottobon · June 25th, 2007, 10:26 PM

Im going to quess that it doesn't involve the chains or the gears, because that would end up bloody rather fast, maybe the seat was made of something smooth and he rubbed himself against it or something

How is this political though? What do conservative stand up for bikes rights were liberals find that one should be able to abuse their own property in any manner they see fit?

Blind_Io · June 25th, 2007, 10:28 PM

Bicycle froterism != Sex

fbc · June 25th, 2007, 10:49 PM

That poor, innocent, unsuspecting bike.

eddysdaman · June 26th, 2007, 6:16 AM

They should make an infomercial to stop this kind of behaviour immediately. I mean ... think of the kids!

The_Finn · June 26th, 2007, 6:22 AM

I would immagine it's not so much the simulating sex with the bike as simulating sex with the bike infront of 2 female cleaning ladies (and not stoping when he was discovered)

Lurch0001 · June 26th, 2007, 7:12 AM

Does this make him a cyclephile?

phuckingduck · June 26th, 2007, 7:49 AM

http://www.globalbikesonline.com/catalog/images/N-seasy-seat.jpg

I'm thinking, if your equipment is small enough, you could wedge.....

I'll keep that to myself images/smilies/smile.gif

essentialatom · June 26th, 2007, 9:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lurch0001

Does this make him a cyclephile?

Or maybe a pedalphile.

That was the worst thing I've ever said in my life.

Blind_Io · June 26th, 2007, 11:00 AM

^ That's awesome! I know I'm going to hell for some of the stuff I've said, want me to save you a seat?

essentialatom · June 26th, 2007, 12:02 PM

Sure thing! If you're going to hell, you might as well do it in comfort images/smilies/tongue.gif

June 25th, 2007, 8:13 PM	#3
Blind_Io Dispenses buckshot medication for all undead patients. Joined: Apr 5th, 2006 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Utah, USA Age: 28 Posts: 10,993 Car: 2006 Nissan X-Terra - 2000 VFR800 Interceptor Rep Power: 266	I just want to know how. I mean seriously, I think you would risk a rather painful and embarrassing injury trying something like this. Now if he was having sex with an Aston Martin DB9, I think we would all be much more understanding. __________________ War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength

June 25th, 2007, 9:57 PM	#5
ryosuke Joined: Jul 28th, 2005 Last Online: November 15th, 2008 Location: franconofurd, germsmany Age: 24 Posts: 1,618 Car: FZ50 GTR Rep Power: 19	he should sue the bike for sexual harassment. __________________ Goddo supiido yuu! Burakku emparaa

June 25th, 2007, 10:07 PM	#7
bartboy9891 I'm not Moe Joined: Dec 1st, 2004 Last Online: 1:33 AM Location: University of Michigan Age: 20 Posts: 8,810 Car: 1996 Grand Am SE sedan, and dad's 2006 S60 2.5T Rep Power: 79	You can get charged for this kind of stuff? Is anything he did, though weird, against the law? __________________

June 25th, 2007, 10:21 PM	#10
Momentum57 worships the 2010 Prius like a god Joined: Aug 26th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Manlius Outside of Syracuse Age: 25 Posts: 1,405 Car: Jaguar X-Type 3.0 Rep Power: 29	simulating sex with a bike! Call me naive but what exactly is involved in that and where exactly are you placing your leg. __________________

June 25th, 2007, 10:28 PM	#12
Blind_Io Dispenses buckshot medication for all undead patients. Joined: Apr 5th, 2006 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Utah, USA Age: 28 Posts: 10,993 Car: 2006 Nissan X-Terra - 2000 VFR800 Interceptor Rep Power: 266	Bicycle froterism != Sex __________________ War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength

June 25th, 2007, 7:19 PM	#2
cvrefugee Joined: Aug 16th, 2004 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Corona, CA Age: 29 Posts: 3,761 Car: 2005 Scion xB Rep Power: 86	But those spokes were just, so, SEXY DAMMIT!

June 25th, 2007, 9:55 PM	#4
essentialatom Joined: Jun 29th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Solihull / Warwick University Age: 21 Posts: 539 Car: None any more, my brother pranged it a bit... Rep Power: 21	Yeah, but that bike's like the village... whore.

June 25th, 2007, 10:00 PM	#6
zaybxcwd12 Joined: Jul 17th, 2006 Last Online: November 16th, 2009 Location: Newcastle u Tyne Uk Age: 40 Posts: 825 Car: 2008 VW Touran S Rep Power: 16	More interestingly can he go on the sex offenders list?

June 25th, 2007, 10:18 PM	#9
zaybxcwd12 Joined: Jul 17th, 2006 Last Online: November 16th, 2009 Location: Newcastle u Tyne Uk Age: 40 Posts: 825 Car: 2008 VW Touran S Rep Power: 16	"Mr. Stewart can you explain just what exactly you where doing with your bicycle" "I was riding it your honor"

June 25th, 2007, 10:26 PM	#11
Ottobon Banned Joined: Nov 27th, 2005 Last Online: May 27th, 2009 Location: Detriot Metro Area Posts: 3,313 Car: 2 Rust buckets and a confused 1999 American. Rep Power: 0	Im going to quess that it doesn't involve the chains or the gears, because that would end up bloody rather fast, maybe the seat was made of something smooth and he rubbed himself against it or something How is this political though? What do conservative stand up for bikes rights were liberals find that one should be able to abuse their own property in any manner they see fit?

June 25th, 2007, 10:49 PM	#13
fbc Moderator Joined: Jan 8th, 2005 Last Online: November 11th, 2009 Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 34 Posts: 11,776 Car: 2006 MY07 Astra SRi Turbo Rep Power: 128	That poor, innocent, unsuspecting bike. __________________ www.sniffpetrol.com

June 26th, 2007, 6:16 AM	#14
eddysdaman Joined: Mar 19th, 2005 Last Online: 3:04 AM Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 20 Posts: 887 Car: 01' Mitsubishi Lancer Rep Power: 31	They should make an infomercial to stop this kind of behaviour immediately. I mean ... think of the kids! __________________ DTi Online - New and Used Car Reviews For Aussies BY Aussies If you click me - I can win stuff.... and my happiness is your happiness - especially if it ends with the destruction of a Hummer Limo.

June 26th, 2007, 6:22 AM	#15
The_Finn Joined: Feb 7th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Worcestersheshershire MA Age: 28 Posts: 3,415 Car: 1988 Mazda 323 GTX / 1997 Saab 900s Rep Power: 57	I would immagine it's not so much the simulating sex with the bike as simulating sex with the bike infront of 2 female cleaning ladies (and not stoping when he was discovered) __________________ Proud owner of a 1988 mazda 323 GTX: The ~~poor~~ rich mans evo... "My laptop has a webcam; if I wanted to make money while making a mess, I'd be all over the internet. Hell, you'd probably have videos of me bookmarked." ~Klutch~ “Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports ... all others are games.” ~Ernest Hemingway~ It's all about having the right priorities. You can sleep in your car but you can't race your house -\|- Basically i go accurately and on special lines

June 26th, 2007, 7:12 AM	#16
Lurch0001 Joined: Aug 12th, 2005 Last Online: November 20th, 2009 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 519 Rep Power: 22	Does this make him a cyclephile?

June 26th, 2007, 7:49 AM	#17
phuckingduck is awesome! Joined: Mar 1st, 2007 Last Online: November 20th, 2009 Location: Seattle, WA, USA Posts: 2,424 Car: '03 Volvo S60 AWD Rep Power: 69	I'm thinking, if your equipment is small enough, you could wedge..... I'll keep that to myself

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June 26th, 2007, 11:00 AM	#19
Blind_Io Dispenses buckshot medication for all undead patients. Joined: Apr 5th, 2006 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Utah, USA Age: 28 Posts: 10,993 Car: 2006 Nissan X-Terra - 2000 VFR800 Interceptor Rep Power: 266	^ That's awesome! I know I'm going to hell for some of the stuff I've said, want me to save you a seat? __________________ War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength

June 26th, 2007, 12:02 PM	#20
essentialatom Joined: Jun 29th, 2005 Last Online: Yesterday Location: Solihull / Warwick University Age: 21 Posts: 539 Car: None any more, my brother pranged it a bit... Rep Power: 21	Sure thing! If you're going to hell, you might as well do it in comfort

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