Top work, Beeb. Your jalopy will go from 60m viewers to 0 in a trice
Hugely disappointed with the news about Top Gear. I genuinely hoped the BBC would have had the guts to remodel the programme along the lines that its overpaid, inept, liberal, white middleclass and largely male executives would have found more politically appropriate.
No cars in it, for a start -- vile things, cars. With the planet rapidly burning to a crisp and the polar bears howling in agony on their melting icebergs, it would be irresponsible to promote the use of these arcane gas-guzzling monsters. Who needs them in London, anyway? Make it about bikes. And get a couple of women to present the thing instead of horrible right-wing, middle-aged blokes. Preferably gay women of colour on bikes pedalling through sub-Saharan Africa and empathising with the many vibrant and yet beleaguered communities they encounter. Perhaps bringing them a goat or two -- I think the budget could stretch to that, no? I reckon that sort of show would really bring in the audience. Or, for a bit of fun, forget the bikes and have gay women of colour helping out on those boats we've sent to the Med to bring as many migrants as possible into the country. Maybe get them to administer first aid. I know we're getting a few strides away from the original idea of the programme but, hell, these are different times, are they not? But no, the BBC execs have eschewed this approach and with the eyes of the world on them, they have chickened out and gone instead for a Clarkson-lite approach -- in what must be a vain attempt to retain at least one in 50 of the programme's previous viewers.
They most definitely did ask Clarkson back -- but having been compared to Jimmy Savile he mysteriously decided to tell them to stuff it. Clarkson's replacement is the personable and gingerish Chris Evans. Evans does not have Clarkson's sharp wit, mordant and indecent humour or air of grouchy rebelliousness. He is, however, what the BBC execs came up with when they pondered: who is a bit like Clarkson (that is, white, male and middle-aged) but not as prone to dissing Argies? They are paying Evans the GDP of an Arab satrapy and are supposedly putting alongside him a nice lady, Jodie Kidd. Jodie is posh as hell, apparently likes cars and will be good for the totty factor, because she's quite fit. Sorry: you think that description is offensive? What else has she done, other than model and pout? There are female car journos, plenty of them -- Zoe Williams at The Guardian springs to mind. But the BBC wants to have its cake and eat it. Make sure a woman is involved, but also make sure she's a bit foxy. We'll deal with the lawsuit when we sack her for being old later on.
Top Gear is not an important issue, I grant you. I rarely watched it -- having no interest in cars -- and am far less likely to watch it now. So, I suspect, is everyone else. It was Clarkson's naughtiness that drew the vast audiences that the BBC now wishes to recoup. Fat chance.
Probably best ignored... if that's possible.
Would have been nicer to be in agreement about better news, but still.
