- Joined
- Aug 21, 2009
- Messages
- 8,138
- Location
- Austin
- Car(s)
- '10 Lulzcer GTS, '84 Porschelump 944, '71 VW 411
Fine, we'll use the Jalopnik: prefix because it'll probably end up there, or elsewhere, or in Fluffy's big nasty pointy teeth. Yep.
My 10th year high school reunion is happening in Seattle. This seems like as good an excuse as any to drive across the country.
Other possible excuses:
Planned highlights:
Right now, I'm in the process of writing a bunch of articles for extra ca--err, because I love you people so, so much, and fixing the Lulzcer up to deal with 5,065 miles of cross-country awesomesauce. I've got a bit of a rattle in the A/C and it needs new tires, a CVT service, an oil change and an alignment. Oh, and Fluffy's collar could use mending. NBD.
I'll be traveling with the boyfriend, who's way too used to sitting in passenger seats and yelling over an intercom. Some Puffalumps will come along to sit on things, too.
FAQ:
1. So, you're going to be out of town?
Not so fast. This is Texas. Housesitters are frequently armed, and you'll lose a testicle if you try it. That's right, I'll ask them to aim right for the nads. Nads bleed a lot. Also, they're full of nerves, so they hurt a lot.
2. No, really, why aren't you flying?
Because flying really sucks. I've seen that route from in the air, and meh. Been there, seen that--at night and during the day. None of the stops (if any) are all that fun. Also, I can't drive a plane. Screw that.
I've driven the route up there before with my parents, so I know that the Panhandle is dull and that's about it. The route back is completely new, though. The Southwest is completely new to me. I'm probably going to get bored, but whatever.
3. Why the Lulzcer?
What, you wanna give me a 911 or something? Because I'd be fine with that, too. The Lulzcer is what the Lulzcer usually is: here, running and available for shenanigans.
4. Dude, high school reunions are lame.
Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion, man. I don't think you understand. I drive a Porsche racecar. It's even red. I don't even have to fake that a la Romy and Michelle. Also, ours is at a pub, so it should at least be better than our prom (or senior dance or whatever it was that we called it that was in some overcrowded building in Ballard).
If there was a way to sneak onto Pacific (I lived next to Kent and never drove this? TRAVESTY), I would. I checked, though--'tis a drag weekend.
5. OMG! You should do [stuff].
I'll consider it, as long as it's mostly legal and doesn't involve eating the brownies in CO, WA or CA.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If--for any reason--anyone feels like funding part of this questionable adventure, I usually blow all of my money on Porsche parts, but won't for this month. This link still works: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=JPTPJR9UY3N42
Anyway, look for updates sometime mid-next-month. I'm venturing into the lands of moisture. Annoying moisture. And cold. Well, for like, a day before leaving. Should be amusing.
My 10th year high school reunion is happening in Seattle. This seems like as good an excuse as any to drive across the country.
Other possible excuses:
- Because I can
- Because flying sucks (sorry, Nugget)
- Because it's like Iron Butt for cars, I think
- Because long distance use is the only thing within-stretched-reason I haven't really done in the Lulzcer yet
- Because Theo Bunny needs to meet his namesake (my carpool from high school--guys, guys, we survived the Pontiac Grand Am)
- Because someone's gotta poop on the Space Needle, and it probably won't be me
- HI JOEL
Planned highlights:
- Independence Pass (highest crossing of the Continental Divide; also really pretty)
- Kikihaus!
- Joelhaus!
- Uh, yeah, there's a high school reunion in there.
- Pacific Coast Highway...like, most of it. I'm going to fart in the ocean. Again.
- Redwoods 'n' stuff.
- Laguna Seca's not too far off the route, so we'll probably stop and drool a bit. It looks like we're getting there on a motorcycle day, though. No Lulzcer on track = sad times, bro. But we'll drool at it.
- I NEED TO TELL CTS-V DRIVING SCHOOL GRADUATE BLAKE Z. RONG ABOUT MY PORSCHE RACECAR. (All caps, because PORSCHE RACECAR.)
- My friend in Santa Monica has a Lotus. I might lick it.
- Some states I haven't been through before on the return trip.
Right now, I'm in the process of writing a bunch of articles for extra ca--err, because I love you people so, so much, and fixing the Lulzcer up to deal with 5,065 miles of cross-country awesomesauce. I've got a bit of a rattle in the A/C and it needs new tires, a CVT service, an oil change and an alignment. Oh, and Fluffy's collar could use mending. NBD.
I'll be traveling with the boyfriend, who's way too used to sitting in passenger seats and yelling over an intercom. Some Puffalumps will come along to sit on things, too.
FAQ:
1. So, you're going to be out of town?
Not so fast. This is Texas. Housesitters are frequently armed, and you'll lose a testicle if you try it. That's right, I'll ask them to aim right for the nads. Nads bleed a lot. Also, they're full of nerves, so they hurt a lot.
2. No, really, why aren't you flying?
Because flying really sucks. I've seen that route from in the air, and meh. Been there, seen that--at night and during the day. None of the stops (if any) are all that fun. Also, I can't drive a plane. Screw that.
I've driven the route up there before with my parents, so I know that the Panhandle is dull and that's about it. The route back is completely new, though. The Southwest is completely new to me. I'm probably going to get bored, but whatever.
3. Why the Lulzcer?
What, you wanna give me a 911 or something? Because I'd be fine with that, too. The Lulzcer is what the Lulzcer usually is: here, running and available for shenanigans.
4. Dude, high school reunions are lame.
Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion, man. I don't think you understand. I drive a Porsche racecar. It's even red. I don't even have to fake that a la Romy and Michelle. Also, ours is at a pub, so it should at least be better than our prom (or senior dance or whatever it was that we called it that was in some overcrowded building in Ballard).
If there was a way to sneak onto Pacific (I lived next to Kent and never drove this? TRAVESTY), I would. I checked, though--'tis a drag weekend.
5. OMG! You should do [stuff].
I'll consider it, as long as it's mostly legal and doesn't involve eating the brownies in CO, WA or CA.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If--for any reason--anyone feels like funding part of this questionable adventure, I usually blow all of my money on Porsche parts, but won't for this month. This link still works: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=JPTPJR9UY3N42
Anyway, look for updates sometime mid-next-month. I'm venturing into the lands of moisture. Annoying moisture. And cold. Well, for like, a day before leaving. Should be amusing.
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