How about a copy of the finest source of news in the East Midlands... the Nottingham Evening Post?
"Yesterday afternoon, someone was shot in St. Ann's (no surprises there, then). The gunman is still at large and is believed to be about to shoot someone minding his own business somewhere in Radford this evening, but none of us have any idea exactly where. Ilkeston still exists and nobody knows why. In better news, two million speeding fines were issued on Nuthall Road on Wednesday morning. That'll teach the bastards. Talking of bastards, we hate students. A lot. We apologise for the loss of today's Su Doku, but the bloke who composes them spent too long in the Irish last night and can't be bothered to turn up for work today. Sport: Nottingham Forest 1, Yeovil Town 3; Notts County 0, Grimsby Town 0; Mansfield Town 0, Rotherham United 7."