Eurovision Song Contest 2011 or "How I learned to Love Belarus!"

AiR

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It's the thread Cowboy have been waiting a whole year for! It's only a few days away and I am happy to tell you we have a smashing contest this year! We have amazing singing from France that is almost too good to be in the contest, we have suggestive beats from Germany and amazing propaganda from Belarus and Jerkwad brings their hairspray all the way from Ireland! Of course we have a bunch of delightfully awful songs too as ideal times to empty your bladder!

This year presented in snazzy recap format giving you all songs in under 6 minutes.

Semi Final 1!


Poland
Poland starts off with selling us some premium sluts! And why not, I mean show me a man that does not love a good slut? Might not be the best. Might qualify, but not win.

Norway
Norway thinks it's Waka-waka time and maybe it is! Refreshing litte tune, and you remember the haba-haba, but I don't think it'll win. It'll probably wakawaka itself through to the final.

Albania
Albania is very scary. She wants to share her song with me and show me the dance of her people. Video was directed by the tourist commission.

Armenia
Armenia is far far away and there they talk BOOM BOOM SHAKA SHAKA! Nothing else to say.

Turkey
According to unverified history, Turkey invented cabbage rolls and is the worlds largest bird. They also have a steady track record of sending modern songs with a little turkish twist! This years entry is about giving yourself a rock break, which I'm sure we all can agree is a good thing. Will naturally qualify and and get 12 points from Germany (I think the host gets to vote all the time? I might be wrong)! Else I will eat a Xbox. Winner? Nah.

Serbia
I like this! It's catchy balkan pop with lots of colours! Good job by Serbia! Not a winner, but a top 10 perhaps?

Russia
Russia, producer of high quality thugs, sends Alexey 'The Birdkiller' Vorobyov with a song that is produced by RedOne. A hungover RedOne at monday morning. What's worse, The Birdkiller is coming to get me! I paid those guys last week! No need to come and get me.

Switzerland
Switzerland hides their vast gold treasure below the surface of chocolate lakes, and their cars run on yodels! Anna Rosselini was in love with me for a while, and then she got better. Na-nanana na na na! Very good. Will it fall in favour with the judges? Yes. Will the people vote for it. Dunno. They should. But they probably won't.

Georgia
LOUD. They probably hope awful music can keep the Russians away.

Finland
Paradise Oskar sat in front of the TV last year and said to himself, 'I can do better!'. So he did. It's pretty good. Da da dam dadada da da dam. Actually I'm only saying that because it's Finland. It's pretty boring really. Oskar can walk backwards and sing at the same time.

Malta
Malta invented H2O and cleverly hid away the city of Atlantis in a large shed on Gozo! It's true. Glen Vella is very gay, as in happy and joyous. I always root for Malta, but it feels a little generic.

San Marino
San Marino is a hill in Italy, and it was a stretch getting funding, because their main natural asset is gravity which sells for literally nothing on the world market. Their economy will probably collapse if they win, so it's probably for the best if they don't.

Croatia
Croatia has a funny shape. It's like a V. And the native spelling is Hrvatska. Almost no other language belives in their spelling. Anyway. They want to celebrate every step I take. I do too sometimes when I'm far too drunk to walk straight.

Iceland
Iceland has a cross on it's flag and thus is part of my voting block, which is why I can't vote for them sadly. Also they speak gibberish there which is a big plus! As for the song, Sjonni died shortly before the icelandic final, but his friends got up and sung his song for him. Touching.

Hungary
Hungary. Winner? Maybe. Great singer, great song, bookmakers favourite. In fact, let's have the complete song! Great car too.

Portgual
Straight after the lowest odds comes Portugal, whos odds of winning are 999:1! As we know, Portugal lost all their money on gambling and internet porn, and therefore sends a leftover protest march that they found in the bargain basket. People who speak portugese will get it. Unfortunately for Portugal, Brazil isn't allowed to vote in the contest.

Lithuania
Named after american actor John Lithgow, Lithuania found a song in a yet unreleased Disney movie and sent that! Also they want to impress the french.

Azerbaijan
Yet again Azerbaijan turn to swedish songwriters, and the result is probably a radio hit here. Lyrics are a bit interesting if you listen to them.

Greece
Greece lost all their money in a freak accident involving a rubber dingy and a giraffe, and thus really don't want to win. However the original songwriters were not informed of this, and the song had merit. But the greeks came up with a quick solution and a rapper was introduced to quell their chances of winning as Giorgios (all greeks are named Giorgios aren't they?) wants to show me the dance of his people.

Semi 2!

Bosnia and it's best friend Herzegovina
In Bosnia it's customary to wear instruments as jewellery, and here we see local musical wizard Dino Merlin wearing a guitar as a pendant. If you anger Dino, his guitar has the power to turn you into a mute newt.

Austria
This loud song escaped from a school basement, where Nadine, a student, had been hiding since 2007.

Netherlands
Radio hit.

Belgium
Belgium took the "song contest" part literally and forgot about the music. Qualify? Don't think so.

Slovakia
Slovakia thinks we should vote for them on the basis of ice hockey success. I don't know about that, didnt seem so successfull yesterday. Two pretty girls can make up for alot but not for a boring song.

Ukraine
Generic ballad.

Moldova
Forgot grandma.

Sweden
Eric Saaaaaaade, a relative to Marquis de Saade, is next with his very clean shoes and a promise that he will be popular. Let's hope he is right.

Cyprus
Christos Mylordos. What a name. He's basically more son of god than Jesus with that name. He sings about trees and the number pi for Cyprus. 12 points from Greece, except they can't vote in semi 2, so no points from Greece.

Bulgaria
Bulgarian Pink light. I don't like Pink.

Macedonia
Vlatko Ilievski can't sing but that won't keep him from doing so, and he's got a funny video and a song that includes classical choir singing and hepp-hepp-hepping. Also it's Macedonia, surrounded by neighbours.

Israel
Dana Internatonal returns to the contest with Ding Dong, a song about her lost penis. Israel will need a reeeeeaaaaally good song in order to win given the political situation. This isnt it.

Slovenia
Neighbour of Slovakia Austria, so guaranteed a few points from there at least maybe.

Romania
Frauen regiert die welt anyone? Reminds me of that. Or some other song. It's classical schlager. I think it could do rather well. It's moderatly catchy and not boring.

Estonia
Look at that one. How can people not vote for Getter Jaani? Cute girl, alright song despite the annoying telephone segment. I think it will do well.

BELARUS
Yeees it's finally time, in place 16 in semi 2 we find one of the least unashamed propaganda songs of all time. This is the reworked version without the references to the Glorious Soviet Union. And I have to say when the refrain hits you like a good old fashioned purge, it makes you too love Belarus. Let's have the full song so we can all be converted into good Lukashenkians.

[video=youtube;Asz9f-9SxiE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Asz9f-9SxiE[/video]

Latvia
I think that's supposed to be english, but I can't understand anything.

Denmark
Commercial radio hit #2. It's a bit of a stadium song. A copy of "Sing for me" from 2006.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hu7xvGDMeBQ#t=0m55s

Ireland
Ireland, famous for loosing all their green, sends Jerkwad with "Lipsick"!


Song written by Lars Jensen and Martin Larsson, and I aplologize for my fellow countrymen's performance. I think. I'm not sure what to think. Maybe it's good. Also, hair.


The Big Five!
Now we go on to the five autoqualified (aka the we paid for this-group). This year marks the return of Italy, after a 14 year hiatus due to moodyness as nobody voted for them.

France
[video=youtube;uEb7hRo-Qyk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEb7hRo-Qyk[/video]
First out is France, who thinks all other countries in Europe have no class. And in this contest, they're right, because the french entry is amazing! It's a gentlemans escort in a sea of eurotrash prostitues one could say. However, will people vote for it? Well all I can tell you is they should! This is also one of the few times when the french entry isnt in french.

Italy
[video=youtube;bjJ-0Q6ZVUM]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjJ-0Q6ZVUM[/video]
Italy is alot like France, and their entry is similar, but not as good. Welcome back Italy!

United Kingdom
The UK have finally understood that their populace do not care about the contest and so the BBC scrapped an election process and picked a song on their own. As it happens, that is Blue, known to the world for the song "All Rise" from 2001. A competent group that is way better than anything the UK have sent since the beginning of the millenia or so. Song is pretty generic though.

Germany
Watch the video. I think it's amazing. A double win for Germany?

Spain
Sadly we can't end on the high note of Germany, we have one more entry. Spain is the new UK. Sorry Spain but it isn't good.


So FinalGear: Who will win? Place your bets
 
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Cowboy

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Ow God....has it been a year already?

Time to be ashamed again.....
 

jedd_kenobi

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Jedward... as Irelands entry... who thought that was a good idea?

i'm not bothered about Eurovision, mostly since its just stupid (which kind of figures since Jedward are involved) however i do really like Lena's song. Last years song was my favorite and this one looks to be the same again.
 

Dr_Grip

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No one except me saw that James May drums for Turkey?

Apart from this we got a Bonnie Tyler copy for Albania, a Cher copy for Hungary and a Celine Dion copy for Lithuania. I'll go weep at my happy place for a few minutes before watching the second semifinalist video.

EDIT 1: "I love Belarus" remembers me of christian rock... "Got it deep inside..."
 
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eizbaer

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this should be fun, haven't watched it for quite a while, but i won't miss this one. gotta watch just to make fun of the whole thing... :rofl:
 

Matt2000

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If we don't lose by a massive margin because we didn't get any points I won't be amused.

I'm still bitter that they won't let Wogan do the commentary from his wine cellar any more. :roll:
 

jedd_kenobi

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never got used to Graham Norton. he's ok. just that Terry Wogan was so brilliant at it and was a good reason for watching EuroVision in the first place.
 

AiR

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Yes. Slovenia, Slovakia, all the same. Hiding behind your iron curtains... :p
I confused Slovenia with the Czech, and they aren't even in the contest! Brain freeze.

Heh. There's a town in Hungary called Pecs. Funny.

No one except me saw that James May drums for Turkey?
James May is secretly a musician in many bands.


Jedward... as Irelands entry... who thought that was a good idea?
Wiki tells me the two Jedwards were selected on the Late Late Show, which supposedly airs really late (?). The two kids are John Paul Henry Daniel Richard Grimes and Edward Peter Anthony Kevin Patrick Grimes which means that they're either nobility or people in Ireland have a hardon for names.
 
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PaperBiro

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@Belarus:

???? ???? ????? ?????? ??? ??? ???????? ?????? ??????????!
 

MXM

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Wait, what? Germany is sending the same singer again? Is that even allowed?

(I liked the last song, and new one is rather pleasant too)
 

narf

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Wait, what? Germany is sending the same singer again? Is that even allowed?

(I liked the last song, and new one is rather pleasant too)
:nod: Was announced at the winner's press conference after last year's competition in Oslo.
 

Interrobang

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Throwing a little Eurovision-party at my home coming weekend for the final ... just to have a good time and laugh halfway through ... sadly this year not so many really bad acts ... too much mediocre stuff ... must buy more alcohol to be able to laugh about that :)

Winner? Hungary has some solid chances I would think ...
 
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