Kill a dream

Granted. A really big Y shaped stick and a huge rubber band, and you're ready to go.

I wish that everything I touched didn't turn to shit!
 
Granted, instead it turns to urine.

I wish my knees were in better shape.
 
Granted. They are now precisely square!

I wish that it would not rain this afternoon.
 
Granted, 150mph winds.

I wish dinner would make itself.
 
Granted. Rest in Peace.

I wish that conversations wouldn't deterioriate so badly into double entendre. It hurts!
 
Granted. <silence>

I wish I wasn't so easily distracted.
 
Granted. You can now never be distracted ever again.

I wish that I currently had a better work ethic.
 
Granted. Now no one ever gets the meaning of what you are saying, so the idiots continue to keep coming to you.

I wish that I did not have an addiction to Zuma
 
Granted. You're addicted to heroin.

I wish I would stop buying so much junk food.
 
Granted, you buy crates of salad and upon opening them get attacked by a deadly spider and killed to death.

I wish it wasn't so foggy here.
 
Granted, it's not foggy at all, but there's a category 5 hurricane heading your way. You can see it approaching on the crystal clear skies outside your window

I wish there were flying cars
 
Granted. Unfortunately you are killed in the first crash. Not as someone in the car, but on the footpath walking from your house. They fall on you.

I wish I could discover something useful.
 
Granted, you discover a cure for baldness, it's a cream that sprouts hair wherever it touches. Unfortunately during testing... well... enjoy your hairy hands and face.

I wish zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 
Granted. But suddenly it becomes Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I wish that I didn't have to go to work on Monday
 
Granted, you gt to Hell instead.

I wish I didn't need to pay bills.
 
Granted. All your stuff gets repo'd. Including Caska.

I wish that I had a bowl of vanilla choc and mint chip ice cream
 
Granted. You have to cross a pit of crocodiles to get it.

I wish I could travel through space and time.
 
Granted. But you have to do it at life speed (no, that is not a typo). The space is on planet earth, and the time is your life.

I wish that I had already bought my father's day present.
 
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