Kill a dream

Granted. Unfortunately, it only works when you are standing on your left foot, on the top of Everest, facing north, naked, and it's June 12, 10:43am.

I wish I had a teleporter
 
Granted. Although I think the word most people would use is 'insane'.

Tru dat.

Granted. It teleports you one molecule a minute. And if you move, you will die.

I wish that I was normal, and not insane.
 
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Granted, You are now normal, but this has made you so boring the accountants down the hall shun away from conversation with you for fear of falling asleap

I wish I was drunk.
 
Granted. But the hangover... well... you'll feel like your avatar looks.

I wish I could get these chords down :( Actually, I think I'll go practice, then I'll have a chance :)
 
Granted, but you are forever unable to remember any other chords or music in general, and can only play those set of chords for the rest of your life.

I wish I didn't accidentally this report.
 
Granted, you accidentally the whole everything else.

I wish I didn't have 2 talks to give next week.
 
Granted, you now have 6 talks to give next week.

I wish I could figure out why these uncertainties are coming out the way they are.

I also wish Christina Aguilera would stop singing like a dying donkey.
 
I suppose there's a reason why they call them uncertainties :p

Granted, you now know with certainty all uncertainties, including the fact that Christina Aguilera sings like a beached whale.

I wish I was a better programmer.
 
Granted. What? I can't grant wishes every once in a while? I wish I was a better programmer myself, but after learning way too many coding languages my head spins.

I wish my head didn't spin every time I coded something.
 
Granted. It now explodes. Everywhere.

I wish that this afternoon wasn't so frustrating.
 
Granted. It is no longer afternoon. (Hey, that was *easy*!)

I wish my damn code would work! (C code. C code run. Run code, run! Pleeeeaaaase!)
 
C becomes BASIC and suddenly you are looking at a dancing mouse.

I wish that my car was cooler
 
Granted. Air-condition is now installed, and the inside at least will now be cooler. Of course, power will be down and fuel consumption up, but them's the breaks.

I wish I could play guitar as well as Carl Perkins.
 
when Carl was 6 months old. You also have the little matter of also now pooping your pants. But you get used to it. No one around you does though.

I wish today wasn't a work day
 
Granted. It's locked in a room with your parents day.

I wish I knew.
 
Granted. But you now wish you didn't. And there is no brain bleach.

I wish that there would be peace on the third floor.
 
Granted, however there is no peace on the 2nd or first.

I wish I could blah blah blah and so on and so forth
 
Three's company and four's a party, and it ends up in your face.

I wish I could carry moonbeams home in a jar
 
Granted. You are now hooked on lsd.

I wish I wasn't at work.
 
Granted. You are now at school. In the longest lecture ever known.

I wish that there was more to it.
 
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