Kill a dream

Granted. You now have to do all the database stuff for everyone. Ever.

I wish I had a good cup of coffee.
 
Granted... enjoy your cup, made out of coffee beans. Careful, it's fragile and it leaks

I wish my +reps would actually affect people's reps positively when I +rep them
 
Granted. They do. But it falls into a negative reality inversion and now twice your rep points are now deducted from you when you rep someone (+ or -). You become the worst person on the forum.

I wish that my coke was cold.
 
But it is. Extremely cold. You freeze your lungs while snorting it

I wish I could think of a wishh
 
Granted. Your wish sucks.

I wish I had more beer.
 
Granted. It's weak as piss, warm and flat.

I wish I had walked out the door 40 minutes ago.
 
Granted. But your car won't start.

I wish I had a real, working, safe, nice car that wasn't on fire or filled with water or anything.
 
Granted. It's a pink convertible. And the roof doesn't go up.

I wish that there was a Commonwealth grant to assist in personal drought relief
 
Granted but they only supply black coffee.

I wish I was at home.
 
Granted. With no internet access and Caska hiding in a tree.

I wish that I would win the lotto
 
Granted. $5.

I wish my experiments all worked today.
 
Granted it turns you into a zombie.

I wish I had another kitten.
 
Granted. It eats your other one.

I wish it wasn't so damn cold in here.
 
Granted. You are now sweating and making the keyboard all sticky. Oh and those unstable chemicals......where's the gas mask when you need it? Oh wait, you don't have one.

I wish that this table structure was more user friendly.
 
Granted. It's now perfect as a woodworking bench.

I wish whoever gave me this data to work with wasn't an idiot and gave me everything I needed.
 
Granted. You now have more data than you could ever use in an unuseable format.

I wish that I had cheese on toast for lunch
 
Granted. Moldy cheese.

I wish my joints worked properly.
 
Granted. For a horse they work great.

I wish that I had a home of my own.
 
Granted. It's 10 sq ft. And the roof leaks.

I wish I won the lottery.
 
Granted. But then the pixies steal it all and place bets on lame horses.

I wish that people would answer their phones when I ring.
 
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