Kill a dream

Granted. It comes in a matchbox. And only ants can drive it. Then one day, you step on it, get an infection in your foot that travels to your brain and you die.

I wish that I had not fallen asleep on the couch
 
Granted. You fell asleep at the wheel, with tragic results.

I wish I didn't have a meeting tomorrow. And another one on Thursday. And another one on Tuesday.
 
Granted, you have them every other half hour of every other day.

I wish I could eat all this frozen yogurt and badness and not gain a single ounce.
 
Granted. It also allows you to lose weight.

(Through massive gastrointestinal hemorrhaging.)

I wish for New Jersey to stop sucking.
 
Granted. It starts blowing instead. And if you thought the land of Oz was cheesy, wait until you find yourself in the land of Gark, the home of the axe wielding maniac giants.

I wish that just for one day things would run as planned.
 
Granted, assuming your plan was to suddenly teleport to my alien characters' home planet, and quickly die from the high concentration of carbon monoxide naturally present in its atmosphere.

I wish I had a hot dog.
 
Granted. A huge St Bernard, who lies on you and pants all over your face. You cannot get him off you.

I wish I had a talent.
 
Granted. You have fantastic talent in the field of obscure fetish porn.

I wish i could never leave the bed.
 
Granted, your skin has bonded permanently to your bed.

I wish for a hug.
 
:hug:

Granted, but I'm all hot, sweaty, stinky and dirty.

I wish I was immune to mosquitos
 
Granted. But now you are a mosquito.

I wish I wasn't such a sad, annoying little Asian nerd with no social life and about as much upper body strength as Stephen Hawking.
 
Granted you're a happy go lucky, confident non-annoying Asian semi-nerd but still popular and has a great social life and goes to workout and lift weights every day. Oh but you have the smallest penis in the world.

I wish it wasn't raining outside, it's supposed to be Sunny San Diego ffs.
 
Granted. It's now snowing, 10 feet in an hour.

I wish that my knees didn't hurt.
 
Granted. You now have a bottle of Thunderbird and a dozen cans of Special Brew. Feel free to get legless.

I wish I had a wish.
 
Granted. That was it. You have just wasted a wish.

I wish I was a decent, well rounded individual. I am one of the least well rounded (sane) individuals in the world.

In fact, if I were to draw a visual representation of my personality, it would look like this:

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rather than this:

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I have so many personality flaws that it's a miracle I'm still alive.
 
Granted. But you are now a furry.

Specifically, a crazed Otherkin.

I'll leave it to you to find out what I'm talking about.

I wish for a warm day.
 
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Granted. You are now here. 38oC and it's disgusting.

I wish that I was asleep in a comfy bed in a room with perfect temperature, and no disturbances, and nothing ached.
 
Granted, you are in an isolated comfy room with a comfy bed set to perfect room temperature, warm comfy blankies, comfy pillows and more importantly a comfy foam mattress.

Oh yeah, and welcome to space, where the nearest thing to you is 40 light years away. And you have limited oxygen.


I wish I didn't miss ashspet now that she's in space.
 
Granted. Ashspet's in limbo.

I wish I had more motivation. Feeling lethargic lately.
 
Granted. You now have a burning need to complete everything that ever needs doing ... ... ... ... in the world and as a result, you end up burning up in a huge ball of friction created fire.

I wish that I had the ability to deal with a shitfull boss.
 
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