Overheard in the office

Bretton Woods

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Been hearing some pretty amusing (well, I think so) quote around the office. I'm sure we've all got a pretty quippy lines we've overheard to share.

"He used to be in a plutonium/uranium mining play, but he was Fukushimaed...utterly Fukushimaed."
 

ashspet

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Not overheard, but we have a lovely lady from Switzerland working with us. We're working on 'Aussiefying' her.

We bought a heap of little koala clip ons like

koala_clipon_suc.jpg

every time she left her desk, we would add another to her screen, bookshelf, wherever we could clip them. And we were careful to make sure that she left with each of us at one time or another, so there was no common person that she could pin it on.

Went on for about a week. She finally cracked. Now, my German and French is very limited, but I'm sure some of it was NSFW :lol:
 

CraigB

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Since my office is wherever I go:

Last weekend when I went to the salvage yard to pull an engine, we had just got the engine out after a long struggle with the transmission getting hung up on the trans tunnel. The engine is hanging from the engine crane and I turn around to get a wrench from the tool box. Standing there is a 13-14 year old boy, I say, "How are you doing?". He replies, "Fine." I then grab the tool I needed turn back around and realize I need another tool. So, I turn around to retrieve tool number 2 and he's still there. So to be polite, he is staring right at me, I ask, "What's up?". His reply? "Nothing. So you guys pulled an engine?" The smartass in me wanted to say, "No, we are putting it back in." But I refrained and just said, "Yup."
 

MWF

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From a few years ago......

Colleague: It's my wife's birthday this weekend. Can any of you think of somewhere different I can take her on Saturday night?
Me: Up the arse?
 

jibduh

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m?r?2?F?C?N?B?f?u?s?i?o?n?405 deMZ2
Since my office is wherever I go:

Last weekend when I went to the salvage yard to pull an engine, we had just got the engine out after a long struggle with the transmission getting hung up on the trans tunnel. The engine is hanging from the engine crane and I turn around to get a wrench from the tool box. Standing there is a 13-14 year old boy, I say, "How are you doing?". He replies, "Fine." I then grab the tool I needed turn back around and realize I need another tool. So, I turn around to retrieve tool number 2 and he's still there. So to be polite, he is staring right at me, I ask, "What's up?". His reply? "Nothing. So you guys pulled an engine?" The smartass in me wanted to say, "No, we are putting it back in." But I refrained and just said, "Yup."
I, too, have been guilty of going to a pick and pull for the heck of it. It's good cheap fun. That said, I like to think I'm a bit less annoying as I traipse around aimlessly.
 

MWF

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So I'm in the kitchen at work when the annoying woman (not that bright, late 50s, overweight) who works in accounts comes in to make a drink and comments about how sticky oranges always make your fingers. I finish up, chuck the peel in the waste and then lunge comically towards her.....

Me: Hug?
Her: In your dreams.
Me: Yeah, the ones where I wake up screaming.

:dance:
 

Heathrow

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So I'm in the kitchen at work when the annoying woman (not that bright, late 50s, overweight) who works in accounts comes in to make a drink and comments about how sticky oranges always make your fingers. I finish up, chuck the peel in the waste and then lunge comically towards her.....

Me: Hug?
Her: In your dreams.
Me: Yeah, the ones where I wake up screaming.

:dance:
He shoots ..
.. he SCORES!

\o/ < ----- MWF runs around arms raised, with his football shirt over his head & hits corner flag!

:lmao:
 
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MadCat360

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Our HR lady. "You guys work weekends?" (we're a racing school)

One of the students. "So what you're saying is, I need to sew up my pussy."

One of the instructors. (country drawl) "We use a binary tire pressure system; in-flated, and de-flated. If it's de-flated, you gain grip, but ya lose speeed."

During passing talk. *Shows blue flag* "This flag means there's a race going on and you're not in it."

*singing country music songs over the track PA system at 10 at night*

During braking talk. "These karts have a rear brake only. Locking them up is kinda like pulling the e-brake on a rental car. Nobody's ever done that, right?"

Chief mechanic. "I live here."

Instructor on women in racing. "Now, don't discount the females right off the bat; they do something the guys don't. It's called 'listen.'"

*Hands newer instructor the largest helmet on the rack* "This one we call Bob. Everyone who wears this helmet is inevitably named 'Bob.' The Bob Helmet has had a long, illustrious career."
 
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AiR

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:lol: Bob

*angry customer*
I HAVE NOT RECEIVED THE DOCUMENTS WHY HAVE YOU NOT SENT THEM

Me: Is this your adress *gives adress*

*angry customer*
YES

Me: We sent them to you last week. Have you checked your mail?

*angry customer*
NO I AM ABROAD

That might be why then.
 

Cobol74

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:lol: Bob

*angry customer*
I HAVE NOT RECEIVED THE DOCUMENTS WHY HAVE YOU NOT SENT THEM

Me: Is this your adress *gives adress*

*angry customer*
YES

Me: We sent them to you last week. Have you checked your mail?

*angry customer*
NO I AM ABROAD

That might be why then.
Or did she mean a woman?
 

MWF

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Colleague: Can you take a look at this a second for me? Am I being thick?

Me: Hang on let me call my bookie......
 

predator101

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Manager: Why are you leaving on time?
Me: So being effective is a sin?
Manager: Doing late-sitting is ineffectiveness, are you shitting me?
Me: No, I prefer bathroom for that...
 

93Flareside

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The first year at my current employer, the office was very empty(all the other coworkers traveled most of the week). Whenever the office manager would get up to umm, you know, she would say "watch the phones for a sec." So me being the smart ass that I am, I stopped whatever I was doing and stare at the phone. I eventually got the two other techs to do the same. :D

Stuff like that makes me wonder why they tolerate me.
 
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Cowboy

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So me wing the smart ass that I am, I stopped whatever I was doing and state at the phone. I eventually got the two other techs to do the same. :D

Stuff like that makes me wonder why they tolerate me.
Because firing the slighty mentally handicapped kid who blankly stares at things for extended periods of time is really bad publicity? :p
 

93Flareside

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Probably. One of the techs said I was hired to meet the ADA act. I thought about it, and then agreed with him.
 

predator101

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Director: His attitude is not good (talking about me)
Manager: Why?
Director: He asked for a raise!!
 
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