Random Thoughts....

Jay, I cannot agree more with Kat and Jedd, and also would like to stress that I consider you one of the nicest persons on these forums. I've said it before and will continue to say it for as long as you need it.

On an entirely unrelated note: I fucking love Corenwyn.
 
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Jay said:
Why? Because I am tired of being me. I don't want to be unique, or hold some false belief (fallacy, really) that I am some sort of special snowflake.

Because I am who I am, my wife left me. Because I am who I am, I am not on the US Ski team, because I didn't want to take the opportunity given to me by USSA. Because I am who I am, I decided not to go to Minneapolis and be a session guitarist at a studio when it was proposed to me. Because I am who I am, I am too scared to take my photography to the next level. Because I am who I am, I didn't go to normal college because I learn differently than other people.

I don't want to be me anymore. I want the happy suburban life with my 2.5 children, the wife who likes things that I do and vice versa like all the people I am friends with on Facebook and their perfect well adjusted lives while I drown in my own self pity, sorrow and depression. I don't want to be interesting or stand apart from the crowd anymore. Would you like to know how stressful it is to go against the grain of the norm?

Is that a good enough answer for you? Or would like me to scream it at you, venting the daily frustration that are on my shoulders?


*EDIT* Sorry for going off the deep end, I have no one outside the internet to express myself.
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Jay,

I've done the 2.5 kids suburban thing. It went pear-shaped. And as a result I haven't been more excited about life for over a decade. I love my kids to death and I will be the best father I can possibly be but the wealth of opportunities I see ahead of me stimulate me more than I could ever have imagined feeling ever again.

I have heard your guitar playing (awesome), seen your photographs (stunning) and watched your delivery to camera which says to me that you really need to get down to the nearest comedy club and chat up some regulars to work out some material because your delivery with the right would kick ass. Hell, Jay Jensen is a stage name in its own right.

I know what you are going through. Rejection sucks, especially if you can't pinpoint anything you have done yourself that may have caused it. But people change and if it isn't you then it was likely her. Her loss. Fuck, if I were a not a dude and local to you, the right age and single I'd be PMing you right now.

You are only 35. You want to become a session guitarist then practice until your fingertips bleed, daily, and tout yourself about. There's no age limit on talent. Get out there and take pictures and send them off to anyone or any place that might be interested.

And most of all start to believe in yourself as so many of us here believe in you. Your like only sucks if you do.

Good luck man. And get your arse to Dallas the last week of October so I can buy you some beers and give you a huge hug. No homo.
 
Dude, that sucks to be in that situation. I can't relate to you or give an amazing story about how I went through the same thing. But I'm willing to listen and talk about it through PM. I'm close to a computer most of the day and night to reply within a few hours. Unless I'm sleeping, and if I reply at 4am, assume I'm sleep typing.
 
Jay, I think it's safe to say you're one of the more respected members of the forums. You live your life the way you want to live it and if that means doing things you consider are done by 'normal people', then do that. We have no right to stop you.

Jay said:
Because I am who I am, I am not on the US Ski team, because I didn't want to take the opportunity given to me by USSA.
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Also, as a skiing nut (since 3 years old), I would like to hear more regarding this please.
 
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Jay, because you are who you are you have a lot of people here (Myself included) who care about you and your well-being.

I second Kat, Jedd, MWF and the others. You are special, and you are loved and appreciated.
 
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Thomas93 said:
I spent ?16 on the 'Element Of Freedom' by Alicia Keys vinyl, i'll hand in my man card right now, and admit that I really really like it!

There's no hope for me.
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Ah no, you have the Pink Floyd "Dark side of the moon" avatar and are therefore in receipt of 14 man cards. One for every year that the album was in the "Top Fifty Album Charts".

(Unless you were not aware what you avatar was.)

:p
 
Heathrow said:
Ah no, you have the Pink Floyd "Dark side of the moon" avatar and are therefore in receipt of 14 man cards. One for every year that the album was in the "Top Fifty Album Charts".

(Unless you were not aware what you avatar was.)

:p
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Yes! But inverted by myself :) I also have the vinyl, but the pink coloured one?

Another random vinyl thought, how Poleythene Pam goes into She Came In Through The Bathroom Window is a sublime musical piece in itself, I love Abbey Road.
 
Once again, the people here go above and beyond and I am truly grateful. I would make a video with me blubbering about it, but this is the internet.

I ain't dumb. :|



This song came out the same time I started questioning myself, amazing the parallels.

watto said:
Also, as a skiing nut (since 3 years old), I would like to hear more regarding this please.
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I started skiing at age seven because one day my mother could not find a babysitter. At the end of the day I was making non wedge turns, the skis being parallel to each other. I guess I am a natural. Actually, I know I am but I feel like a dick saying so. A few years later I join a ski team, win many cups and metals doing the GS (I hate slalom) and at 17 I was the person who set the handicap for N.A.S.T.A.R. at my local hill, and I was also a ski instructor.
I was approached by a rep from USSA and he told me that it is a feed into the US Mens National Ski Team. At that point my self doubts kicked in, and I declined. Who knows, I may have went on to the National Team, or I might of injured myself.
I had a pair Fischer SC4 racing skis, 205 (!!) cm long, Salomon bindings and boots, pole I think were Atomic? and my race clothing was Spyder. I had built in padding for when I wacked poles.
 
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Adunaphel said:
Jay, I cannot agree more with Kat and Jedd, and also would like to stress that I consider you one of the nicest persons on these forums. I've said it before and will continue to say it for as long as you need it.
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I concur with this stament, And do please remember that FG is always here for support and helping in what we can, am I right?
 
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Hey Jay, I had Fischer RC's and Soloman bindings too.

(Not 205's though, 185's I think. Control for me, not striaght speed.)

Ski Brother. :cheers:


<--- Super G & GS dude, not downhill (Too scarey!)
 
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Got to say I agree with Kat and Jedd, Jay.

The grass always looks greener on the other side. My Dad's family are the perfect example, to outsiders they seem like a perfectly normal bunch but underneath is all bitter family politics and secrets, sibling rivalry, depression and anger.
Of course just looking at them you'd never guess it. Their "facebook" public image is nothing more than a carefully maintained fa?ade. Just because you perceive people are doing better, or are better people than you doesn't necessarily mean they are. Its a hard mindset to break out of though...

Everyone has stuff they don't broadcast publicly in order to appear more normal or content or happier than they actually are. Even me, believe it or not. :lol:
 
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Heathrow said:
Hey Jay, I had Fischer RC's and Soloman bindings too.

(Not 205's though, 185's I think. Control for me, not striaght speed.)

Ski Brother. :cheers:


<--- Super G & GS dude, not downhill (Too scarey!)
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Oh, those Fishers cut so well; many times if I tucked in a knee too much I would turn uphill. And my crazy ass used to bomb down hills backwards and run moguls in those gigantic skis. 205 cm and the person on them is all of 170. :lol:
 
A -35cm person on board is asking for Le trouble. :lol:

(Learnt my Basic in Austria, Inter in Suisse and
higher (Ha, ha I was crap!) in France)
 
Jay I want to buy you a beer. You are a great guy.
 
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Man, if I cared about what my friends on Facebook did, I'd be pretty jealous. Some of them are always going on vacations to some really nice places. Some of the people I grew up with a long time ago all have nicer cars, jobs that pay a lot of money (despite not going to college), going out to the clubs at VIP tables and partying all the time, etc. Some of them already have like two or three kids, even, which surprises me. Of course, not all of them are that successful, but a decent portion of them actually are. o_o Of course, I think they also have other issues they deal with that you don't see on Facebook. (I don't even post much on my own, just usually about stories of something that Facebook screwed up, ahah.)

Even though my friends are all the same age, one has her pilot's license, a good steady job, and another job she just got as a blackjack dealer in a casino. She also seems to have all sorts of time to go do other things too (like fly planes).

Even my roommates are doing pretty well, they both have at least one nice job (one is lined up to be an instructor at the local county community college and she teaches part time right now there). Of course, neither of them have any prospects of finding a boyfriend at this point despite wanting one(both are pretty busy and had issues with their last boyfriends).

I am lucky in that my family tries their best to support me which is good, because neither of my roommate's families are quite as supportive since one comes from a pretty strict catholic Mexican family and the other one's parents are insane to a degree (we have to deal with them since they own the house). Some of my other friends just don't have much support at all from their parents/grandparents. My Dad doesn't exactly have financial means, but he certainly tries as much as he can if I have issues with health problems or etc. He helps me with car issues as he can too which most of my friends can't say.

I figure at this point, I'm just going to do what makes me happy and not worry about how great other people's lives are or being "normal". I'm not the sort of person that owuld be happy being normal anyway. =P (I am also full of the derp occasionally, so sometimes I have no clue what I'm talking about or I seem clueless, but really I'm not so bad at least in person!)

But man Jay, if I were you I wouldn't worry about what you see on the Facebook like others say. And like others say, you are an epic guy of epic proportions just from all of your forum posts. (Yes, all of that sort of was related to the earlier stuff, but I respond in my own odd ways).
 
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Just got a free iPad. Installed tapatalk which should help me come back around more often. I miss you guys :(
 
I feel so horribly guilty that some of you are spending time to sort out my issues. But damn, I need to hear that I am OK person. I will, I PROMISE, that I will pay every one of you back in kind when you need the support that is freely being given to me.


phuckingduck said:
Just got a free iPad. Installed tapatalk which should help me come back around more often. I miss you guys :(
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And we miss you too. :comfort: Why the absence?
 
Graduate school is making me feel stupid and hate my life at the same time.

Nothing is based on solid facts or terms. Everything is being questioned and redefined. I spend all my time reading theories written by "experts", who base their theories on older unproven theories. It's like Inception!!! Theories within the theories.

Worst of all - they have no real-life application or impact. It's as if they were written with the one purpose of intimidating grad students.
 
Jay said:
I feel so horribly guilty that some of you are spending time to sort out my issues. But damn, I need to hear that I am OK person. I will, I PROMISE, that I will pay every one of you back in kind when you need the support that is freely being given to me.
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:idiot:


Jay, if you haven't questioned something you have or have not done until now, you are lucky. We mere humans do it all of the time. And don't sweat it, we all need some comfort or a swift kick in the arse on occassion.
 
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