Stupid Driver Stories

Cryptopygia

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Post the stupidest stories of ones driving here, for all of us to ridicule. Does not matter where you found it, just post it here.

Here are two of mine: My uncle works in road maintenance. One night, he was on the job, and it required the use of the man who stands in the middle of the road with the "Stop-Slow" sign. Suddenly, he sees a car come roaring through (when she *an elderly woman* should've stopped) and she nearly hits him. When she was questioned about why she tore past an obvious stop sign, she said "I don't have to stop for anybody." I don't remember what happened next, as it was five months ago that I heard this.

From my dad: He was cruising down the highway, when he notices something odd about a car next to him. The driver was driving and READING A NEWSPAPER at HIGHWAY SPEED! He was glancing up and down at the road and his paper as he drove.

Your turn. And, sorry if there is another thread like this, I couldn't find one in a search.
 

napoleondyna

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Having lived in Saudi arabia my dad has plenty of stupid driver stories. One that I remember best was an enthusiastic luxury car owner who though that cruise control was equivalent to auto pilot. He turned it on and began to climb to the back of the car to relax. He didnt realize the cruise control wouldnt turn for him and he had an inevitable accident and im pretty sure my dad said he died.

He also said he has seen people reading and drving with their feet. Glad I wont be driving there.
 

bartboy9891

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My friend likes to steer with his knees with his ipod (connected to the car stereo) in one hand and his other hand out the window. He's pretty good at it and only does it where the speed limit is low. Well I was in the passenger seat once and he took a turn kind of fast and his ipod flew out of his hands into the rear seats. He turns to me and says "QUICK take the wheel!". So there we are, me steering and him controlling gas/brakes on my command while half of him is in the back. It was fun but could've ended badly if the road wasn't deserted.
 

superchevy

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i used to jump my cars over hills around the city. there was one road that was mostly flat, but had a small dip in the middle. if you hit it at about 70mph, your car will get airborne.
 

Karagoth

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My friends dad was driving from Stockholm to Falsterbo south of Malm?, its about 402 miles/647 km. It was late, about midnight, and he wanted to get home, so he was driving at around 160km/h on a empty 110km/h highway. The policehelicopter however caught him and he got stoped. The police said that he was driving at 139km/h (1km/h less then when they take your license away). He responded with "Not more?", police said "Should I write down more?", "No 139 will be fine". He got away with a pretty expensive fine.
 

Peter3hg

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I decided to go on a short roadtrip with my mate when my parents were away. Obviously I was in my parents car... It was a reasonable route, Stockport, Glossop, Sheffield, Buxton, Macclesfield the back to Stockport, a total of about 100 miles on the smallest roads I know, all driven very very hard. We went just as it was getting dark on a Sunday night so the roads were deserted. The driving was amazing, taking in 2 of the best ten driving roads in Britain, as well as one of the most dangerous. We had a few incidents, one road was full of rabbits running across right in front while we were doing about 80. I was so busy concentrating on the rabbits I didn't notice a corner till very very late and ended up going round it very very fast sideways. Bottomed the car out a fair few times on that road as well as getting it airborne twice. The brakes were a bit cooked after that so stopped in a car park to let the brakes cool, only to realise it was full of doggers.:eek:
Quickly left and carried on on some very small roads with hedges about 6 foot on each side, making it like a corridor. Hit a jump that I wasn't expecting going around a corner so ended up flying through the air sideways which was a bit worrying. Then had another rabbit jump out which I thought I had hit. I stopped but no sign so must have missed it by inches. Continued onto the Cat and Fiddle, a very famous bikers road, and saw a van parked by the road, realised as I drove past it was police with a speed gun, luckily I had only just got onto the road so I was only just speeding (approx 65mph). It is a brilliant road the Cat and Fiddle and I just wished I had something I could push harder than a VW Polo. Neared home without further incident and realised there was an alarming knocking noise as well as the brakes being well cooked. Found out that the wheel nuts had started coming loose on the front left wheel. :eek:
Anyway, got the wheel tightened and the brakes were fine by the morning.
It was only when I got back that I realised how stupid it was to try and drive a small hatchback as hard as I had, for as long as I had on some very very small twisty roads. It was probably the most fun three hours I have ever had though.
 

Hatmouse

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I was once in a bus, and happened to look out of the window and straight down at a sedan that the bus was passing at the time.

On an interstate-class highway, the driver of a fairly generic sedan was sitting, one hand holding a newspaper spread out open in front of the steering wheel, and the other hand holding a cup of coffee.
 

Vltros

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This once happened to me. I went to a petrol station to fill up my car. Well I stopped, went to the payment cabin, payed the petrol (it was a pre-payment petrol station), used the plumb additive (it's an old car so I need to put some plumb additive everytime I have to fill up), and left.

What's missing ???? Well! I realised, about 10 Km later and just about to enter the payment motorway, that the fuel indicator was telling me I was running without absolutely no petrol. Then was when I realised that i left the petrol station without doing the important thing: fillin up the car with petrol. So I had to go back, hope that my car would be able to arrive to the petrol station and convince the person in the petrol station that I left without filling up my car.

Stupidest thing I've ever done in my car!!
 

KaJuN

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Red light intersections make for some pretty interesting motoring. I've seen a van stop for a light for about 5 seconds then he just drove straight on through as if it had turned green. My favorite is this car than went through the red light after having stopped for it. What made it funny is the fact that he did it at maybe 3 miles an hour. I guess he thought if he went slow enough nobody would notice. :dunno:
 

YF19pilot

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Living in Florida, I have more than enough dumb driver stories.

#1...Back when I had my '79 Grand Prix, the intersection for the road to my dad's house with the main road had a small shopping complex off to the side. People pulling off the main road would cut across the opposing lane to get into the center. Pulling up to the intersection one day, an old lady in a Honda came right across and smacked the front end of my car. Due to the proximity of the intersection, and being able to see her, I was only doing about 5 mph when she hit me.

2...Driving down to Daytona after visiting my brother in Georgia (this is with my 740), some old lady with a Lexus SUV ran me off I-95. I don't mean, cut into my lane early, and I tapped my brakes. No, I mean, I was ahead of her when she came into my lane, outside of any blind spots she possibly could of had. However, I still ended up on the left hand shoulder. To boggle the mind further, the lane to the right of her was completely empty, not to mention the next car ahead of her was still some 1500 feet ahead. She had absolutely no reason to be in my lane.

Lastly, two months ago, I was actually driving back to my apartment from school. The road is two lanes, but at the last intersection, there's a left turning lane and a "straight" lane. Some old lady in a Subaru gets over to turn left. I make good with the light and speed up to get through the intersection. Half way through, I notice the subaru is still right beside me.
 

Punisher Bass

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Some of these are my fault, others are my sisters, and the rest are other morons driving.

I don't know why, but every now and then I have a brain fart and do something really stupid behind the wheel. About a year ago I was driving home from the DMV and was talking on my cell phone (not by choice, I hate talking and driving). I was driving through downtown Belleville which was built a very long time ago and not designed for today's traffic, so there one way streets that surprise you and every single corner is a blind corner so accidents can happen in a flash. I was waiting to make a left turn at the light turned green, not a green arrow just a green light. I hit the gas and nearly clipped the front end of a cadillac in the other lane. To this day I go "What the hell was I thinking"? and wish I could have gone back and told the person I was sorry. That is why I don't talk and drive.

As for my sister, I could write a book on her. She drives rather recklessly, she never repairs her vehicals, and she doesn't believe in traffic laws. Prime example, the day she got her licenes she clipped a stop sign right infront of a police station. She speeds constantly, tailgates, and just doesn't look at the road. She also loves to text message WHILE driving!

She's had multiple tickets (parking and speeding), hates cops, and thinks she is a fine driver. She got a ticket while driving through Indiana a couple years ago and refused to just pay the ticket which was $45 I think. She took two different road trips to IN for court dates (which cost her far more than the ticket would have) because she didn't think she did anything wrong. She wound up losing her case anyway.

To say she is rough on cars is an understatement. She has literally destroyed an 88 Buick Park Avenue, 94 Olds Cutlass, a 98 Ford Taurus that hasn't run in a couple years thanks to her, and is now working on an 04 Cavalier. Oil changes, new tires, and brakes are strange things to her.

The less said about her accidents the better.

And now for stupid things I've seen other people do. I have too many to count but here are some of the most recent. I was driving along around 11PM one night returning movies when I was coming up on a 4 way intersection. I notice the car coming up on my left isn't stopping for the red light she has, as I get closer and closer to the light she still isn't slowing down. I hit my brakes, eventhough I have the green light, and hope this moron sees what she is about to do. She finally saw the red light and stopped about half way into the intersection, as I passed her I hit the horn and gave her a "What the hell is wrong with you" look.

A couple months ago I was at another intersection waiting for my turn to go. Light turns green and before my rear tires clear the white line some jack off in a huge SUV coming the other way peels out and takes a left turn going around the people waiting in the left turn lane and came within inches of destroying my front end. I think for times like that your horn shouldn't honk but blair "HEY! FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!".
 
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IceBone

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Got 2 stories myself. You all know my crash, which was an example of me being stupid, so let's not go into that, but this were other people.

One red light in my town, there's 2 lanes, left one for left and forward, right one for right. These are all single lane roads through the town, mind you. As i finally got my green light to turn left, i go and then some asshole comes down the right lane and jumps infront of me to go left. If i hadn't been in my shiny brand spanking new second hand carisma, i'd have floored it and rammed into his side. Fucking beemer drivers...

Second one was yesterday. I was driving down a highway (2 lanes + service lane) and this dodgy Opel Corsa pootling in the left lane at around 100 kph with about 10 kms of people wanting to pass behind. I was the one immediatly behind. There were no cars in the right lane, so they weren't overtaking anyone, just pootling along. And the only traffic offense i will do is speed, so no undertaking for me. Finally after about 10 minutes of blinking and horn...ing, they finally notice the error of their ways, hit the right blinker and move to the right lane. Just as i'm parallel while overtaking, i look accross to see an elderly couple, with the guy (driving)'s glasses so thick you could use em for paperweights. Another thing i notice is that for some strange reason (no cars in front of them), the car has started to move back to the left lane (WITH ME STILL IN IT). What happens next is a whole concert of horns (not just mine) rude hand gestures and curse words that would make Gordon Ramsey blush.

Fucking old people... and no, not the good kind of fucking...
 
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Punisher Bass

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A few months ago an 80 year old woman in my town drove through my old grade school and killed a kid. Once she went through the wall she didn't stop, she kept on going for a hundred feet or so destroying everything in her path, kids included. Ironically she was on her way to take a safe driving course that morning.
 

Cryptopygia

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As for my sister, I could write a book on her. She drives rather recklessly, she never repairs her vehicals, and she doesn't believe in traffic laws. Prime example, the day she got her licenes she clipped a stop sign right infront of a police station. She speeds constantly, tailgates, and just doesn't look at the road. She also loves to text message WHILE driving!

She's had multiple tickets (parking and speeding), hates cops, and thinks she is a fine driver. She got a ticket while driving through Indiana a couple years ago and refused to just pay the ticket which was $45 I think. She took two different road trips to IN for court dates (which cost her far more than the ticket would have) because she didn't think she did anything wrong. She wound up losing her case anyway.

To say she is rough on cars is an understatement. She has literally destroyed an 88 Buick Park Avenue, 94 Olds Cutlass, a 98 Ford Taurus that hasn't run in a couple years thanks to her, and is now working on an 04 Cavalier. Oil changes, new tires, and brakes are strange things to her.

The less said about her accidents the better.
With her rep, I would not be surprised if she continued to drive even if her license was revoked permanently, which she seems hell-bent on accomplishing.
 

KaJuN

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I just remembered another stupid thing people always do that pisses me off. I'm waiting at a red light while the oncoming lane has a green left turn arrow. It goes yellow and the car that's in the intersection makes their turn. That's fine. But then the guy behind them floors it to make his turn too, even though I now have the green. I like to get my car as close to hitting his as possible to scare him into not doing that anymore.

I do the same thing when I'm waiting to turn left with no green arrow. The light goes yellow and its time to make my turn, but someone always runs the red and makes me wait in the intersection holding everyone up while they honk at me. I start turning like normal, acting like they're not even there but being careful not to actually hit them. I hope it's sending them the right message.

Oh yeah, just remembered another thing. I hate people in front of me who don't go over 40mph on interstate onramps and wait until they're actually on the interstate to pick up speed, leaving me in my Disco to accelerate to almost twice my speed and merge in a very short time into traffic going about 70.
 
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Punisher Bass

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Just a few hours ago I was out with her, she was driving, and we passed an accident. It didn't look too bad but from the looks of it one of the drivers was knocked out in the crash, her head was partly hanging out of the window.

A few moments later here comes a cop car and she got pissed that she had to pull over to let them through. "God damn pigs". 15 seconds later he comes another cop. "God damn fucking pigs, I hate pigs". 20 seconds after that yet another cop. "Don't these fucking pigs have anything better to do!?".

She says that she hates pigs/cops, but doesn't have a problem with police officers...

Yeah I don't get that logic either.

KaJuN, I hate it when people wanting to make a left turn slowly edge out into the intersection and just wait. If they have to wait in the middle of the intersection for the light to turn red for then so be it, they have a turn to make.

I also hate people who park right infront of stores blocking traffic in the lane, put their flashers on, and then do their shopping. Who do these people think they are? There are parking spaces 10 feet away, you have no right to block traffic and/or a fire lane simply because you don't want to walk an extra 10 feet to get a damn Quizno's sub. And I'm really inclined to believe that your car happened to break down right infront of the store you needed to get crap at and then magically repair itself when you're done. Flashers don't give you the right to park any place you please.
 

KaJuN

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KaJuN, I hate it when people wanting to make a left turn slowly edge out into the intersection and just wait. If they have to wait in the middle of the intersection for the light to turn red for then so be it, they have a turn to make.
I always pull into the intersection if I'm turning left and I always use my signal, so the oncoming traffic can definitely see my intentions. I also have no problem waiting until the light goes yellow to make my turn. It just pisses me off when the light changes and the oncoming car could easily stop, but they don't. The yellow light is to allow turning traffic to get the hell out of the intersection, not let one or two more cars go straight before it goes red. Those are the people who get the close calls from me. 8)
 
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