Stupid Driver Stories

Matt2000

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rip open the side of her Caddy like a tin of beans and then offer to not press charges for vehicular assault, leaving her to deal with the damage.
My dream situation. Worst cost to me would be a tin of rattle can black paint and maybe 5 minutes with a big hammer.
 

Spectre

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I should really try to avoid driving around town on pension pay-out day (Thursdays). Old people who can barely see over the steering wheel, wandering in their lanes, not giving way, hitting the brakes for no real reason and going 20km/h below the speed limit freaking everywhere! :wall:
You have just described every day in the state of Florida.

That's what I love most in these situations: people try to gain an advantage over me abandoning the traffic rules as well as common sense, and then they get mad at me for not giving in.
Even more amusing when they do that and you reach behind your seat, pull out a navy blue cap that says "POLICE," put it on and give them "The Stare" through your shades.
 

prizrak

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Not so much stupid but painful to watch.

I was waiting for my dad outside his house and saw a GT-R driving towards me, except he was going like 5-10mph and holding up EVERYBODY. For extra points he tried to move over to the right to open up space for people to pass, except he moved barely half a foot and got scared of hitting the car (there were like 4 feet of space on his right still) and moved back out all very hectic, no signals and still going 10mph......

They need to have mandatory road test for people buying performance cars at time of purchase and a day of racing school....
 

GRtak

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While on my way to a meeting today, I see a full size van parked across three lanes (left turn, straight and right turn lanes). As I pull up to the intersection where this is happening I hear a ton of honking. Apparantly, they just sat there like this for a couple of light changes. After I got there, he moved otherwise I may have helped him.
 

Blind_Io

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What the hell is wrong with Cadillac drivers? Did someone post a "Hit Me" sign on the back of my car?

At least this guy was apologetic when I called him on his bullshit driving - especially when I said that if I had been on my motorcycle he would be squeegeeing my spleen off his fender. Did you know people really can turn green?
 

LP

Your Brown Banana for Scale
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Not so much stupid but painful to watch.

I was waiting for my dad outside his house and saw a GT-R driving towards me, except he was going like 5-10mph and holding up EVERYBODY. For extra points he tried to move over to the right to open up space for people to pass, except he moved barely half a foot and got scared of hitting the car (there were like 4 feet of space on his right still) and moved back out all very hectic, no signals and still going 10mph......

They need to have mandatory road test for people buying performance cars at time of purchase and a day of racing school....
That, and, don't give a supercar/performance car for people who just got their license an hour ago. So it wasn't like breaking down or something right?

What the hell is wrong with Cadillac drivers? Did someone post a "Hit Me" sign on the back of my car?

At least this guy was apologetic when I called him on his bullshit driving - especially when I said that if I had been on my motorcycle he would be squeegeeing my spleen off his fender. Did you know people really can turn green?
Wait did someone hit you?



Yesterday I was driving down a very busy street, everyone's just going along at normal speeds (normal meaning with the flow of traffic). There are stoplights everywhere so it's partly a stop and go situation, but it wasn't horrible, I mean there was motion. I was just relaxed, listening to some songs, not really in a road rage mood or anything, and then I see this guy in an Audi A3 I think it was. He zooms into the left turn lane, and then back into the right lanes (which are going forward) in an attempt to bypass the traffic. All I think at that moment are the following:

A. He's got bad diarrhea
B. He's gotta pee
C. He's a cockbasket Audi driver, and just wants to avoid the light traffic because he has to get home 5 seconds quicker than everyone else.

Turns out it was....C! Of course!

He's talking on the phone and got his right hand on the steering wheel all "chilled out" like with sunglasses on and a suit with no tie. And I'm sure his left hand is frantically searching his pants for his microscopic penis. In any case, in his attempts to get ahead of traffic, he got stalled again and again and while I wasn't intending to box him in... I did. I just moved forward in the left lane, and he was in the right, being slowed down. And then of course I passed him, going at the same rate as traffic, listening to Common Market. That's what you get for not having any patience.
 

prizrak

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That, and, don't give a supercar/performance car for people who just got their license an hour ago. So it wasn't like breaking down or something right?
I don't think so, he didn't have blinkers on or anything it was also not travelling of a direction of any dealer/shop that I know off (and I live in the area so I know them quite well).
That's what you get for not having any patience.
Like I always say, if you wanna be an asshat at least learn how to drive well enough to pull it off :)
 
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Pedrocas

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Dear red-colored Citroen C2 punk: next time you enter a roundabout to get out on the second exit, do it on the right-most lane, instead of driving on the left-most lane and cutting the roundabout straight, almost hitting the rear of my car because I was doing it right to exit on the third.
 

brydie76

Viva Las Clarksonistas!
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2 today, both wite vans actually-
One was some idiot constantly in the right hand (I.e.) overtaking lane, going at least 20 below the speed limit constantly and taking 5 full seconds to take off from traffic lights. Finally go past, see a woman driving with a map half covering her windshield in her left hand, mobile to her ear in her right hand, manouvering the steering wheel with her elbow.
Second was somebody very obviously in a hurry, to the point where they were swerving across the two northbound lanes behind the 2 cars in front of them (almost literally on their bumpers) in an attempt to get past (at one point a wheel came off the road for a second and I thought the thing wolas going to tip over). When he finally got past he sped off at well over the speed limit (which nobody was sticking to anyway). Thought he/she may have been racing to the hospital nearby (still not a full excuse though), but no- saw it pulled into a fish and chips shop a few minutes later. Stupid fucker nearly caused an accident over his dinner.
 

Blind_Io

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I was in my mom's S80.

I am trying to avoid having people crash into me until I get my armored bumpers installed, which have been moved to the #1 spot on my vehicle modifications list.
 

TobiasG

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Wondering how the rest of the body will cope when the bumpers wont give in:dunno:
 

ashspet

Nothing to see here, move along people!
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Dear driver of the dark blue metro that abused the crap out of me this morning,

When it is 4.30am on a wintery and decidedly foggy Sunday morning, and there is no street lighting, it might be, and this is only a polite suggestion, an idea to TURN YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS ON. The only reason you weren't plastered against the concrete lane divider at the 'form one lane' was that you, in a fit of uncharacteristic inspiration, decided to indicate. Although the accident would have entirely been your fault as you were sitting in lane 2 right in my blind spot in the dark and fog you could barely see 10 feet in, I would have been less than impressed at having to arrange quotes and repairs.

In addition, when the nice lady in the Mazda gets over the heart attack you gave her and you pull up next to her at the next set of traffic lights, and she lowers her window to politely remind you that illuminating your headlights might be a beneficial act, unloading a torrent of abuse at her for almost wiping you out was not a classy move. Then proceeding to tailgate her down the next stretch of road, before finally putting your headlights on high beam plus the halos that you also had fitted to your car (and are probably worth more than the car) was just downright rude. But I must apologise at this point. My foot slipped from the accelerator without my notice. It was very unfortunate that, after some distance, I ended up proceeding at 40kph in a 100kph zone. And I sincerely hope that when you decided to undertake me on the hard shoulder that you did not pick up anything in your tyres that would commence a slow leak. My real lament was that the Police, when bored in the early hours of the dawn sit in the little culvert about 1km down the road and pick off the lead foot early morning drivers, of which you were one I am sure, were decidedly absent.

All of this for the good deed I did to rescue a friend in Goulburn.
 

Hbriz

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As I was coming home today, I was walking down a quiet residential street not far from home. A woman in an Impreza pulls to the side of the road, looking as though she was about to park. Another girl in a Fiesta is heading the other direction. Just as the Fiesta is about to pass, the Impreza woman does a U-turn right in front of the other car, which had to slam on the brakes and swerve up someones driveway to avoid a crash. The Impreza woman just looks blankly at the other girl, then just drives off. The girl in the Fiesta mouthed something along the lines of 'fucking idiot' and continued on her way.
 

SirEdward

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Nice one yesterday. A car (Toyota Yaris, I think) proceeded to overtake (completely on the opposite lane) a whole line of slowly moving cars, including mine, that were queuing in a turn left lane, then turned left and then zoomed again chicaning among normal traffic with very rapid movements and abrupt lane changing. At the next available traffic light, the idiot had stopped and was joined by most of the cars he had just passed. He was moving in a very peculiar way, with ample, unnatural, jolting movements, and seemed nervous, incapable of being still. At the green light he sped away, still uncomfortable with everything around.

The first word that came into my mind was "cocaine", but I really don't know whether he was on drugs or simply a super creepy, dangerous driver.
 

prizrak

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I had a hilarious one last night. Driving through this one street here that has three main features:
1)It's wide enough for two cars to go side by side in the same direction w/o crossing into on coming traffic.
2)It has a HUGE pothole near an intersection.
3)It has the most idiotic stop sign ever conceived - the stop sign has been there for a very long time and it used to be fine, until one day construction happened (and by one day I mean something like 5 years ago), which blocked off half of the road that you are supposed to stop for. This came with an awesome feature of a gigantic concrete barrier that makes it 100% impossible to see a car comming from your right until you are pretty much in it's way. As you can imagine features #2 and #3 combine to make one go pretty slow on approach to the stop sign and also through the stop sign.

After the intersection the road narrows to the point where going around a double parked car will result in taking up all of the opposite lane (not common here).

Enter our hero, who is defined by two main features:
1)He is a fucking idiot
2)As a result for #1 he put bright ass E-bay, unadjusted HID's (Xenons for those of the European persuasion) on his SUV.

Another thing to keep in mind is that my car's rear windshield is tinted to 20% and side windows are at 25%. On account of heat and humidity all windows were up and A/C was on.

On with the story.

So I am driving down to pick up my g/f to go get some dinner. Going my normal speed 35-40mph, when I see the idiot in my rear view, his fairly far from me and is already almost blinding me with his moronic HID's. So I get to the huge pothole and as I still like my car, I brake for it go through and then stop for the stop sign. Now the idiot is behind me making an already shitty intersection even worse since I am having a hard time seeing because of his lights (normally I look for headlights in the evening time to see if cars are coming but it was futile in that case). So I go through the intersection and the moron decides that he HAS to be in front of me and tries to overtake on the opposite lane. As you remember the road in that portion is very narrow.

Of course my car has absolutely no problem matching acceleration of some piece of shit SUV despite not being particularly sporty... For bonus points there is a car trying to make a K turn and is blocking all of the opposite lane but none of mine. Sadly there was no spectacular crash (though I would feel bad for the K turn driver as he was actually very courteous an didn't try to cut me off to finish his maneuver, not normal here).
 

public

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Last night after 1AM I pulled over to refuel, and was greeted by the sight of a drunken ensemble with their carbage E36 cabrio (I take it their driver was probably sober). One of the guys was urinating into the service station trashcan, while another stumbled around with a service station windscreen washer wiper thingy. As I got out of the car to fill it up, that guy came forward and proceeded to rub my car's dirty roof and rear screen with the washer. I was baffled. "Let's give a little wash", he muttered and despite my objections continued. Seriously uncool, but as I wasn't eager to get my ass kicked by brawly, drunken BMW guys in the middle of nowhere, I filled my tank and decided not to make a scene. "Hope you didn't get mad for us washing your car a bit", the other guy asked as I finished filling the tank and the washer guy giggled in the background. "Hmmmh, not really, but you didn't even do the windshield." And with that I left. Hope they hit the moose I saw later by the side of the road.
 

Spectre

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Last night after 1AM I pulled over to refuel, and was greeted by the sight of a drunken ensemble with their carbage E36 cabrio (I take it their driver was probably sober). One of the guys was urinating into the service station trashcan, while another stumbled around with a service station windscreen washer wiper thingy. As I got out of the car to fill it up, that guy came forward and proceeded to rub my car's dirty roof and rear screen with the washer. I was baffled. "Let's give a little wash", he muttered and despite my objections continued. Seriously uncool, but as I wasn't eager to get my ass kicked by brawly, drunken BMW guys in the middle of nowhere, I filled my tank and decided not to make a scene. "Hope you didn't get mad for us washing your car a bit", the other guy asked as I finished filling the tank and the washer guy giggled in the background. "Hmmmh, not really, but you didn't even do the windshield." And with that I left. Hope they hit the moose I saw later by the side of the road.
Last time something like that happened to me, the other parties ended up on the ground in riot cuffs with the police being summoned as I drove away.

They didn't get my attention until one of them thought it'd be fun to urinate on one of the Jag's wheels, and one of his buddies tried to wash it and the surrounding parts of the car off with the windshield washer fluid and squeegee. I'm pretty sure they liked the end result of those actions about as much as I appreciated theirs.
 
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