The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

ladora

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"You spend half an hour talking to a man, telling him where you were born, how many children you've got, where you live, what your postcode is, and then he says 'Is a Bugatti [Veyron] a Rover?'". - Jeremy, 07x05
 

LindenChase

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Not from TopGear, but from James May's 20th Century, talking about the invention of nylon.

Hilary Alexander, fashion director of the Daily Telegraph: "Consider the shell suit."
James: "Must I?"
 

douglasroman

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"Have you seen who's behind them? .... Bill Bryson.

Well I think that man is a danger, frankly. If there's one thing I can't stand it's beardy, sanctimonious, patronising Americans in tartan trousers coming to England and trying to persuade us to turn it into a museum.

He wants the East End full of cheeky cockney chaps pushing wheelbarrows full of eels and he wants Northerners to be industrialists with big braces and blokes dying of the consumption... "morning Bill... I've got the consumption... it's traditional.alright"

Bill, if you're watching, ok. You won't be watching, obviously, because we're not talking about steam engines or longboats or bear-baiting but if you happen to have tuned in by mistake, we're not interested in the views of stupid Americans who come over with their big video cameras saying "gee I love your history it's just so old".... SOD OFF......Allright."

Best rant ever :thumbsup:
I thought this rant was very funny as well. I was surprised he got so worked up. But isn't it hypocriticle of May to lament dated geeralizations about England when he makes so many dated generalizations of other countries.


http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/between-the-lines-james-may-on-american-cars-and-food/
 

Roadster44

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So, when you buy a modern Porsche, you are demonstrating to the world that you are very interested in driving. And being 'very interested in driving' means that, for you, it is a hobby.

This is bad. Hobbies are for people who were caught masturbating as a child. They were told by their mothers that it'd drop off unless they got out of bed and did something useful. So they did. They built model planes and collected stamps. Some may have taken up ornithology. This will have made them very unpopular with their peers who could think of many more exciting things to do with bushes and birds. Show me someone in a 911, and I'll show you someone who was bullied at school.

http://www.topgear.com/content/features/stories/2008/08/stories/01/2.html
 

Khaki

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I have to admit my quote isn't actually a quote- it was Hammond's and May's reactions to realizing they would have to drive their amphibious cars across the English Channel. Their faces absolutely fell and that was when I truly believed they had no idea about the upcoming challenge.

"You will now drive your cars to...."


"... Dover."
 

mu51im

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It was proper funny on the episode when richard came back after the big crash and jeremy goes :

"are u a mental?..." LOL!! :woot:
 

Heathrow

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From Car vs. Speed Boat vs. Bike vs. Public Transport race across London (10x05)

Unknown woman cyclist: you can?t cycle fast with bandy legs
Hammond: I have NOT got bandy legs!

* * *

Finding the greatest driving road in Europe (10x01)
(On the Autobahn with the cars three abreast.)

Hammond (over the Radio): ? RIGHT FOOT ?
(Porche & Lambo accelerate leaving the Aston.)
 

drummerdude89

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i hope these haven't been put up yet but i was watching series 6 w/ the off-road toys and i rediscovered 2 of my favorites:
J.C. "I just can't see james looking like this"
R.H. "I can't see anything"

J.C. talking about the bocart "now we've got another, and every child that comes to our house has to have a go. And some of them haven't been killed"
 

NooDle

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when they did the offroad things didn't Hammond say one of those quad bikes had "a thousand million horsepower, and it's faster than the speed of light" ?

made me :lol:
 

Derek

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Have you met Jeremy Clarkson? Big tall fat curly hair idiot, that's your answer really. - Richard Hammond in the Limo episode
 

Derek

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when they did the offroad things didn't Hammond say one of those quad bikes had "a thousand million horsepower, and it's faster than the speed of light" ?

made me :lol:
I think it was Jeremy.

And a top speed of a million miles an hour! A million! And I know that cause I've done it! - JC
 

drummerdude89

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ya both of them said it i think but clarkson re-emphasized it, good episode overall, lots of :lol:

another one from that part too:
jc about the go carts: "What worries me most of all, is that hammond is gonna go its really great i can ride standing up and everything; and i can't because i'm too tall and too old and too fat AND I HATE IT!!!"
 
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Maarre

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I think it was Jeremy.

And a top speed of a million miles an hour! A million! And I know that cause I've done it! - JC
nope, it was Hammond who said it :) "... a thousand million horsepower, and it's faster than light"

and Jeremy goes: "This has a top speed... and I know this cause I've done it, of a million miles an hour! A Million!"
 
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Derek

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We're finally gonna need a car where we're going.
nope, it was Hammond who said it :) "... a thousand million horsepower, and it's faster than light"

and Jeremy goes: "This has a top speed... and I know this cause I've done it, of a million miles an hour! A Million!"
Yep. You're right.
 

drummerdude89

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ok thought of another although not really a quote, more of a moment: hammond being a bad winner from the germans vs. brits challenge season 11. Funniest thing ever :mrgreen: (pulls car door open and raises arms) "YEESSS!!! Congratulate me, I won!!!"
 

ladora

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At the end of the tractor challenge:

JC: "MAY! You're gonna die! I'm gonna feed you into your own machine!!"


:lol:

I had to rewatch that part so many times because it was just too funny!
 

controlspecimen

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Season 7, with the flying Astra:

Hammond: That's amazing! Is it expensive?
Jezza: Yes. It costs... Five.... pounds.

*everyone laughs*
 

d.dutton9512

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I still get a laugh every time I watch the America episode and Clarkson pulls up with the cow on roof. Then they get it down and Clarkson asks "what do we do with it" and Richard says "Peel it."

Oh, and I think Clarkson saying "Hello Dutchie" in the Mercedes SLR. It's the look on his face that makes it.
 
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