The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

Jezza:

"He could spot your beaver from a mile away!"

I would like to what he meant by that ( GTR, Japan race) :D
 
Jezza:

"He could spot your beaver from a mile away!"

I would like to what he meant by that ( GTR, Japan race) :D

Well, its Bill Oddie. Nature-program presenter and fond of the ladies :p
 
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Look at this thread, there it is explained (search for "beaver" in the first post).
 
Hammond in the BL water test - sitting in his Dolly Sprint while it's filling with water:

"Ahhh, there's thirty-odd years' worth of fag-ends and fluff coming up on top...":richard:

Also JC: "What I've just done is I've wiped my hair on a seat that's thirty years old and has had some Midlander's bottom on it..."

Probably my favorite of the short challenges... :D
 
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From Oz and James Drink to Britain part one:

"... And because we were in a pub, I agreed to it.
It was a triumph of beer over experience." :lol:
 
Polar Special

-James and Jeremy driving along-

James-This ones called a big.
Jeremy-I'll have a..*concentrates on driving*
James- Go on, Have a big!
 
JM: There is one challenge left and it is... the big one. It is... the cost. Now.. we earn a point for every pound we've saved from our original... ?100 budget. Jeremy, you have no points. You're out of it. I've got 25, Hammond. You've got 10, so ?15 either way could swing this. Are you ready?
RH: Yeah.
JM: I have the reciept for my car...
RH: ...okay. C'mon... tell me, tell me!
JM: ...here. And I spent... ?75.
RH: Right. ?75. So, if I can be ?15 under that... um.. I spent... *cringing* ?80! Which means James is ahead! Oh, no! Which means, Jeremy... unless you've got your car for about... ?10... James is gonna be the winner.
*Clarkson unfolds his reciept and hands it to Hammond*
RH & JM: ...oh, no.
*Clarkson suddenly looks triumphant and smug as the audience burst into laughter*
JC: ONE POUND!!!!

The "oh, no...!" reaction makes me laugh every time... :lol:

And this one from the first episode of Hammond's Total Wipeout show...

RH: Is there any more pain and humiliation we could visit on these poor people? *long pause* Yes! Yes, there is...
 
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:blush:I don't think anyon said this on the boards, and frankly I am astonished.

Hamster "Float...Float!!!.....OLIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

Jezza-"I've lost a skull"

Jezza again During the bit where he's being shot at by the army or whatever
Computerised voice-"Wounded wounded, head, right arm, chest, left arm, wounded , wouded, etc
Jezza-"WHAT??!!"

Hamster-*After seeing the clip of him when hypnotised by Paul Mc in the car.
(To Paul)
"Yeah, I reeeally...don't like you"
(turned out to be a rather dangerous thing to say in that situation, lol)

James-"Can I just say, you (Richard) look like a gay cowboy, and you (Jezza) look like a gay terrorist"
Jezza-"No you look like a gay terrorist with a broken windscreen, and your face is ridiculous"

James in the Alfaab
"Watch this- *crash*

Hamster, during the Reliant Robin bit
"One small stepladder for man..."
Hysterical laughter from both him and James
"Stop laughing James, they're getting cross":lol:

Top Ground Gear Force
Jezza destroyed James shed, again
James-"Is this on BBC2?"
Jezza-"Yes"
James-"After 10?"
Jezza-"Yes"
James-"Then you are a f-"

James; "to test for speed, they'd have to give the driver a Hoover!"
Rich; "Ay?"
James; "you know when you are at a party and everyone's asleep. The person on speed is always Hoovering"
Jezza announcing; "the rock and roll years with James May!"
James; "it's true."
Rich; "Jee I hope Mr May aint trashed his hotelroom" *immitates opening the room door* "my it's immaculate"

Also during the news segment with the ugly Porche
When they show the Porche, and James starts coughing
Hamster-"You alright??!!"-I thought that was really cute, he did actually sound kind of concerned
James-"No, Im going to die...now"

When Jezza lost his voice
Hamster-"What is that noise you're making??!!"

Sorry my post was so long *slightly embaressed*, Im new to the boards, and had a couple of brainwaves.

More to come though, just to warn ye...
 
James; "to test for speed, they'd have to give the driver a Hoover!"
Rich; "Ay?"
James; "you know when you are at a party and everyone's asleep. The person on speed is always Hoovering"

Jezza announcing; "the rock and roll years with James May!"
James; "it's true."
Rich; "Jee I hope Mr May aint trashed his hotelroom" *immitates opening the room door* "my it's immaculate"

Also during the news segment with the ugly Porche
When they show the Porche, and James starts coughing
Hamster-"You alright??!!"-I thought that was really cute, he did actually sound kind of concerned
James-"No, Im going to die...now"

the first one, ahahah! which episodes are these in?!
 
Not sure at the Hoover one, I read it on another forum.

The Porche one was Series 12, Ep 3 I think.

Here it is:

[YOUTUBE]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qY23fPmOcHI&feature=channel_page[/YOUTUBE]
 
Hamster, during the Reliant Robin bit
"One small stepladder for man..."
Hysterical laughter from both him and James
"Stop laughing James, they're getting cross":lol:

I freakin' loved that bit! I laughed so hard my face hurt the first time I saw it...lol.
 
I freakin' loved that bit! I laughed so hard my face hurt the first time I saw it...lol.


Me too. Might be my favorite 30 seconds of TG.
I think it's the "guy camaraderie" that's so fun to see. :lol:
 
James talking about tampons.

Jezza-YOU'VE used a tampon??!!
James-Ya, you know, spillage.
Hamster-Aw mate!:blink:
James- Well I had an accident on the cooker-
Hamster-I'm sorry, this is getting worse!!
Later on...

James-Do you want to know the other good thing about tampons, if any of ye have an old bike, with twin cylinders, you'll (Hamster) know this...
Hamster- I WILL NOT!!!
...

Jezza-James, go away!!
 
the first one, ahahah! which episodes are these in?!

Not sure about the first one, but the Porche/coughing fit one was from Series 12, Ep 3 I think.
 
Jeremy driving his vespa trough a puddle of water:

"Oh my God! What the hell have I done with my life?! Why have my life gone so wrong?!"

That was like a really big massive step from his usual: 'That's not gone well'.
 
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Hammond on the polar special:

".....That's more than disorganized...." :lol:

(Regarding the man with the frozen willy.);)

And about the polar bears creeping up on you while you're taking a dump...
"That's not exactly sporting of them is it, really..."
 
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Jeremy
Jezza reviewing a car, Im not sure which one, may have been the Koeniggseggigigeggeg:p

Im paraphrasing, a bit...
*While screaming from the sound of the crazy engine*
"The press release said that it was more comfortable...THAN WHAT??!!...

BEING STABBED??!!"

To James when he pulled up in his "Alfaab" limo
"What paint thinner...were you sniffing when you thoguht up of this??!!"

James
In the African special, after they crossed the Magilucadi,
*To an onlooking, slightly bemused cow*
"Hello mate"

*To his mum*
"Have you brought me some fruitcake?"

In the supercars trip across France, and Jezza is giving his very thirsty GT another topup
James-"Have you noticed that his right bicep is bigger than his left?"
*Hamster starts LOLing*
James-"And when he's filling the tank, that he stands like a teapot?"
*Hamster laughs harder*

In the Cheap Police Cruiser Challenge
"I hope you like prison food crims!"

"I don't really know what Im looking for, I'm not very fashion conscious"

After taking his rather unnecissarily large gulp of V8 poison, after about 10 seconds of trying to stop his face from turning inside out
"I've got the name for it...THE BLOODY AWFUL!"

Hamster

During the V8 Smootihe segment,
*After taking sip"
Jezza-"That will put testes on your chest"
Hamster-"IT'S PUT HAIRS ON MY EYEBALLS!!"

"Oh ho Oliver you've got a cold!!, listen *honks horn*, *imitates wired cough*"
 
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