The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

Vietnam Special

Jezza "I've got this.... bike." May "technically its a scooter"

Jezza "I AM THE MOST MISERABLE MAN ALIVE!"

Jezza to May " I HATE YOU!"

May " Everytime i hit the brakes, Darcy clouts me with her breasts. Its not a complaint, its an observation."

Vietnamese chef "aawwhh yeah.... pink"

And finally...

"Jeremy Clarkson... Fail!"

The Vietnam Special was the funniest top gear special i've seen. At parts i laughed so hard it brought me to tears. Was the Top Gear trio at their best.
 
My apologies if any of these have been posted before.

Jeremy during the first America road trip.

"I've bought this Camaro with only two previous murderers."

During the GTR race.

Jeremy: "Hammond won't be able to enjoy any of this because he won't eat anything unless it came from a burger van on the A35."

Cut to Hammond and May.

Hammond: "It's all fish...I don't like fish."

May: "Well you've come to the wrong country."

Talking about Hamster dragster crash.

Clarkson: "I could've held it."

Hammon: "In what the worlds longest powerslide, whist telling us about the price and there was no room in the boot?"
 
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I like this one from S04E02 sooo much:

JC (during the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren review): >>Apparently when they were designing it the guys from McLaren kept saying: ?Sounds like a Spitfire!? The guys from Mercedes said: ?Nein, nein, nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!? They?re both wrong actually. It sounds like the god of thunder ? gargling with nails!<<
 
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(s08e05)

Clarkson: "Now, when our guest tonight was last here, he was so spectacular, we named a corner in his honour. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... Sir Michael Followthrough!!"

:lol:
 
The one that always gets me to laugh.
07X03
James
"The thing about Ferrari is this. You can see the breeding, and feel it"
It's such a left field comment and he says it so nobly!
 
S10E07

JC (when comparing a Daihatsu Materia to the Ascari A10): "In a straight line at 85 miles an hour it will easily overtake the Ascari when it's doing 70!" :cool:
 
From topgear.com's Top Gear Live video:-

Jeremy: You've not been to Hong Kong before have you...I'll take you out after the shows...
Richard (looking worried): But when he said "take you out" that's not like a date scenario
Jeremy: Or that (puts fingers to Richard's head and mimes pulling trigger)
 
From early Series 2 (I think)
During a News Segment:

Jezza-"I was shot this week"
Hamster-"You what?"
James-"Really?!"
Jezza-"Ya, someone shot at me!"
Hamster-"...At last!":lol:

James (During the Amphibious Car Challenge II) "MAYDAY!!"

During the truck challenge with Jezza's drum kit
James-"On the drums, Jeremy Clarkson...'s lorry"
Jezza-*to the camera* "I'm very fond of my drum kit"
Hamster-"Drum roll down the hill!!"
Jezza- *to James n Hamster* "SHUT UP!!"

*About his failed theory of attatching magnets to the bumpers on cars*
Jezza-"I suppose there are some things I will have to work on"
James-"What like the Laws of Physics?"
 
"So what good is served by telling them that this man ? if that's what he is ? is just some bloke from Bristol? It's an absurd notion anyway. I'm from Bristol." ~ James in his recent Telegraph column (dealing w/all the recent speculation regarding the identity of The Stig)
 
From Clarkson's Fiesta review in The Times:

"Cars, here, are status symbols, they are penis substitutes, they are cherished members of the family, they are heart-starters, they are art, they are sex, they are glamorous, they are cool, they are something you probably don?t need. But, my God, you want one so badly that it hurts. Giving up your car is like giving up an emotion. It?s like giving up love, or happiness. And that?s why people will sell their children before they?ll sell their wheels."

Quoted for truth :D
Although I don't have kids
 
From S12E07 Tesla Roadster review:

Jeremy Clarkson: 'The volt-head has overtaken the petrol-head,... and yes....yes I have just heard that it is snowing in Hell!"
 
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From 9.3, the American Fly-Drive road trip

Jeremy: He will have walked into a dealers, said "Hello!" and they'll have shot him! ~ the way he imitates James just cracks me up every time.

Just reading upthread, the I HAVE SOILED MYSELF!!!! quote made me giggle like a fool.
 
Carrie said:
From 9.3, the American Fly-Drive road trip

Jeremy: He will have walked into a dealers, said "Hello!" and they'll have shot him! ~ the way he imitates James just cracks me up every time.

Just reading upthread, the I HAVE SOILED MYSELF!!!! quote made me giggle like a fool.
Click to expand...


It's the same "Hello" that Jimmy used in the flirting Alfa challenge... 2 series later. :lol:
 
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From episode 3 in season 12 on the Toyota iReel:

"They are a very polite people so I'm saying this quietly. We have had something simular in the UK for some time... it's called a wheelchair.." and then he drives off.

Cracks me up every time
 
*During Terry Wogan's lap*
Jezza- "I've never been so bored in my life!!"

Jezza: [about TVR Tuscan 2] "It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? "
[whilst driving]
Jezza: "Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't. "

*After they arrive at what they think is the finish line in Ha Long, and get the letter from the producers that they are not finished*
Jezza "...well, look on the bright side-"
Hamster-"No"

*During the African special*
James-"Oh look, elephants"
Hamster-"Aw look!"
Jezza-"They use their noses to shovel water into their mouths..."
Hamster-"Jeremy, that's rubbish commentary"

*Tractor challenge*
[Richard's tractor has just left the starting point for a power lap*
James-"...it's gone all quiet"
Hamster-*Starting to laugh* Well..."
Jezza-"How do you commentate on a tractor lap??!!"
 
RH: NOTHIIING!!!1

(while slamming the brakes onto his 100 pound Rover 400)
 
JM "Now he says his car is rear-engined but it's not a 911... I think he's bought an 'ilman Imp and he's making a submarine!"
 
Jezza referring to Hammond in Top Gear vs. the Germans:

"The atom in the Atom would clearly win, but who'd come second?":lol:
 
American Fly drive special
Hammond
"It's rainin, I'm drivin north-east, and I'm looking for a whore!"
:lol:
 
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