The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

12x06 by JC: "Do you really want that one though? Really? Honestly? A basic model?..'Cos I bet that's also sh-"
 
In my defence, when I joined and was trying to figure out what I wanted for an avvie, I didn't know someone else was using it; and it was the one I wanted to use. I swear; I didn't steal it. If anything, it means we have similar taste.

cock.

(edit: There.)
 
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My contribution:

JC:Right I've always wanted say this...
*May runs up*
JM:Back to the studio
*May runs away*
JC:MAY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! (something like that)

From the outdoor toys ep
*clarkson turns too sharply and his hovercraft digs in*
JC:I've definitely been killed!

Convertible Espace
*Clarkson sawing away*
JC:You know what I've just thought of?!
JM:What?
JC:I'm cutting the roof and I'm standing on it!
JM and RH:We were hoping you wouldn't notice!

Amphibious Cars 1
JC:If he drives out...I'm gonna kill myself.
RH:Really? Fair enough.

JC:I've got a spare outboard
RH:You are joking!
JC:How much will you give me?
RH:A million pounds, and a leg either leg take your pick!

A few classics:
*May's masts hit him in the head*
JM:OW!

JM:Good news!
JC:What?
JM:The Dacia Sandero is coming to the UK market!
JC:Anyway.

JC:Are you wearing that for a bet?
RH:No.
JC:Oh.

Amphibious Cars 2
JM:That's the fourth time I've been in this ruddy sea!

JC:Don't turn on a wave...wait...or something.
RH:I dunno I got scared!
JC:Maybe if we sneak up on it!
RH:All I can see is sky, sea, sky, sea!

JC:Beardy, you're going down!
 
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MAY! YOU'RE GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA FEED YOU INTO YOUR OWN MACHINE!
(about the Morgan aero maxx) When you open the manual it goes "Here ye,Here ye"
(watching james's shoes) OH MY GOD! WHAT KIND OF A IDIOT WOULD..(Camera pints to james)
 
Oh, well that would be me, then.
 
In the first amphibious cars episode:

Hammond holds up the bucket with holes in it.
JC: "You! You owe me a million pounds!"
 
Soviet cars:

JM: You have got wipers on your headlamps.
JC: They don't work
JM: Thats not the point, its aspirational
.
JM: What have you got on yours?
JC: Coils
JM: see, ELITIST!
.
JC: Seemed to have accidentally killed James May there. Anyway...
 
From another (presumably forgotten) thread, because nobody ever identified where the quote came from...

Ironlord said:
On the subject of Clarkson quotes, I wonder if anyone recognised this one:

"CHEESE! This accelerator is made of CHEESE!"

I'm sure it was him, having quoted it off a friend who I know watches a lot of Top Gear. But I can't for the life of me remember where it might have been. This may involve me watching all those old annual Jezza videos...
Click to expand...

Talking of annual Jezza videos, here's some selected cuts from Apocalypse Clarkson, where the curly-headed one tests the very Polish... *dramatic pause, famous Clarkson intonation* FSO Polonez!

I've often wondered what it was that drove Lech Wa??sa to stand up to the mightiest military machine the world has ever seen. Why did a shipyard worker from Gda?sk take on the Soviet Union? Well, now, it's all becoming abundantly clear. The man wanted a new car!
Click to expand...
Hear that? The sound of a Polish cog snicking into another Polish cog.
Click to expand...
And, as it is primed for its inevitable destruction...

Yes, I will hoist it to a height of 100 feet and drop it onto an unforgiving runway. But not just yet. First of all, I need to maul it a bit. Tease it. Punish it. That's why... *dramatic pause, famous Clarkson intonation* I'm going to play conkers with it.
So, what do you suppose we're going to bash it into? A big steel ball, perhaps? No. A bungalow? No, no, no. A hippopotamus? I think not. There is only one answer. Another! *famous Clarkson intonation* FSO Polonez!
Click to expand...
 
5x01 - During the 3-way muscle car test on the beach. Clarkson and May are jokingly flexing their arms and Jezza says "Welcome to Muscle Beach, Top Gear's version of Venice Beach in Los Angeles, only more (looks around)...no."
 
It`s Green?

J Clarkson: Yes it`s Green
 
May in 8x03, while practising his sailing:

"There's a boat there called 'Hey Presto' .... Oh, there's a boat right here called Puffin - hello Puffin!" -crash-
 
JC: A honey badger does not kill you to eat you, it tears off? your testicles.
RH: It does not!
JM: Why's it called the Honey Badger?
RH: Exactly!
JC: Because that's what made it angry.
RH: Why isn't it called the Badger of Death?
 
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