The Joke Thread

A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Hey, where did you get that?"

The parrot says "In Africa, there's tons of 'em."
 
A pirate walked into a pub with a steering wheel hanging from his belt.

The bar tender said, "Hey, you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your belt?"

The pirate responded, "YAR.....it's driven me nuts."

Woah, just read that last one.
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Hey, where did you get that?"

The parrot says "In Africa, there's tons of 'em."

Dude... what kind of pick up do you drive?

http://img529.imageshack.**/img529/8292/134339xdfcwcc0.jpg
 
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A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Hey, where did you get that?"

The parrot says "In Africa, there's tons of 'em."

:mad: not at all funny

A pirate walked into a pub with a steering wheel hanging from his belt.

The bar tender said, "Hey, you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your belt?"

The pirate responded, "YAR.....it's driven me nuts."

:lol: plenty funny.
 
Man walks into hotel, has duck on head.

"How do you keep that thing balanced?" asks astonished receptionist.

"That's easy", says the duck. "I have sticky, webbed feet."
 
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy & pick up a box of tampons.

The assistant asked the older boy:
"How old are you & do you know what these are for?"

The older boy replied:
"I am eight & he is four & it said on TV if you use tampons you can ride a bike & swim....

...He can't do either"....
 
Not a joke, per se (it's an anecdote). but plenty funny, especially when you realize this does happen.

* Customer: "I need a new modem."
* Tech Support: "What's wrong with your current modem?"
* Customer: "The Internet light is not on."
* Tech Support: "Did you reset your modem recently?"
* Customer: "Yes I did, but what does it have to do with it?"
* Tech Support: "Well, resetting the modem wipes out your configuration profile, so we just need to reconfigure it."
* Customer: "Did you not hear me? The modem is broken, and I demand a replacement now!"
* Tech Support: "The modem is not broken. If you are willing to, we can configure it in about 2 minutes."
* Customer: "I want a new modem!"
* Tech Support: "We can't replace modems over a simple reconfiguration issue. All we have to do--"

CRASH.

* Customer: "Now it's broke! Replace the thing already!"
* Tech Support: "Ok sir, we cannot replace a modem that you destroyed, and your modem is past warranty, so you'll have to buy a new one anyway."
* Customer: "!*#$(*@#%!@&#$&*(!@#*$!@*^!@#$@" (Click.)
 
A guy is telling his pal "I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day."

"Whats a Freudian Slip?" the pal says.

"well it's when you mean to say one thing, but you really say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Just like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh', I asked her for 'to pickets to tittsburgh."

"Ohhhh, now I know what you are on about, It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, 'YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU FAT BITCH! "
 
A door-to-door salesman rings a doorbell. A ten year old boy wearing make-up, a bra and a skirt, holding a cigar in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other answers. "Is your mum or dad in?", asked the salesman. The boy replies: "What the fuck do you think?"
 
What's the difference between a duck?

One of its legs are both the same.
 
A door-to-door salesman rings a doorbell. A ten year old boy wearing make-up, a bra and a skirt, holding a cigar in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other answers. "Is your mum or dad in?", asked the salesman. The boy replies: "What the fuck do you think?"

That's Jimmy Carr although I don't recall the bra and skirt part.
 
A guy is telling his pal "I had the worst Freudian Slip the other day."

"Whats a Freudian Slip?" the pal says.

"well it's when you mean to say one thing, but you really say something else that reveals what you are really thinking about. Just like the other day I was at the airport and this really beautiful lady was helping me. Instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pittsburgh', I asked her for 'to pickets to tittsburgh."

"Ohhhh, now I know what you are on about, It's like the other day when I was having breakfast with my wife. I wanted her to pass me the Orange Juice, and instead I said, 'YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU FAT BITCH! "

Emo Phillips, if I recall.
 
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Hey, where did you get that?"

The parrot says "In Africa, there's tons of 'em."

Im black, am i allowed to chuckle?
 
This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

Maybe a Joke?
 
Loz,
That last post was great hehehe.

Here's one for ya. Maybe all the guys here know it...(Thinks to himself)...maybe we could have a forum for this too! LOL

What word describes the following?

'A man, a plan, a canal, Panama'


There will be a joke after this but I just couldn't resist....
 
Palindrome, coined by Teddy Roosevelt.
 
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