The Onion (America's Finest News Source) Thread

xoUtu.jpg


Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 5 Weeks

'I Made A Terrible Mistake' Says Heir To British Throne

LONDON?Barely a month after marrying 29-year-old Kate Middleton in a royal wedding ceremony watched by an estimated 2 billion people worldwide, Prince William announced Tuesday that he and Middleton have divorced and that the entire marriage was "a tremendous mistake in every possible regard." "I really don't know what I was thinking?we're a terrible match, I don't love her and never have, and, to be honest, I never really had any interest in being married in the first place," announced the now unattached Prince William to a dead-silent British press corps. "People thought our wedding was some sort of fairy tale, but I assure you it was all just some ghastly ceremonial farce that got out of hand. I'm just relieved it's over, frankly. And I'm glad I'll never have to see that awful woman again." Prince William then told the assembled reporters, "Well, see you all later," smiled, and walked back into Buckingham Palace
 
 
Members Of Twisted Sister Now Willing To Take It

September 29, 2008 | ISSUE 44?40

NEW YORK?In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it. "I acknowledge that we promised not to take it anymore, but things change. The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it," read a statement released by the band's lead singer, Dee Snider. "To clarify, we would still prefer not to take it, but as of now, taking it is an option that we would be open to. That is all." Bassist Mark "the Animal" Mendoza also stated that, in regards to what he wants to do with his life, he no longer solely wants to rock, but would instead prefer doing other things, such as raising a family and working as a claims adjuster in Rye, NY.

Original
 
Sad news. :(

We should have seen this coming though:

[video=youtube;aa6-toAyM94]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa6-toAyM94&feature=related[/video]
 
you guys will love this, people that think Onion articles are real haha :lol:

http://literallyunbelievable.org/

(sometimes the page doesnt load so you might have to hit reload on it)

tumblr_m809xrND5A1qkt6yoo1_500.png
 
Last edited:
All you need to know about the american news week in review

 
Last edited:

These Onion Talks are awesome. :lol:
 
Was recently reminded of this one. Classic.

Ya4kuNL.jpg
 
that contains a whole lot of truth to be a satire!
 
Satire often does.
 
 
Top