Troy Tulowitzki

teletubby-warrior

Da Superfan
Joined
Jul 13, 2006
Messages
3,249
Location
Chicagoland, IL
Tonight, I stumbled upon a seemingly random cartoon depicting the glorious Troy Tulowitzki.

Behold:



I soon discovered it was much more than meets the eye, a robot in disguise, if you will. Thanks to this helpful comment, I discovered that the Koreans also appreciate Tulo. The reasons for this are plentiful and quite obvious, but I will list a few of them anyway.


-Tulo hits for both power and average; he's a SS batting cleanup... do you know how rare that is? Of course you do:



-Tulo plays Gold Glove defense, but has yet to win a GG... an absolute tragedy:



-Tulo has sneaky-speed, much like a bear or an alligator:



-Tulo stands tall and proud in the box and laughs in the face of mere mortals:



-Tulo has an arm comparable to an ancient trebuchet, perhaps even a bronze cannon:



-Tulo is capable of growing the manliest of all man-mullets known to man:



-Tulo has been wearing eye black in Denver long before Tim Tebow felt the need to share his dedication to the lord through the use of creative face painting:



These wonderful traits are widely appreciated and universally accepted as gifts from the heavens. The real question is why the Korean cartoonist has consciously decided to draw Tulo's likeness holding a cardboard box with a pig on the side. Once I got over the shock and horror of the brazen blasphemy that is depicting Tulo in any way, shape, or form off of a baseball field, I delved deeper.

I wandered the desert for what seemed like decades until I discovered a pig on a tall mountain. I was severely food-deprived and naturally followed the creature into the mountains. The pig led me into a cave and introduced me to a book titled The Culture of Fengshui in Korea: An Exploration of East Asian Geomancy. After slaughtering the swine and feasting on its flesh, I began reading and soon found what I'd been searching for.

On page 262, I discovered the story of King Yuri. You see, during Yuri's 21st year as king, the pig which was to be used in the sacrificial rites ran away. Yuri, being the wise man he was, ordered one of his officers to chase after the pig. The officer eventually caught the pig and reported back to the king. T'was great news. The pig was captured in a region well-protected by mountains, rich in wildlife, and fertile for crops. King Yuri soon relocated the capital to this place and lived happily every after.





...so the demotivator has it all wrong. Troy Tulowitzki is not the Bringer of Pork. He is the bringer of all that the pig represents in Korean culture: wealth, prosperity, and good luck.

Troy Tulowitzki is the Bringer of Hitting for the Cycle and the Unassisted Triple Play.
 

Dogbert

Helsinki Smash Rod
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
6,458
Location
N38? 43', W90? 22'
Car(s)
Roger Dean's Rocks
So you'll make a random thread about Troy Tulowitzki, but there's still no mention of Lou Piniella retiring in the Sports thread?

Weird.

 
Last edited:

Polly

wants a cracker
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
Messages
4,110
Is there a particular reason why this isn't in the sports section? Except for the mullet, of course.
 

teletubby-warrior

Da Superfan
Joined
Jul 13, 2006
Messages
3,249
Location
Chicagoland, IL
I see alcohol really gets my creative juices flowing...

I have experienced the majesty of the mullet in person... it's breathtaking.
You mentioned watching that team before; lucky man.

So you'll make a random thread about Troy Tulowitzki, but there's still no mention of Lou Piniella retiring in the Sports thread?

Weird.
It's been dead for ages and I'm tired of bumping the damn thing. You can post in it as well, you know. Even comment or continue a discussion! :p

Is there a particular reason why this isn't in the sports section? Except for the mullet, of course.
Tulo transcends the Sports forum. At least you recognize the power of the mullet. :beer:

Everyone posrep teletubby for this awesome thread!
Nice try, but you know most everyone on here is too e-serious and dull to follow along. You shall not be victorious! :p
 
Top