Here's a few things that were going to happen in the season that we haven't seen yet:
Kit car challenge
Kit cars have been conspicuous by their absence on Top Gear. Well, rejoice stout fingernail breakers, because the Top Gear team is about to join your ranks, as we tasked Jeremy, Richard and James with building a whole Caterham, from scratch, against the clock.
And, to make things more interesting, our boys would be competing against another car-building team comprising Jeremy's wife, Richard's wife and James's girlfriend. Warning: This item may contain strong language, fist fights and scenes of a divorce-related nature.
On the spot
Yes, our great nation is steeling itself for World Cup fever as our boys go to battle on German soil to the delight of everyone. Well, everyone except Jeremy and James, who think footballers are big girls in Range Rover Sports.
Nonetheless, TG decided to get into the spirit of things by doing our bit for the beautiful game. That's why we'll be delivering the actual centre-spot turf for a World Cup pitch, from the secret location where it's grown, all the way to the stadium where it will form the most important part of the hallowed turf. This is a big job. And also a great way to test boot carpet soil-stain resistance.
Parkour blimey
If you asked people for their preferred way of getting around a city centre, most would probably say walking or driving. It's not likely you'd hear the answer, 'I like to jump perilously from building to building many metres above street level like some crazed monkey man in a kind of daredevil extreme sport we call Parkour'.
Fortunately, we eventually found someone who did give that answer and immediately roped him into one of our Top Gear races. In this case, our Parkour man has to get across a city in less time than the new Peugeot 207. It's the ultimate test of the new car's urban zippiness. And possibly also the ultimate chance to see a man really, really hurt his ankles.
It's not rocket science. Oh wait, it is
The climax of this year's Top Gear Winter Olympics special was the spectacular launch of a Mini off a ski-jump. And credit for the car's graceful flight goes to our friends at the British Rocketry Association.
Buoyed by that unlikely success, we asked them what else they could do, and naturally they suggested turning a Reliant Robin into the Space Shuttle.
So, with some light modifications, an unloved three-wheeler was transformed into an accurate replica of a NASA orbiter. Then we bolted rocket motors to the Reliant's belly, winched it onto a launch pad in the middle of an East Anglian airfield and retreated to a safe place. Which ideally would have been New Zealand.
Dads don't despair
Fatherhood may bring great pride and reward, but with it comes the risk of losing your dignity by driving an MPV. Of course it doesn't have to be this way, as Hammond demonstrates when he assembles three practical family cars that don't make you lose the will to live.
The Focus ST-engined Ford S-Max, AMG-wheeled Mercedes B200T, and the 237bhp Vauxhall Zafira VXR face up to the funky family car challenge. And from the off you'd have to say their designers knew the target market because each comes with a turbo - one small word that is guaranteed to make a dad feel he's getting his mojo back.
White van man challenge
No series of Top Gear can go by without some kind of foolish car-buying challenge for the presenters. So far they've bought sub-?100 cars, crusty 1980s coupes, inadvisably cheap Porsches and disastrously low-priced supercars. Now they face a more practical task.
Each of them must buy a van, one that works on at least some cylinders and has at least several parts that aren't rusted through, and use it to perform a series of vanly duties. We've got them shifting a variety of heavy loads and roadie-ing for a well-known beat combo. All of which could be a problem for Richard Hammond whose van seems to be a little, erm, small.
We're all going on a miserable holiday
TG is not famed for its love of caravans. All that holding up traffic and spoiling other people's views and then spending the weekend trudging to the shower block with a loo roll under your arm. But if you can't beat them, maybe it's time to join them, at least for one Bank Holiday.
So it was that the three presenters ended up on their own miserable odyssey. What's it like being the one at the front of a 15-mile tailback? What's it like having your home strapped behind you like a massive fiberglass snail? And what's it like being stuck in a confined space with James May, winner of the 2005 BAFTA for most flatulent man on television?
evans said:
Le Parkour? C'est tres bien!
Yes, I suck at French.