You Know you're ........when:

I'll do another one due to dual-citizenship:

You know you're Israeli when....


1. There?s something wrong with your nose.

Kinda. Not in the stereotypical way.

2. Your mother is crazy and a psycho path.

Sometimes. I will go no further.

3. Your mother got mad and hit you with kafkafim, the shoev avak, a hanger, belt, the broom, or the mop.

Hell. No.

4. You definitely have someone in your family named Shlomo, Moshe, David, or Yosef.

My middle name is David. So there.

5. Your house smells mad good when you come home on Friday.

YES. My mother bakes Challah every Friday as just one part of Shabbos Dinner.

6. Your mom is crazy about cleaning or has a maid to do it for her.

Not so much.

7. You HAVE to take of your shoes before you come in or go upstairs.

Not in my house.

8. You cant go one morning without your Nes Cafe or Shokoleet.

There was a time.

9. You know someone who works with cell phones.

A few, actually.

10. You own or smoke nargilah very often.

My parents would KILL me.

11. Your family is always fighting for the stupidest reasons

Yes.

12. You own or wear a Magen David, a Chai, or IDF necklace.

No jewelery

13. You love speaking in Hebrew to your fellow israelis.

Always.

14. When you're in Israel, you have to eat a Samboosak after a night out.

Either Sambusak or Sabich. Usually Sabich cause I like it better.

15. Your very loud and then blame it on being Israeli.

Every once in a while.

16. You have a huge attitude problem

Yes.

17. You?re stubborn as hell

Yep.

18. You go to Israel almost every summer vacation

I wish.

19. You've been to Eilat, Yam Hamelach or the Kineret at least once

once? 10+ at least.

20. You would take Burger-Ranch over anything, anyday.

Not over local Shawarma.

21. You love going on the El-Al planes and always finding someone you know.

Always.

22. Your Grandma in Israel always makes you eat by force.

I wish I had a grandma in Israel. They both live here.

23. Your teachers have a hard time saying either your first or last name.

Ha. sometimes.

24. You love Bamba and Bissli.

Bamba would kill me but Bissli is good stuff.

25. You like most of the Sarit Hadad or Eyal Golan songs.

A few.

26. If there's any Hebrew music in a party, you know all the words.

There isn't much so yeah it's easy.

27. Sometimes you only dance with your guy best friends in an Israeli party.

mmm nope.

28. Everytime you piss off your Mom she yells "Inal Abuk," "Ya Chatichat Zevel," or "Ya Behema"

Mom yells in english.

29. Your parents can never say shut up but instead say "Sharrap"

see above.

30. Your mom always shops at the neariest Israeli Makolet

Yes. Thank god.

31. Your parent's friends are like family and you've hung out with their children since birth.

Yep.


32. Your parents have a million Israeli friends.

Some. not that many.

33. You have the Israeli Channel and always hear "Chayeem America.... Margisheem Yisrael"

I WISH. Just found out this is a thing.

34. You've watched at least one episode of "Lagat Ba'Osher," "Mishcak Ha'Chayeem," or "Michaella"
Not a fan but yes.

35. You always open your refrigerator to find Milki, Gvinat Emek, or Prigat

Too expensive here in 'Muricah

36. You tell really long meaningless stories/jokes that no one finds funny

Welcome to my life.



37. You love using the words "Manyak," "Ben Zona," and "Kussemec" for no reason.

Fuck yeah ya benzonah kushomo motzetz ta'zayin shel imma shelcha!

38. You know someone who's an Israeli car dealer or autoparts salesman.

Only in Israel.

39. Every time you go to Israel, you have to get a Shoko Besakeet

It's the first thing I do every time I get off the plane. MUST HAVE SHOKO BESAKIT.

40. You love eating Levavot or Sheeshleek in Israel

Also out of israel it it's kosher.


41. You've been to at least one Israeli Concert

At least one?

42. You own at least one thing from Fox, Castro, or TNT

Am I a woman?

43. You love going to the Kenyoneem in Israel

this is fun.

44. You own at least one pair of Diesel Jeans from Israel

i do not.

45. You have A|X shirts but dont want to wear them that much because the Bucharians do.

I'm not a fucking Ars.

46. You know all the words to Ha'Sod, Ha'Finali, or Yeled Rechov

Is this a problem?

47. Everybody around you smokes in Israel all the time.

Everyone knows this.

48. You use the words "Mami," "Neshama," or "Kapara" every other sentence when speakin to a girl.

I'm not a girl so now.


49. You've you been to at least one Bar Mitvah in Colbeh

I have.

50. Your family loves eating at Grill Point, Pita Hot, or Hapisgah

Heard of these places but never been.

51. You crack up at the beach listening to the guy selling the Ices scream "Shoko Banana, Shoko Shoko, Tuti Fruti, Arteek!"

I love the popsicle man. Always clutch with the dry-ice covered cheap popsicles. the only time i ever had a mint popsicle.

52. Yo never understand if the lifeguard was screamin to you in Israel because he just says "Yeled, Tazuz Me'HaSla'eem"

hahah yeah.

53. You still watch Arutz HaYeldeem when you go to Israel.

good times.

54. You cracked up when you first heard the name Guy Penis and you thought they were kidding.

Of course I did. (he's an israeli TV personality by the way and it's the best name ever.
 
You know you're Northern Californian when...

Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

Your child?s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

Anything over 80f is too hot to do anything, anything under 65f is too freaking cold to do anything, unless you're in San Francisco, in which case it is a gorgeous day and you want to go sailing.

When you offer a cat some 'nip, you say "here, have a hit little dude".

Cookies/brownies that have not been tampered with taste really weird.

A really great parking space can totally move you to tears, especially in San Francisco.

You can navigate Berkeley without making a wrong turn.

Rain desperately frightens you, especially when driving.

Seeing a Ferrari is a bit dull, but a Hummer, now that's class. You're the man.

You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.

But you can also live on Chinese easily, and you can order without speaking a word of English.

In 'n Out IS king, no matter what other chains might say.

What's a stop sign?

You know the difference between southern red necks and west coast red necks. Hint, the red isn't from the sun.

You know what ?sigalert,? ?PCB,? and ?five? mean.

When foreigners hear you talk, all they hear is "duuuuuuuuuude".

You are proud of your largest cash crop.

Cloud? What cloud? The one on the internet???

Steve and Mike down the street are a really nice couple.

The moment you got your first piece of tech was more important to you than getting a driver's license.

Napa is boring. Sonoma is where it's at.

Those big lumbering herds of grass eating things are a total mystery to you, even though your TV insists that the happy ones come from here.

You know the real story of 420.

You've never ridden a cable car in your entire life.

You continually assert that you personally control the fate of the southern end of the state with your tap.

You can easily tell the real Californians and the pretenders apart.

"Down south" may as well be another planet.

(a few stolen, most made up)
 
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You know you're from Maine if...

1.. you've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.
2.. you get four inches of snow and you call it "a dusting."
3.. your neighbor's house was foreclosed after an unlucky 24 hour mini-cruise on the Scotia Prince.
4.. you don't understand why there aren't fried clamshacks elsewhere in the country.
5.. you know what an Irving is and the location of 15 of them.
6.. you knew all the flavors at Perry's Nut House.
7.. your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.
8.. you can drive the Augusta rotaries without slowing down.
9.. you've hung out at a gravel pit.
10.. you think a mosquito could be a species of bird.
11.. you once skipped school and went to Bar Harbor, Old Orchard Beach or Reid State Park.
12.. even your school cafeteria made good chowder.
13.. you've almost fallen asleep driving between Houlton and Presque Isle .
14.. you know how to pronounce Calais and Machias.
15.. you've made a meal out of a Jordan's red dye hotdog, a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips and a can of soda.
16.. you've gone to a Grange bean supper.
17.. in high school, you (or a friend) packed Deering Ice Cream cones.
18.. at least once in your life, a seagull pooped on your head.
19.. at least once in your life you've said, "It smells like the mill in here."
20.. there's a fruit and vegetable stand within 10 minutes of your house.
21.. you have shopped at the Big Chicken Barn.
22.. your idea of a traffic jam is being the second car at the stoplight.
23.. you wonder out loud if the state can just close its borders to people from away.
24.. your house converts to a B&B every July & August for people from away that you happen to know.
25.. all year long you're tracking sand in the house; from the beach in the summer and the roads and sidewalks in the winter.
26.. you have a front door but no steps to get to it.
27.. you use "wicked" as a multi-purpose part of speech.
28.. you have to have the sand cleaned out of your brake system every spring.
29.. you do the majority of your shopping out of Uncle Henry's.
30.. you've ditched the car on the side of the road somewhere because you thought you saw some good fiddleheads!
31.. you've had a vacation from school just to help the family pick potatoes.
32.. you know a lobster pot is a trap, not a kettle. Of course!
33.. you know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May.
34.. when you go to the dump and bring back more than you brought.
35.. when people from "away" ask for directions and you intentionally led them in the opposite direction they wanted to go.
36.. you watch "Murder She Wrote" and snicker at the stupid fake accents.
37.. you know how to find the rope swing at the quarry.
38.. you take the New Hampshire toll personally.
39.. you feel really really good when you cross the Piscatiqua River bridge into Kittery.
40.. you always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.
41.. a roll of duct tape and a can of flat black spray paint will get your car to pass inspection.
42.. you know how to avoid all the traffic at the Fryeburg Fair by using the "Secret Entrance".
43.. you have to replace your mailbox yearly because of the town plow.
44.. you know how to get from Cumberland to Fryeburg via the "Egypt Road".
45.. you can remember when the "Egypt Road" was a dirt track through the woods.
46.. when you're supposed to dress up, you wear plaid flannel with a tie.
47.. you know that Moody's Diner does NOT take credit cards!
48.. you actually miss the fifteen below zero mornings in winter because you enjoyed running or walking to workin the silent crystal stillness, punctuated by an idling car engine as the owner waited indoors for the car to warm up before his mad dash from warmth to warmth, and your lungs did not freeze; thank you very much for your concern.
49.. the word "stove" refers to what you did to the right front fender of your truck after you've had a wicked bring-up on a rock.
50.. there's too much "stuff" in your 2 "cah" garage to get either of your cars into it.
51.. you know what a frappe is.
52.. you know the smell of Woodsmens fly dope.
53.. you eat supper at night and dinner at noon.
54.. your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
55.. "vacation" means going to the Allagash for the weekend.
56.. you measure distance in hours.
57.. you know several people who have hit moose more than once.
58.. you often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
59.. you use a down comforter in the summer.
60.. your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
61.. you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
62.. you install security lights on your house and garage and leave them both unlocked.
63.. you think of the major food groups as moose meat, beer, fish, and berries.
64.. you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
65.. there are 4 empty cars running in the parking lot at the convenience store at any given time.
66.. you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
67.. driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
68.. you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
69.. you know all 4 seasons: almost wintah, wintah, still wintah and construction.
70.. you know what it means when someone says they are going upstreet.
71.. rumble strip warn not of toll booths, but moose crossings.
72.. school kids toss their lunch (homemade bread and lobster sandwiches) in the wastebasket because they have them so often.
73.. you can actually see the milky way.
74.. you can use your brights on the highway.
75.. L.L. Bean's not just a store, it's a way of life.
76.. you encounter any sign reading: "Next Exit: 246 miles".
77.. the nearest mall is 2 hours away.
78.. you have to yield for snowmobiles.
79.. lobster is $1.00 a pound.
80.. the state closes down at five o'clock.
81.. "The City" means exclusively Portland.
82.. "salt damage" is a viable insurance claim.
83.. all of the traffic lights blink yellow at 10 o'clock at night.
84.. it's not a storm, it's a nor'eastah.
85.. open 24/7 might as well be Greek.
86.. you say room and people think you are saying rum.
87.. you can buy a minivan with four wheel drive and chained tires.
88.. all addresses start with RR#
89.. you've seen a woman mowing her lawn in the nude.
90.. a rest stop means a pit toilet and a picnic table.
91.. you know Moxie isn't a woman's magazine.
92.. you know that L/A doesn't mean a city in California.
93.. you know who "Marty on the mountain" is.
94.. you go "off-roading" before and after school.
95.. you just go for rides in your truck around town for no apparent reason other than to take a ride in your truck around town.
96.. you get turned on when you see a big pickup witha loud muffler.
97.. you diet all week so you can consume 40,000 calories at a fair.
98.. you eat ice cream with flavors like 'MooseTracks" and "Maine Black Bear".
99.. you know that a chocolate doughnut is not a white doughnut with chocolate frosting.
100.. you call any long sandwich an "Italian".
101.. you know what fly dope is.
102.. you eat potato chips with flavors such as "clam dip", "ketchup" and "dill pickle".
103.. the smell of clam flats at low tide, while disgusting, brings back fond memories of childhood trips to the beach.
104.. you call the basement "downcellah."
105.. your grandmother called shorts "shots".
106.. you live in a mobile home and have a brand new car and a satellite dish.
107.. you see a beat up Ford Pickup with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'd rather be bowhunting."
108.. you can hum the tune of "You should have bought it when you saw it at Mardens?"
109.. you actually know what "Cumby's" is.
110..You know what the Old Port is.
111..You understand the theory behind Dimillo's floating restaurant.
 
a couple of those are New England things, like Cumby's. Whenever I hear someone fully pronounce Cumberland farms I give them a look.
 
Ayuh, and Irving, too. My niece lives in New Hampshire and works at an Irving.

And I have often wished that they could seal the borders against people From Away. If you wanted to get through, you would have to be able to say "Calais" and "Machias" properly.
 
You know you are from Maryland if:

  1. You know how to pronounce 'Towson'
  2. You know B&O is not body odor.
  3. Every kitchen has a can of Old Bay.
  4. You refer to your state as "Marilyn."
  5. When anywhere else, you can only laugh when you see signs saying "Maryland Crab Cakes!"
  6. You know which bridge their talking about, when someone says "The bridge traffic is backed up." (This one)
  7. 1 hour is an easy commute to work
  8. You can tell the difference between the smells of septic and marsh.
  9. You think of "Dairy Queen" as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.
  10. You'll never understand why tourists come to DC.
  11. You color with "crowns"
  12. Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius of your town.
  13. At least one man in your family is a waterman
  14. You know where Perdue chicken comes from.
  15. You call it D.C., not Washington or Washington, D.C. (And don?t understand why people are confused by it)
  16. You say you're from DC, but you actually live in Maryland but are too tired to explain where that is (an hour north/south/east/west of DC is also an acceptable answer)
  17. "I got stuck behind a motorcade" is a common and real excuse for being late.
  18. When you say you're "going to the mall" and you don't mean shopping.
  19. You've claimed that there's nothing to do on a weekend even when you have the entire nation's capitol to explore.
  20. You realize that I-395 is Northern Virginia's version of NASCAR. (as is 270, and 495, and any major highway in the area)
  21. There is no such thing as North, South, East, or West on the beltway, it's just the Inner circle / outer circle.
  22. You have a few friends who don't know what their parents do...It's Top Secret government work.
  23. You can harmonize perfectly with the alert for "Doors Closing" on the Metro.
  24. You turn on the "local news" to hear about the latest national scandals/events.
  25. Coke is always called coke. It's not soda or pop, or even soda pop. As in "Hey do you want a coke?" "Yes, what do you have?" "Sprite, root beer, Coke..."
  26. If you own a map of Montgomery county that is more than 2 months old, you know it is outdated
  27. The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is from 1 to 8 PM. The lunch rush is from 11 AM to 1 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.


Some are mine, found some, and some stolen from here.
 
You know you're an Oklahoman, when...
  • You say "ya'll"... many times a day.
  • Bedlam is a BIG deal.
  • You can tell when it's tornado weather.
  • When you drive through a neighborhood anyone out walking will smile and wave at you.
  • You've worn flip flops in the winter.
  • You have stopped to let a family of deer cross the road.
  • You thought the twister ride at Universal Studios wasn't windy enough.
  • You know who your neighbors are, how many children they have, and when one of them gets married or graduates.
  • There are at least 2 to 3 Sonics, McDonalds, and Little Ceasars in your town.
  • You've been off-roading - many times - on your own land.
  • You or someone you know was born, raised and still lives in the same town.
  • You know that Miami, Oklahoma and Miami, Florida are pronounced two different ways.
  • You plan events around football games.
  • You learned how to do country and western dances at school.
  • A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
  • You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah and Chickasha.
  • You know exactly what calf fries are, and eat them anyway.
  • You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
  • It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.
  • You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
  • A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
  • It doesn't seem odd to see the term "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.
  • You save all your life for your dream vacation, and use it to go to the OU/Texas game.
  • It doesn't seem peculiar if your sweetie says "I'm going in to town for something" even though you live in town.
  • You don't turn on the news until 20 minutes past the hour, because that's the only thing you care about anyway.
  • Your quarterback is hurt and it is the top story on the six o'clock news.
  • You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
  • You go to the State Fair for your only vacation.
  • You get up at 5:30 A.M. and go to the coffee shop, where the waitress never asks what you would like. She already knows.
  • You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
  • You know what the "Sea of Red and White" is.
  • You can drive 80 mph on a two-lane dirt road with one hand, but driving 45 mph on a four-lane expressway in a city scares you to death.
  • You use manure on your grass instead of Weed and Feed.
  • Your nearest neighbor is in the next zip code.
  • You know the difference between fee corn and sweet corn ... while it's still on the stalk.
  • You wear cowboy boots to church.
  • You know that everything goes better with Ranch.
  • You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
  • "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."
 
You know you're from Vancouver when:

You know how to pronounce Squamish, Osoyoos, Ucluelet, Esquimalt, Sooke & Nanaimo.

You're confused when people from anywhere else say that the hill you just walked up is a mountain

A nice day means its not raining no matter how cold or cloudy it is. A beautiful day means you can see the mountains.

You consider anything below 5 degrees to be freezing.

However, you consider 20 degrees and above ?roasting?.

You despise the B.C. Ferries and Translink

You assume you?ll pay more than $25 for a cab ride no matter where you?re going.

Tourism, the Port of Vancouver, fishing, and forestry related businesses are Vancouver?s four main industries ? next to grow ops.

A yellow light means keep going and a red light means three more cars

You know what ?The Big One? means

The cars in the student parking lot are way nicer than the cars in the staff parking lot.

A one hour parking spot equals minimum wage.

if you buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time

You take the bus and are shocked to hear two people carrying on a conversation in English.

You make over $250,000 a year and still can?t afford a house
 
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