Clarkson's Column (without Jeremy) (spoiler RE next series)

[TurnerGTX]

First I’d like to apologise to Jeremy’s fans for taking over his column this week. I’m not sure where he is, even though I work with him. This time last year a daily newspaper published a photograph of him in swimming trunks on the beach in Barbados. The headline said: “How about a Top Gear special on tyres, Jeremy (start with your spare one)”.

Quite amusing but it wasn’t so funny when later that week a burglar (who’d caught on to the fact he was away) bluffed his way into Clarkson’s London flat by telling the porter he was Clarkson’s nephew. He got away with quite a haul.

So now Jeremy doesn’t announce where he’s going. A few weeks ago he was preparing to drive to the North Pole in a Toyota pickup truck, so maybe he’s there right now, banging into igloos and polar bears. On the other hand he could be at home cleaning the automatic rifle that he keeps clipped to the dashboard of his ex-military Land Rover. If I were a burglar I’d be thinking: “Do I feel lucky?”



What I do know is that Clarkson will be jealous when he sees the car I got my hands on. It’s called a Spyker Laviolette and it’s so exclusive that if you order one you can watch it being made on a webcam. The camera points at a workstation at the assembly plant in the tiny town of Zeewolde in Holland. During the four weeks it takes to build the car, you can log on and see four Dutchmen wearing name badges fit together aluminium body panels, bolt the engine into place and wire up the dashboard. It’s a bit like Big Brother for petrolheads and it’s a good way to check whether the salesman is telling the truth when he says the factory is working flat out to finish your car.

http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol...cle1622662.ece

[3Colin]

This isn't entertaining because I don't know who the columnist is. It was fun when Clarkson's wife took over, why can't she do it?

[Blythy]

errr, cos she's on holiday too.

[ahpadt]

Originally Posted by 3Colin

This isn't entertaining because I don't know who the columnist is.

Read carefully, and you find: Nicholas Rufford.

[3Colin]

Holiday? I thought he was working...

And I know his name, I just don't know much other than that. Maybe I should, I don't know.

[TurnerGTX]

As Jeremy Clarkson’s editor, I frequently get letters from readers who are interested in his weekly column. “What kind of sick and disturbed person are you,” they typically write, “letting a maniac like Clarkson loose in The Sunday Times? Do you pay him for that rubbish?”

Others are less restrained. Here’s one from Stephen Whitehead of Rotherfield, East Sussex: “Just a brief note to tell you why I have stopped buying The Sunday Times after 40 years of readership. I am disgusted by Jeremy Clarkson’s ignorance of all evidence that our planet is dying and by his reviewing and encouraging the use of cars that will achieve speeds of 170mph and consume fuel at 10, 15 or 20mpg. All is total lunacy.

“PS Why was that idiot [Richard Hammond] driving a jet car at nearly 300mph? 70 is the limit!”

http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol...cle1649402.ece

[Buba]

Spoiler for upcoming season? Hilux goes to the Northpole??

[AML]

Others are less restrained. Here’s one from Stephen Whitehead of Rotherfield, East Sussex:

What an utter bullshit. What an utter idiot.

[anTo]

the ps did me in lol haha hilarious stuff

[ttyrants911]

Jeremy's currently doing some sort of expedition type thing in deepest Africa or somewhere hot. He had to go on a diet of carrots and diet coke (mentioned in an early eppi of series 9) to lose a stone and he also mentioned in one of his articles back near Christmas I think it was that he was doing some sort of expedition and had to buy a rowing machine to get fit for it in April.
Sorry, i can't find the links at the moment as I am at work and am skiiving.

[IceBone]

Is this webcam available to non buyers as well?

[vescaegg]

my mate is at the north pole at the moment, top gear are staying at the same base as him. they are racing a dog and sled (hammond) and a pickup truck (clarkson and may) to the north pole.

heres photos from my mates base camp, with richard and the pickup truck (red) and support vehicle (black) they are using.

http://vescaegg.myphotoalbum.com

!!!!spolier!!!!





he also says he was talking to the support crew and they have a rollover of the pickup planned, and a running out of fuel scenario. they are all planned down to every last detail aparently!

[mackeand]

hey vescaegg thanx for posting up the photos i sent u but could u please take the 1 of me down as i dont whant them getting angry at me as the topgear guys are still here and i have to share the base with them to people who rplyed in my previous thread by the way i am dislexic and dispraxic so i cant spell or use grammmer so please go fuck ureself plus im in the middle of the north pole with a very shit internet connection so spending my time making my writing look great could take me hours then it will all get deleated when my internet conncection fails as it is less than a dial up connection and via satalite so please just be happy that i botherd to tell u that the new topgear race is confirmed their here right now the red 4x4 arrived last night hammond and the other 1 has been here for about 3-4 days and what their doing ive spoken to them all directly and it is confirmed and is airing sometime in june or jully u guys having a go at me should be happy i botherd to answer ure question and more by taking photos of the cars and bothering to spend hours uploading them to vesca egg so he can post them up what does paragraphs or full stops do just read it it its not that bloody hard and stop being so up ure own arse and be happy uve found out the answers to ure questions or please call an inuit up here and see how well they will type it up for u and see if u understand that ure lucky im english and know what the show is to be botherd to tell u apart from me no1 up here knows that its even a tv show they just think oh those trucks are nice THATS IT and yes what vesca egg is true they are the cars and their parked right outside southcamp inn were the guys are staying if u dont like my spelling or grammer u try half a dial up connection when u'll be lucky if it actually gets through and see if ure botherd just be happy and accept it

[Mercury]

Originally Posted by vescaegg

!!!!spolier!!!!





he also says he was talking to the support crew and they have a rollover of the pickup planned, and a running out of fuel scenario. they are all planned down to every last detail aparently!

I can hardly say I'm surprised this sort of thing is planned ahead, after all in every trip they go on wonderous and amazing things happen. Hardly something I think they leave to luck.

Great to see they already started filming though, with the whole contract fiasco i thought it would take longer.

[BlaRo]

Originally Posted by mackeand

by the way i am dislexic and dispraxic so i cant spell or use grammmer so please go fuck ureself

No you're not. You're just fucking retarded.

You don't need to have a specific "condition" to be able to hit the bloody Enter key. Or those two strange doohickeys known as punctuation marks. Grow up.

[Jezzabelle]

I was really excited to get the latest about this TG challenge, and could understand the original message perfectly if I read it carefully.
Honestly, what matters is surely the NEWS, not so much the way it is presented.
Thank You for letting us know about the North Pole Challenge

[Jezztopia]

Ta for the pics. Looks mighty cold. Going from the Caribbean to the Pole can play havoc with a man's engine. Look forward to the challenge.

[Jezzabelle]

I hope the real Mrs C has remembered to pack thermals for Jeremy...

*goes into a girl type worry about men getting cold 'bits'...

And can you tell me what type of Toyota 4x4s they are in the photos please?

[Magnet]

One is a Hilux (red one), the black one is a LandCruiser Prado (just a normal LandCruiser for all you non-offroad driving Euros )

[poptya]

pics arent working