An introduction to JC - 20 things on Sun's new Motormouth

[jarborra]

I was looking for Jeremy's notorious Vauxhaul Astra review, when I found the following introduction to Jeremy Clarkson in The Sun from 1995. Obviously we all know who he is, but that even makes the short article even more interesting I think:

Originally Posted by The Sun

He's Britain's most outrageous, outspoken motoring expert.

Motormouth Jeremy Clarkson has made his name with hard-hitting opinions and hilarious, off-beat road tests.

The controversial style of the BBC2 Top Gear presenter has won him an army of fans-but also a few enemies. And from this week you can read his uncompromising views in your roaraway Sun.

Here are 20 things you never knew about the craziest car critic of them all:

1. Jeremy is responsible for the cuddly Paddington Bear toys. His mum Shirley made him a Paddington with wellies and a hat when he was six years old-and he loved it so much she set up a business making them. Shirley made a fortune and Jeremy worked for the family firm until becoming a freelance journalist. He still has the original bear which started it all.

2. Jeremy went to posh public school Repton, in Derbyshire, but was thrown out for breaking all the rules and spending too much time hanging around a neighbouring girls' school. He says: "I was far more interested in the girls than lessons. My parents were in utter despair.''

3. Jeremy, who is 6ft 5in tall, once discovered that he could not fit into a car-so he asked the diminutive Noel Edmonds to stand in for him. Jeremy says: "We were filming in a Ford GT40 and we found out that I was nine inches too tall to get into it. So I rang Noel Edmonds and told him, `You're a short-arse, so can you do this for us?' And he did.''

4. Although he gets fan mail from lovelorn women, Jeremy reckons he is the world's most unlikely pin-up. He adds: "My stomach is the size of a Spacehopper, I weigh 16st and my teeth are yellow from smoking far too much.''

5. He reckons that cars are like the countries they come from. He calls BMWs "Nazi staff cars'' and says you should never buy French or Spanish cars because "the Frogs are our oldest enemies and the Spaniards murder bulls and can't cook''.

6. Most TV personalities have a fan club-but not Jeremy. Instead, there's a club for people who HATE him. It started after he said Norfolk people were "so inter-bred that they don't know the difference between a Ferguson tractor and a Ford Capri.'' The club was started at last year's Motor Show and Jeremy says: "In a way it's a real honour. I think almost the whole car industry belongs to it now.'' He made his comments about Norfolk after a cashier at a petrol station near Norwich didn't know what to do with his credit card. The man put it in the till. Jeremy says: "I thought he was having me on. How can you not know what to do with a credit card?''

7. Jeremy admits he would nick cars if he wasn't rich. He says: ``If I was a 14-year-old kid brought up on a council estate in Doncaster and stood no chance of getting a job, then, yeah, I'd nick cars. I'd be reversing into Dixons every night.''

8. Before getting his job on Top Gear, Jeremy lived with some ex-school friends in London. "It was all vomit-stained walls and curry packets-the house from hell,'' he says. "What little money we had went on booze and fags. Women didn't like coming around but once they did, that was it because they stuck to the carpet and couldn't get out.''

9. He met his wife Francie in a pub but they were pals for ten years before they started dating. The couple got married in May 1993 and Francie is now seven months pregnant with their second child, who will be a brother for Emily, now two.

10. Little Emily is already being groomed to be a daredevil driver by her dad. He says: "I have converted a lawnmower into a go-kart for her. She has just started to walk so she will be ready for it soon.'' The family live in a beautful stone house in the Cotswolds.

11. Jeremy is a heavy smoker and insists on Marlboro. "I like a proper heterosexual cigarette and Marlboro is like red meat on a stick,'' he says.
"Food is really a prelude to smoking-a bit like sex. You have to go through the whole procedure just so you'll enjoy a fag more than if you hadn't done it.''

12. He also loves Budweiser beer. "It's the only thing the Americans do better than us,'' he says. "They make good cars but great beer. I can't stand all that real-ale stuff-Old Man's Underpants, the stuff with twigs and old soil in it.''

13. Jeremy also hates the politically correct brigade who protest about the environment. "I'd like to announce that we're pulling down the veal farms to build more motorways-just to confuse them,'' he says.

14. He was once banned from test-driving Toyota cars after he branded them characterless and boring. He said that the Toyota Corolla was one of the worst cars ever made and had been designed like a washing machine. Vauxhall also blacklisted him after he took the mickey out of their new Vectra. "Both companies have almost forgiven me now,'' he says.

15. The fastest Jeremy has ever gone is 186mph in a Lamborghini Countach. He confesses: "It was terrifying'' and vows to go no faster than 150mph in future.

16. He thinks that buying personalised number plates is a "filthy nouveau thing to do'' - but wouldn't mind a pair. He says: "I'd like an amusing one such as DEV1L or PEN1S or, best of all, ORG45M.''

17. Jeremy happily admits: "I've no idea what makes cars work. If somebody told me to change the plugs I'd be looking in the boot. But I know which one to drive if you want to pull the birds.''

18. Jeremy drives a Jaguar XJ6 and a Volvo 850R. He used to have an Escort Cosworth, which he loved, but it was given away as a prize in a competition.

19. He used to work on a local paper, the Rotherham Advertiser, but wasn't a big success. He says: "I was a crap reporter. The worst time was when I got slung out of an inquest for laughing at the evidence, which wasn't funny.''

20. Jeremy thinks cars are sexy...but no substitute for women. He says: "There's no swelling when I climb into car, unlike if I was, say, climbing into Claudia Schiffer. And driving a Ferrari isn't as good as bedding Kate Moss-but it's probably not far off.''

(22 January 1996)

[fbc]

Originally Posted by The Sun

1. Jeremy is responsible for the cuddly Paddington Bear toys.

[Buba]

Nice find!

[hajj]

Great! So my idea's about his school career were right

[KryptonZone]

Damn hell! This is great! Thanks mate!

[rzzth]

Sounds like a load of bullshit

[Ultra_Kool_Dude]

One-of-a-kind.

[dodge_911]

Thought i read that somewhere before....

http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/enc...y_clarkson.htm

[Ed.]

All old news and some of it is out of date.He doesnt smoke anymore for starters and has driven Toyotas since!!

[jeffy777]

Quit smoking, eh? That's good to hear

[avanti]

Originally Posted by Ed.

All old news and some of it is out of date.He doesnt smoke anymore for starters and has driven Toyotas since!!

He does in fact own (or at least he did during the first series) a Toyota Land Cruiser. You can see it in episode 1x10

[Leppy]

15. The fastest Jeremy has ever gone is 186mph in a Lamborghini Countach. He confesses: "It was terrifying'' and vows to go no faster than 150mph in future.

gees How old is that??

[bone]

when did he stop smoking???

last season he sure used to smoke

[TheSaint]

Yeah I went to a taping of Top Gear USA earlier in the year and he had a fag on immeadiately the cameras stopped rolling. They even had to waft smoke out of the way before they started taping again!

[Buba]

^^ He IS going to kill himself... If he can magically doesn't need a wheelchair the next 10 years, he will have lung cancer...

Buba

[KryptonZone]

Do you hate him that badly? Hahahaha!

[jarborra]

To quote myself...

I found the following introduction to Jeremy Clarkson in The Sun from 1995.

...this article is from 1 9 9 5 so no it isn't new but I thought it was sufficiently interesting to post. My hat's off to you if you knew all of these 20 things. Maybe y'all should write a book on JC that dumbfucks like me could buy.

[jeffy777]

Originally Posted by jarborra

To quote myself...

...this article is from 1 9 9 5 so no it isn't new but I thought it was sufficiently interesting to post. My hat's off to you if you knew all of these 20 things. Maybe y'all should write a book on JC that dumbfucks like me could buy.

I thought it was interesting too, even if it's not late-breaking news there's some stuff I sure didn't know

[KryptonZone]

I just had a bit of a thought. Okay, I really do think reading up about Jezza is rather interesting and it kinda give me an understanding about his whole psyche and thought process, buuut... If there a tiny bit of "stalking" in this whole thing? I hope there isn't...

[Leppy]

Originally Posted by jarborra

To quote myself...

...this article is from 1 9 9 5 so no it isn't new but I thought it was sufficiently interesting to post. My hat's off to you if you knew all of these 20 things. Maybe y'all should write a book on JC that dumbfucks like me could buy.

Yeah... should have read what you wrote before jumping into the fact pool.

ahh well..