Clarkson on Americans

[SL65]

"Clarkson on Americans" - now there's a title you gotta love!

We have an image of the American motorist, his big flobbery stomach, flobbering from state to state in a big, flobbery car with big flobbery suspension at a flobbery 55mph. For many years, I've argued that the heart of the average American motorist beats approximately once every 15 minutes. Technically, they're in a coma. But, sadly, this is wrong.

Nowadays, the American motorist drives at the same speed we do, 80 or 85. And he's the most aggressive creature on earth. If you wish to change lanes on the freeway, because, say, your turn-off is approaching, you can indicate all you like, but no one will slow down to let you in.

They won't speed up, either. They'll just sit there until you remember you're in a rental car and make the move anyway. Then you'll get a selection of hand gestures that you never knew existed. I know of no country in the world where motorists are so intolerant of one another.

The slightest mistake causes at the very least a great deal of horn blowing and, at worst, a three-second burst from some kind of powerful automatic weapon. Then we have the question of tailgating. Of course, this happens elsewhere - I've actually been nudged by a nun in Italy - but there's nowhere it happens so often as on the American freeway.

Everyone sits as a matter of course about three feet from your rear end. Which, when you're being followed by a Kenworth truck and you're doing 80, and he has an M16 carbine, and you need to turn left, and the person on your inside won't let you in, can be a bit unnerving.

It isn't how they drive that's changed, either. It's what they drive. Now, for every nondescript Kojak-style saloon, you'll see two Evos or Subarus. And almost every car has been modded in some way. My favourite was an orange Lotus Exige parked at the pumps in the middle of Death Valley.

"Yeah," said the rather serious-looking driver when I approached, "I've given it two degrees more camber on the back, fitted a 25 per cent softer compound on the front, uprated the supercharger..."

"So," I said after I'd had enough, "you've ruined it".

He was genuinely taken aback. I believe there's a sense over there that car makers are pretty incompetent. And that if GM, Chrysler and Ford can't make a car properly, then what chance do those funny little trolls in Europe have? Never mind the l'il yella fellas from under the rising sun.

I tried to explain to our American friend that the Exige was put on sale after much development work and that if a two-degree shift in rear camber would make it handle better, then he could be assured that it'd be sold that way in the first place.

But he was having none of it, launching instead into a long list of things he'd done to make the Toyota engine run cleaner and better than Tojo had managed. If you want to know what these measures are, he'll almost certainly still be there. It's the only garage in Baker. You can't miss it.

Anyway, the thing is that, thanks to the new found fondness for modding and pimping, and the more aggressive driving style, there are a great many modded and pimped cars on the market. Most of which seem to be based on the new Ford Mustang.

That's no bad thing. With its see-saw damping and damp dishcloth V8, the standard product is like one of those 'girls next door' you see featured in FHM. You sense that with a bit of lighting here and a bit of eye shadow there, you could turn the pasty-faced teenager from Pontefract into the next Claudia Schiffer. Shelby's given it a bash with mixed results.

There's lots of power - 475bhp - but the handling, steering and brakes remain untouched. Which means you're paying extra, simply to have a bigger accident. Roush is different. Roush currently fields, I think, five of 43 Winston Cup Nascar racers, which makes the company a bit like Ferrari, McLaren and half of Williams rolled into one.

Roush is also responsible for the alarm/tracker on my GT, so that's not so good. But I don't allow personal issues to cloud my judgement. Actually, I do allow personal issues to cloud my judgement - it's why I punched Piers Morgan - but on this occasion, I'm going to play it straight and say, straight out, the Stage III Roush Mustang is a delightful way of going fast for not much money.

This opinion rather baffled the salesman. "But it's $43,000," he said incredulously. Precisely, that makes it £23,800 and that, for a supercharged V8 muscle car is amazing, really. "Yes," said our man, "but our car only produces 415bhp which is a lot less than you get from Shelby or Saleen." To his astonishment, I wasn't bothered.

415bhp endows the Roush 'Stang with a 0-60 time of 4.9secs and a top speed of something or other. No one's tested it. But I can tell you the speedo only reads to 140. So in a straight line, it's not that epic. It is, however, when you get to a corner because it's lowered, firmed up and injected with a bit of beef. It's 15 per cent stiffer than normal and to be honest, so was I.

There's no finesse, it's not like a BMW in any way, but for sticking the tail out and keeping it there using nothing but the throttle, it's in the same league as that other colonial upstart, the Monaro VXR. This begs a question, then. Would it be possible to import such a car to Britain?

I'm not talking about the technicalities because, of course, you simply put it on a ship, pay some tax and within a few weeks, it'll be outside your house, ready and road legal. No, I'm talking about the sociological issues. Would it be possible to import this car... without causing all your friends to die laughing. At you.

Tell someone you drive a Mustang and no matter what it is, you'll come across as a bit of a local DJ. We think of it in terms of Bullitt. Everyone else thinks we look like we may be married to our sister. And do you really want a car with two stripes down the bonnet? And exhausts which sound like Katrina?

In America, this works. But that's because they are so much more aggressive than we are. They gave the world KFC. We gave the world the cream tea. And I suspect driving a Roush Mustang here would be like dipping a chicken drumstick into strawberry jam.

And then there's the politics. This car means you are aligning yourself with US policies. You're driving around saying you support the war in Iraq and the strategy in Afghanistan. Maybe you do. But I don't.

So why, you may be wondering, do I own a Ford GT? That's simple. The body is British, the gearbox is British, the steering rack is from an Aston, the chassis was set up by a couple of guys from Lotus, the wheels are German and the brakes are Italian. The power is American, yes, but it's tamed and sophisticated by Europeans. It's a metaphor, in other words, for the perfect world.

www.topgear.com


What a brilliant article, I love his style of writing! Didn't know it was so hard to drive in America Australia's pretty good in that respect - people give way.

[HOKUM]

"Which means you're paying extra, simply to have a bigger accident."

[kekekeke]

let the flaming begin lol

[zenkidori]

lol, looks like JC was in California recently!

[watto]

'"So," I said after I'd had enough, "you've ruined it".'

Great article as always from JC.

[BlaRo]

Ok Clarkson, we have guns, get over it. Through he's completely right about the driving!

Also, just for the record this shows that he does indeed like American cars.

[fbc]

As ever JC, great work.

[dutch_designer]

I've always liked the new Mustang.. that Roush version sounds great indeed.
Would be nice if we could see an item like this in Top Gear, showing a bit more about the US tuner houses.

[osabros]

great article!

[Scott]

very good stuff... and the word flobbery is just friggin' COOL!

[Lilleput]

Originally Posted by BlaRo

Also, just for the record this shows that he does indeed like American cars.

He likes American power, but in European bodies..

[nomix]

This is the greatest Clarkson Article in the world.

Lilleput: Not just that, he likes European suspension and technology.

[omarmakki]

JC must come over here (Egypt) one day. He must try driving here!
From what I just read. Driving in the US is like a dream compared to driving here!!

[zenkidori]

Originally Posted by dutch_designer

I've always liked the new Mustang.. that Roush version sounds great indeed.
Would be nice if we could see an item like this in Top Gear, showing a bit more about the US tuner houses.

Roush mustangs are pretty good. They do a lot with suspension and handling, something most domestic tuners don't focus enough on. Roush owners are usually a bit different than your average musclecar guy, a few I've met havn't even touched thier engines(apart from what's normal), only got the uprated suspension and body bits.

It's funny how he rips on a guy for tuning an elise and says cars come good enough from the factory, then goes on to like Roush.

[3Colin]

I think Clarkson has a fairly good handle on what terrible driving is like, having been to places like India and Vietnam.

In Clarkson's mind, the engineering standards of Ford and the engineering standards of Lotus are quite different. Plus, Roush is an experienced racing and tuning house, the guy he talked to was a birk with a spanner. Worlds apart.

[zenkidori]

Not really. All production cars are the result of a compromise, even the elise. To say there isn't anything a normal person can do to improve the performance of the elise is stupid. Why would lotus give you adjustable suspension if that were true? I think JC just doesn't want anyone messing with the Elise, which is fine.

as a side note, there is a lot of tuning to be done on the 2ZZ that comes with the Elise. A lot more power can be gained any number of ways, it's a pretty good engine.

Not sure why people take JC so seriously. He's a funny guy and a good writer. Thinking that everything he writes is serious and should be taken as so misses the point.

[GraemeH]

Originally Posted by zenkidori

It's funny how he rips on a guy for tuning an elise and says cars come good enough from the factory, then goes on to like Roush.

His point was that American car companies are so incompetent, Americans are used to tuning their cars after-market, so they do it even with European cars that don't need it.

[Mercury]

It's funny how he rips on a guy for tuning an elise and says cars come good enough from the factory, then goes on to like Roush.

Well he was talking about the Exige not the Elise...The Exige is pretty much a tuned car.
And he also said that it's American cars that need the tuning,Lotus on the other hand know what they're doing. It's up for debate that bit ,but he does make a clear point...Plenty to mod on American cars but the Exige is pretty much perfect as it is and playing with the rear camber will likely only make you drift all the time.

[zenkidori]

LOL. You guys take this too seriously. Of course you can tune the Exige/elise, he was making a joke, and it was funny.

playing with the rear camber will likely only make you drift all the time.

you don't seem to know what you are talking about.

[nomix]

The only thing you could do to improve an Exige woud probably be to give it a tad more power, not too mouch.