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Thread: 'Twas the Espisode Before Christmas...

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    Not A Dude pebblepixie's Avatar
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    'Twas the Espisode Before Christmas...

    I was going to keep this until the last show aired but as it's not going out till after Christmas I've just posted it on the TG site blog

    So as promised I'm posting it on here too.


    ‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the hangar,
    Nothing was stirring, not a single old banger.
    The stockings were hung by the lap board with care,
    In the hope some new sports cars would find their way there.

    The Hamster was nestled all snug in his bed,
    While visions of Porsches danced in his head.
    James in his jumper, and Stiggie in white
    Had just settled their brains for the long winter’s night,
    When out on the track there arose such a clatter
    Hamster leapt from his bed to see what was the matter.
    Away to a window he flew in a flash.
    Small, but determined to give someone a bash.
    The moon it shone down on the dark, empty track
    And Hamster saw nothing so turned to go back,
    When what to his wondering eyes should appear
    But a bloody great Merc, moving fast in top gear.
    With a very tall driver, who else could it be?
    He knew in a moment it must be J.C.

    More rapid than eagles his wheel spins they came,
    And he whooped and he shouted and called out cars’ names.
    “Now Koenigsegg, Bugatti, Atom and Aston,
    Ferrari, Radical, Zonda and Morgan!
    To the end of the track, then to the Cool Wall,
    Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
    “What the hell are you doing?” the Hamster did cry.
    Now James was awake too and started to sigh,
    “Clarkson, you pillock, it’s nearly midnight!
    And Santa won’t come if we don’t do things right.”
    Then in a twinkling J.C. screeched to a stop.
    “I’m Santa this year so don’t get in a strop.”

    Out of the car, across the cold ground
    And into the hangar he came with a bound.
    He was all dressed in denim, from his head to his feet
    And he grinned at the boys for he’d brought them a treat.
    A bundle of car keys he had in his pocket
    And ‘specially for James, a new set of sockets.
    A new Porsche for Hamster, a Roller for May
    And Stig, he was silent, with nothing to say
    For there in the moonlight, all shiny and new
    A Bugatti Veyron – Stiggie knew what to do.
    He jumped in the seat and zoomed off at high speed.
    The others, both grinning, followed his lead.
    J.C. laughed as he watched them, and his little round belly
    Shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

    Out on the track Stig drove faster and faster
    With Richard and James both following after.
    Then at the last corner there came a surprise
    And J.C., he couldn’t believe his own eyes.
    James overtook Stig on that very last bend
    Then slid to a halt and waved at his friend.
    “Jezza, you oaf! You’ve put nitrous in here!
    I’ve beaten the Stig but I’ve broken fifth gear!”
    J.C. grinned a huge grin and got back in his car
    He set off down the track but he hadn’t gone far
    When they heard him exclaim, with a spin of his wheels
    “This Santa Claus lark, just how hard can it be?”

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    well done!
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    Labcoatguy's Avatar
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    Epic! This needs to be made into a TG commercial!

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    Captain Yaarrris captain_70s's Avatar
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    This is a stuperb thing, in all the meanings of the word (a cross between stupendous and superb!)
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    Not A Dude shancmf's Avatar
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    YOU UTTER LEGEND!
    that was brilliant

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    Absolutely epic!

    That's poetry to my liking

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    And a round of rapturous applause that's worth a deserving 31 internet points!
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    Not A Dude Wyvern's Avatar
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    Hugely, fantastically, amazingly brilliant

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    Previously known as Speedtouch Davetouch's Avatar
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    That really would make a perfect TG ad. Brilliant stuff!
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    Not A Dude Richmondgal's Avatar
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    +reps for your poetic work!
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    darkshark0159's Avatar
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    You get the lot for that! nice

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    Hedgehog Sandwich Matt2000's Avatar
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    That was fantastic! Everything fell into place perfectly.

    +rep indeed!
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    Not A Dude skylock's Avatar
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    I can just see the glint in Jeremy's eye and that sweet smile he gets when he is really happy.

    Well done indeed.
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    that was great

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    Not A Dude iam-nobody's Avatar
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    Love it.

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    Epic! Made me laugh ... and I don't 'do' poetry!
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    CrazyRussian540's Avatar
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    That was great. A very well deserved +1
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    I'm not stupid - I'm British! freeferrarisdonotexist's Avatar
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    Absolutely brilliant. loved the thing about hammond and porsches. lol. perhaps that's because I love porsches. Nevermind. Great poem, you should publish it in a leaflet/little book etc, it would make a great top gear memorobilia item.
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    Not A Dude shellygrrl's Avatar
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    +1!
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