duckedtapedemon
Active Member
I actually thought the interior on that Caddy looked really clean in those pics.
So my brother has left that ailing Festiva parked outside for a while now. I decided to take it for a drive to see just how bad this car is.
https://pic.armedcats.net/h/hb/hbriz/2011/04/12/DSC_6954.jpg
The answer should be immediately obvious. Just look at the thing. This decomposing US-market econobox was never something to set your world on fire. Even when it was new, the cheapest Ford was a car who's only selling point was that it was cheap. Despite this, the Festiva was a huge success. Ford shifted these in numbers that were never matched by the much better and even cheaper Fiesta.
This particular car was the bottom-rung Trio. In 1994, it would set you back a cool $14,695. It came with a tape deck with 4 speakers, and power steering. And that's it. Air conditioning was an elitist option not specified to this particular car, which unfortunately was specified in a green I haven't seen anywhere but my grandma's kitchen cupboards. It was probably called Tropical Holiday Breeze or something. Anyway, much of this Tropical Breeze had decided to go on its own holiday, as what remained on the roof looked like the result of a very nasty skin infection. The cracking paint on the pinstripes along the side were set off beautifully by the $9.99 shiny wheel covers.
https://pic.armedcats.net/h/hb/hbriz/2011/04/12/DSC_6959.jpg
Included in that price was an engine - a 1.3 four pot with 47kW, and a 0-100km/h time of 16 seconds when it was new. Since that day back in the whimsical old times of 1994, this bargain beater has piled on nearly 350,000km, and the log book shows no sign of servicing being completed since the 150,000 mark. It felt exactly like a 17-year old pensioner's runabout with 350,000km would feel like. The gearbox was horribly imprecise - slotting into each gear felt like putting a very thin wand into a wizard's sleeve... the steering was equally vague, as loose as the aforementioned sleeve. The cheap K-Mart tyres gave up gripping without even trying, squealing around roundabouts as the worn out suspension pitched and rolled even at shopping trolley speeds. This wasn't all bad though, it even became fun. Speeds well below the limit began to feel like I was re-enacting chase scenes through the city, tyres squealing through intersections and the engine shouting angrily at being made to do work. Put simply, it was a laugh.
Inside the lavish Trio, the cassette deck greets you as an oasis of luxury in amongst the cheap '90s Korean plastic. The steering wheel had yellowed with age and presumably the previous owner's nicotine and the markings on the gear knob had worn off. The seats were a two-piece affair with no adjustable headrest, highlighting the just how deep into the bargain basement this car sat.
https://pic.armedcats.net/h/hb/hbriz/2011/04/12/DSC_6966_copy.jpg
I was expecting to hate the Festiva. I was expecting a terribly engineered and even more terribly aged Korean shopping car. And it delivered on those aspects. But, despite all its foibles, I found the little Ford from Seoul strangely lovable. Perhaps it was the nostalgia bringing me back to my childhood spent in dreary '90s Fords. Or maybe it was the fact that, if you don't take it seriously, this shitty little $400 hatchback is a riot. Either way, it hasn't helped squash my desire for a little cheap beater of my own.
So a few weeks ago I was at one of these and I drove, among other things... a Chevy Volt. It's taken me till now to get over my shame and talk about it. I'm not even sure where to start. It was completely and totally underwhelming. Quite depressing, actually. Even the representitive who rode with me didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about it. I imagine you'd have to be on some pretty powerful drugs in order to be... or have no soul. If you want to know what it was like inside, imagine a sea of cheap-as-can-be black plastic and fabric, with an iPod like thing superglued to the middle of it. that's the dashboard. the steering wheel is next to it and has a little screen behind it that tells you things like how nice you're being to mother gaia, as well as other less important stuff like how fast you're going. Seriously, it was bad. The interior door panels seemed to be the same type of rough, cheap plastic a portable outhouse it made of. And it has the characteristic football-shaped-hybrid bar in the middle of the back window that keeps you from seeing anything behind you. my final verdict: ugh. I hope I never have to set foot in one again as long as I live.
But going to the thing was still totally worth it, because I also drove a Corvette and a Camaro. Chevy made you drive them with a representitive in the car, but they were cool and actually let you have a little fun. I could really get used to the power of the Corvette, as well as the view down that long hood. I'd still take a Mustang over the Camaro any day, but now I do like the Camaro a little bit better. If someone gave me one, I might not get rid of it. At least not right away.
But the car I was actually most impressed with? The new Taurus. The Camaro and Corvette were great and all, but they were pretty much what I expected. If I ever need a four door family hauler, this is the first car I'm looking at. The interior was nice, refined, even. Any hint of malaise or cheapness typical or recent American car interiors was nowhere to be found. It was nice enough that the starter button did not feel at all out of place. As for power, it felt downright quick compared to my Buick. It definitely has all the power you could want in a car of its type. It also had the smoothest ride of anything I've ever stepped on that moved, including large ships* and elevators. The driving course they had laid out had some things to run over to test the rides of the cars, like some boards and things, and if I hadn't seen them, I would not have even known they were there. My final verdict: Well done, Ford. I honestly don't see how any other car in this segment could possibly be any better than this. Problem, GM?
Some other notes: conspiciously absent were the Mustang, the Hyundai Genesis coupe. and Dodge. GM thought their cars still couldn't measure up, perhaps? Quite likely, I say. I was hoping to check out the new Charger. booooo.
*possibly a slight exaggeration. but still. it was crazy smooth.