Our "own" car reviews

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*to be read in a Clarksonian voice*

Yes it's an Audi Q5. It's painted in camoflauge and at the moment it's trying it's best to blend in. In reality it's probably plotting to overthrow all humans and conquer earth. At least that is what you expect, because the Audi is a very complicated car filled with computers making all sorts of decisions. It took us two full hours to understand how the trip computer worked, 1 hour and 59 minutes of these was spent trying to find it in the satnav/answering machine/stereo/windscreen wiper adjustment center. I then discovered it by chance when I wanted to clear the rear windscreen, it was a button on the stalk. An expected place in any car but this one.

We spent ages impersonating monkeys on typewriters and had relatively little time actually driving the car, but it too is like you expect. In Comfort mode the suspension is firm without being hard, put it in Auto and it adapts to your driving style and put it in Dynamic and the car changes it's stance, wheel feedback and engine characteristics greatly. The 3-liter V6 turbodiesel can pull icebergs and it's just great in every manner. So much power and yet so fuel efficient. The gearbox was the standard (?) 7-speed DSG with redundant flappy paddles and it kept our engine at a ocean going 1100-1500 RPM as often as it could, and it still had power on demand immediately. Ours have a six disc CD changer and two SD memory card slots for your music, allowing you to store a billion songs in your car. The voice operated controls spoke another language and hillarity ensued as a result.

What else? The parts of the interior that you can touch from a sitting down position are excellent, the seats are epic and the adjustments are infinite. But I must voice my concern regarding the flimsy bonnet release which I almost broke. And the satnav thought it was night time at 11:30 in the day. But thats about it. It's a great car in every manner possible. You want to pay for it? Our tester came out at about 600 000 SEK which is quite alot of money. But still, it's a great car.

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Very cool rear lights integrated into the hatch.

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The MMI is not very intuitive and is filled with about 245 535 different options. Camera flash distort the apperance somewhat.

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Tidy plastic.
 
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How did you like the steering? I drove the 2.0 TFSI and it had the active power steering, which felt surprisingly heavy at speed.
 
Yes the steering is definately heavier than on most cars, but I cant say it bothered me much but I did notice. It's not great for parking though.
I completely forgot about the awesome adaptive cruise control in my first post. Man that rocks. The whole cruise system is great with little lights illuminating your set speed and the car braking and accelerating by itself. Way cool. It did annoy me that I had to re-set the cruise all the time but I'm sure there's a Resume, I just didnt find it. Did I mention that it's a complicated car? :lol:
 
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Right, well. Lets start off with something that I am still driving, even though it isn't technically mine.

1994 Chevrolet K1500 Silverado

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*Note: Not my truck, but aside from the color, identical. Mine is a quite lovely Baby Blue... >.<

General
If anyone is in the market for a used truck, please steer well clear of the mid-90s Chevys. They are quite possibly the worst generation of Chevy truck i've ever come across. The model I have is the "Silverado" trim level, which means that it was the best you could buy at the time, and the interior is absolute shit. Miles and miles of mis-matched plastic, most of it hard and unforgiving if you bump into it. The radio is better suited to a car made in the 60s, and the seats are either bolt up-right or... folded forward. Absolutely no adjustment available. On the plus side, Chevy was looking forward and knew that Americans were getting fatter as the years went by, so there is plenty of room in the cabin for 20 Illegal Mexicans.

Engine
The base engine in this truck was a 4.3 liter V6, making 165 horsepower and 235 lb-ft of torque. Now, in a smallish car that may have been plenty of power, but in a full-size truck that weighs more than 30 tons, it clearly isn't. Match that to a transmission that likes to get to 4th (yes, 4th) as quickly as possible, and you have a recipe for many-a-day of frustrated driving about. No matter what speed you are driving along at, there is no power for passing, speeding up, etc. And God help you if you attempt to merge onto a busy highway, for you will get your ass run over, most likely by a truck that is quite a bit larger than you. I must admit, the truck makes a most epic noise. Unfortunately, it's not very pleasant to hear. In fact, it's down right vulgar. The noise the engine makes is enough to make baby Jesus cry. Also, the fuel economy is in single digits, which is absolutely horrid, if i'm completely honest.

On Road
The truck does have one redeeming feature: it's ride. The truck is so heavy that it just smooths out any and all bumps you may come across. It's no sports car in how it handles, but it's a truck; that's a given. However, if you try to push it, you will be rewarded with miles and miles of epic understeer, until suddenly the front tires suddenly find some grip at the exact same time the transmission downshifts, and you get a burst of power, causing a truck that is 18 miles long to powerslide. Not fun, I will admit.

Off Road
Even though this truck proudly displays 4x4 on the bed, it is worse than useless in anything but a slightly muddy road. Mud, Snow, Leaves, you name it, and chances are it can't do it. I blame most of this on the lack of power, but other possible reasons are that it's so damned heavy, and so long.

Summary
In short, this is the perfect truck to drive about 3 miles over a very bumpy back country road, where you will never exceed 30 mph.

Performance: -3/10
Fun Factor: 5/10 - Nice to drive in a field, I will admit.
Practicality: 8/10 - It's a truck, you can haul lots of Illegal Mexicans...
Comfort: 5/10
Value for money: 7/10 - Quite cheap for even a large V8 model.
 
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Seat Ibiza 1.4 Reference 85bhp:
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Engine - 3/6
Comfort - 3/6
Steering - 5/6
Equipment - 3/6
Practicality - 4/6

First of all, it's not a racing car. The engine doesn't deliver that much power, but it should be more than enough if you're mostly driving around town. For longer trips, a diesel would be preferable.
It drives very well, with a nice and precise steering. Also the gear shift is very good. Because of the sporty suspension, however, it's quite easy to feel all the bumps and smaller holes in the road. 'Reference' is the base model equipment-wise in Denmark, and you don't get more than just the most basic stuff, such as a CD-player and A/C.


Opel/Vauxhall Insignia 2.0 CDTI 140bhp:
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Engine - 4/6
Comfort - 3/6
Steering - 5/6
Equipment - 5/6
Practicality - 4/6

The first thing you notice, is obviously the look of it. I think it looks fantastic! Beats most of its opponents on looks.
The dynamic look of it is reflected in the way it drives. Handling is great, gear shift is OK, and the suspension is not too hard, not too soft. The reason why I've only given it four points for the comfort, is because of too much noise, especially coming from the wing mirrors, and it was actually quite disturbing. When it comes to the engine, it has loads of power, but it feels a little rough, which was a bit disappointing, taken into consideration that it's supposed to be a modern common-rail.
You get a lot of equipment for your money, and the fact that it's one of the cheapest in its class, makes it a great buy.


Toyota Avensis 1.8 VVT-i 147bhp
new-toyota-avensis.jpg


Engine - 4/6
Comfort - 5/6
Steering - 5/6
Equipment - 3/6
Practicality - 5/6

As with the Ibiza, you either love the way it looks, or you hate it. What I can say is, that it looks better in reality than on pictures, and personally I could easily live with its looks. It drives just as well as the Insignia and has an even lighter steering. The engine I tried, was only a 1.8 liter petrol. Of course it doesn't have the same amount of power at lower rev's as a diesel, but when you give it a little more throttle, it starts to make sense.
The suspension is about on par with the Insignia, that is a good combination between sport and comfort. However, the Avensis is a little step in front when it comes to the level of noise. There's almost nothing to hear in the cabin when driving, not from the wing mirrors and neither from the engine.
It is quite a bit more expensive though, and the standart equipment is pretty poor. In a Mazda6, you get alloy wheels, climate control and leather on the steeringwheel and gearknot. None of that comes with the basic trim of the Avensis, which is called T1 (level two is called T2 and so on).
 
The model I have is the "Silverado" trim level, which means that it was the best you could buy at the time, and the interior is absolute shit.
:lol:

The base engine in this truck was a 4.3 liter V6, making 165 horsepower and 235 lb-ft of torque.
That deserves some sort of award. "And the nominated in the category 'least horsepower developed by large displacement engines' are..."

'Reference' is the base model equipment-wise in Denmark, and you don't get more than just the most basic stuff, such as a CD-player and A/C.
Hey I'm impressed it comes with a stereo and AC nowadays in danish spec.
 
That deserves some sort of award. "And the nominated in the category 'least horsepower developed by large displacement engines' are..."
Oh, no. That would have to be the 5.0 liter (305 cid) V8 that was in my old 84 Chevy truck. A measly 115 hp from the factory, but it did have bucket loads of torque. So, while it would get you from 0-35 quite quickly and in a cloud of smoke, anything after that was... difficult, to say the least. The 3 speed slush-box didn't help any, either.
 
Got to do one of these later. :lol:
 
The MMI is not very intuitive and is filled with about 245 535 different options.

Just a tip: It isn't mandatory to learn all the MMI functions before you can set off in the car ;) MMI is not involved into the actual process of driving.

The Audi A6's I had as rentals, have the same MMI and it took me about 1 minute to grasp the basics, so I could enter a destination into the sat nav and start the journey.

The rest I learned while driving, I didn't even have to consult the manual.

Everyone who's used to work with a Windows PC or a complex home cinema system, will find even BMW's i-drive easy to grasp ;) I have never understood what all the fuzz is about. When Clarkson complains about things being too complicated, it usually means he is unnerved, because the shooting schedule is too tight for him to blast around the track in a car that needs some preparation, before you can abuse it :)

When you want to see something complicated, that you cannot use without a careful studying of the manual, check out what I just bought:

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Well if you push NAV you get a screen with a map and your car. If you call that intuitive, sure it is.
Calling up the text describing what's currently on the radio (song, program etc) without using the manual however, try that.

The MMI can be involved in the driving too, the Audi Drive Select for example...
 
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Why do you need to do that, before you start driving?
 
Okay so here it is.

Land Rover Series III

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Engine

The big bonnet hides a 2.25 litre petrol 4 cylinder Despite the size of the engine though, it only produces 70 (ish) bhp and 130lb-ft of torque. It's enough to hurl the beast to 60mph, just... Maybe it will do more , I just haven't attempted it yet. What it lacks in power it more than makes up for with noise, meaning conversations at cruising speeds are difficult to say the least. Great news if you have to give someone you don't like a lift. It's a simple engine using points and there's very little to go wrong. It still uses an oil bath air filter.

Gearbox

Only 5 gears were available at the time the SIII was built, but with the limited power of the engine this wasn't a problem. The length of the gears varys wildly from a very low 1st gear to a high(er) 4th to reach the top speed. Being a Land Rover it also has the 2 speed transfer box, the lower of the two gears reducing the gearing by two thirds. The transmission is part-time 4 wheel drive, with a complicated array of coloured levers to engage and disengae drive. On the road, the vehicle is in high 2WD. Pushing the yellow knob down engages high 4WD. Pulling the red lever back engages low 4WD, and pushing it back to it's orginal position engages high gearbox and disengages 4WD.

Steering

Steering is a very simple hydraulic affair with a circular object for the driver to use. About an inch of play at the wheel is apparent in all SIIIs, and this takes away some of the strain on the arms that comes with having no power steering and big tyres.

Brakes

Four drums are given the task of hauling the 2.5 tonnes to a halt, and they do the job surprisingly well in my opinion. The firmness of the pedal varies with the weather and the position of the moon...

Ride/comfort

Imagine removing the springs from your car and then putting it on stilts. Cobra seats in mine improve the comfort. Interior is basic to say the least, with standard equipment running to a heater, some dials and a single light bulb to illuminate them. Door locks are simple but effective, using a cam to physically stop the door handles from moving. Having a different key for everything takes some getting used to though...

Riding in the back is an experience in itself, sitting sideways on shiny vinyl seats with nothing but a lapbelt and what equates to a yale lock on the door keeping you in. In the back of mine you're also joined by a spare wheel, a shovel and an army box full of tow ropes.

General on road

Considering the thing is 31 years old, road manners aren't to bad. You can't rush it in any way but normal driving is fairly civilised.

Off road

This is where it shines. Modern Land Rovers have a centre differential which can be a hindrance off road. This doesn't, meaning each exle is always being powered. It may not be able to keep up with really high spec modern 4x4s, but it will have no trouble in most terrains. Water does cause problems for the engine though...

Summary

Great if you don't want to get anywhere very fast.

Performance: 2/10
Fun Factor: 9/10 - Puts a smile on my face every time
Practicality: 7/10 - Quite small but you can dump anything in it.
Comfort: 3/10 - Lolsprings
Value for money: 8/10 - You'll gain money instead of using it.
 
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I have no idea I just googled for mop to find something to wipe up noodles and mine collective brain matter. She came up.
 
:lol:

That deserves some sort of award. "And the nominated in the category 'least horsepower developed by large displacement engines' are..."

I think the worst ever was in the early 80's, when Chevy put a 7.4L (454cid) 230hp engine into their trucks.

The mid 70's vettes were also bad at 180hp out of 5.7 liters. The 70's and 80's were a dark time for horsepower. That is, at least, from '73 on because that's when the government regulations hit the American car manufacturers. 70-72 was still at the tail end of the muscle car era. Granted, they could only go in a straight line, but man what a noise!
 
Oh, no. That would have to be the 5.0 liter (305 cid) V8 that was in my old 84 Chevy truck. A measly 115 hp from the factory, but it did have bucket loads of torque. So, while it would get you from 0-35 quite quickly and in a cloud of smoke, anything after that was... difficult, to say the least. The 3 speed slush-box didn't help any, either.
Wow, that's only 3hp/L more than this:
https://pic.armedcats.net/h/he/heyl/2009/02/06/800px-Dixi_3-15_DA_(1929).jpg
...from 1929:blink:
 
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