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Final Gear Racing 2011 - 24 Hours Of LeMons

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    There's a reason I'm two-fisting it in that picture up there - I'm not an alcoholic, I promise.

    See, I decided to give PB a manly beer - I had a variety of good and not-so-good shit leftover from a party, including some awesometastic homebrews. So I handed him one of those. He decided it was absolutely horrible, and I wasn't about to let it go to waste, despite the fact that I already had a badass manbeer in hand. Now, as it turns out, about halfway through the bottle I noticed that the beer he'd had did in fact taste kind of off. Through the power of drunken recall*, I could now remember a conversation with the guy who brewed it: "Yeah, half that batch went wrong, and the other half was good. If it tastes funny, just dump it and grab another"

    I finished it anyway.


    Quiky, on the other hand, said "I'll drink anything" - so I gave him the worst thing I had cold. A Dos Equis, I think.

    *Drunken recall is a phenomenon whereby any conversation you have while drunk can only be remembered while drunk.
    Last edited by EyeMWing; May 29th, 2011, 7:10 AM.
    Oh hai guys. This is a signature.

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      Yes, I will be getting to the alcoholism, moonshine, and the worst beer ever in part 2. While the bottle of fermented swamp water I was given that night was horrible, it couldn't hold a candle to what we tried drinking the next night.
      The Mighty Buick Of Destruction.

      Comment


        PB, do you write for a living?
        ďA turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster."
        -Jeremy Clarkson

        Comment


          Great write up! I wish I could have gotten the time off to go help you guys then....
          Booooooooored

          Comment


            Originally posted by mephistoscafe View Post
            PB, do you write for a living?
            No, in fact I have no training in the subject at all outside of what I was taught in grade school.
            The Mighty Buick Of Destruction.

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              You could have fooled me.
              ďA turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster."
              -Jeremy Clarkson

              Comment


                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                No, in fact I have no training in the subject at all outside of what I was taught in grade school.
                Translation:

                You didn't spend several years and thousands of dollars to have someone teach you how to over think and over do it. :p

                Non-professionals seem to write better in my opinion.
                Booooooooored

                Comment


                  Originally posted by ninjacoco View Post
                  Dude, you should turn these updates into a book. They're that interesting to read.
                  Originally posted by mephistoscafe View Post
                  You could have fooled me.
                  Originally posted by That American Girl View Post
                  Translation:

                  You didn't spend several years and thousands of dollars to have someone teach you how to over think and over do it. :p

                  Non-professionals seem to write better in my opinion.
                  You guys and girls flatter me, you really do. As for a book, I think that's a bit of a stretch.
                  The Mighty Buick Of Destruction.

                  Comment


                    Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                    You guys and girls flatter me, you really do. As for a book, I think that's a bit of a stretch.
                    Well, a collection of individual reports counts as a book. We should see about publishing now...

                    Comment


                      Most of your best writers are self-taught through years of reading other work (and "other work" can be anything, really).

                      Looking forward to the next bit.

                      ---
                      My Facebook | My Fuelly

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                        Originally posted by ZeDestructor View Post
                        Well, a collection of individual reports counts as a book. We should see about publishing now...
                        FinalGear Racing: How Hard Could it Be?
                        Oh hai guys. This is a signature.

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                          A few miles into the drive, the emergency flashers on the trailer came on and it pulled over to the shoulder. Justin and I had done a fair bit of driving in the truck (both with and without the trailer) in the last several days and not once did it give us any trouble, but lo and behold the fuel pump had decided now would be a good time to start acting up again. Because the truck would go into limp mode if you so much as breathed too hard, the rest of the drive to the track would be a very slow and very long one.

                          From then on our average speed was around 45mph, but at times Justin could get it up to 55 or even 60 if he was lucky. Because of this we didn't arrive at the track till about 4:45, but we were around 10th in line, which meant we'd have no problem claiming an ideal spot.

                          Tina and her son Zack got to the Super 8 (the same place we stayed at last year) around 9:00 that morning, and they had beaten us to the track as well. As we were on our way up to the check-in window, they came down to greet us.

                          We were told they would open the gates and let people in starting at 5:00, but for unknown reasons they kept everyone waiting till 5:30, at which point they told us to go back to our cars and wait some more. Slowly the conga line shuffled its way through the gate, but only after signing a form and getting your purple bracelet proving you're allowed to be there.





                          We picked out a nice corner lot with an electrical hookup, and after playing musical chairs with the trailer and our cars, we had the entire area sectioned off just for us. Was it a greedy thing to do? Possibly. Did we really care about it? No. With our territory marked, we started unloading the trailer and setting up the canopy.



                          We've had this canopy for a couple years now, but every time it needs to be setup, we look like a monkey fucking a football. I don't know what it is, we follow the instructions and have even marked each piece so they can be found and put together easier, but it still takes us way longer than it should. Once it was up, we placed the GTP under it and unloaded the rest of the gear.

                          Another upgrade that was made to the FGMCC was the grill. Last summer we picked up one very similar to this.



                          It was very small, put out very little heat, and at best you could cook two hamburgers on it at the same time. Strapping a couple Bic lighters together would have been more effective. So it was replaced with this beauty.



                          This one is more or less an actual stove that happens to be portable. It puts out lots of heat and came with various cast iron cooking surfaces that can be swapped around as needed.

                          While I was cooking dinner, some familiar faces pulled in next to us and started setting up their own camp. It was Iron LeMon Racing, the same team who won overall at CMP last year, and who we helped out by welding their exhaust system back together after it fell off.

                          After dinner, Tina and her son went back to the Super 8 while Justin and John drove an hour out to Lancaster to hit the only Walmart in the area. This left Tony and myself to our own devices. Since we had nothing to do but drink and bullshit, we did just that. Then I accidentally crushed his foot when one of the legs of Ultra Cot came crashing down while I was setting it up inside the trailer. Why was I setting up my cot in the trailer? Because we were going to be camping there the whole weekend.

                          Once the nose was on and we rescued the jack from under the car, we were ready to take the GTP over BTB Motorsports and get some pictures. By this time my knees were hurting enough to where I would take any shortcut I could get, so I decided to drive the Buick down to their camp and have the GTP follow. Both sides took a lot of pictures and we talked for a bit, but before we left we saw that Fubar had returned, so we stuck around to talk to them.







                          They told us about what they did to their car and we did the same. Their new engine came out of a 95 Buick Rivera after they spun three rod bearings at their last race, and Mike (their capt) told me they did the brake upgrade based on a prior recommendation of mine. He also said he mistakenly installed the calipers upside down on the first try and I told him we did the exact same thing last year.



                          After showing off their new engine, they fired it up and gave it some revs, so we offered to do the same with our GTP. I think it's rather obvious who won that contest. We wished them luck and then headed back to our own area where we had to get the car loaded up for the impending parade. After the GTP was in and secured, Iron LeMon Racing brought their spare tow rig over.

                          It was an old Toyota Tundra which wasn't exactly rated for the task at hand. But that wasn't the only problem, some part of its electrical system was fried which meant the FGMCC was getting no power. With no power there are no running lights and no brakes. So with that being a bust, we thanked them again for trying to help and let out a sigh. Since we had already asked Phil about getting a BS inspection at the track and were denied, our only option now was to use the Tow Monster and hope for the best...
                          The Mighty Buick Of Destruction.

                          Comment


                            Great writeup so far PB.
                            ďA turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster."
                            -Jeremy Clarkson

                            Comment


                              Originally posted by mephistoscafe View Post
                              Great writeup so far PB.
                              I agree.
                              I just love reading your reports., even knowing this one will end badly.
                              But between you and me: it appears that there is too much emphasis on the joking, parade, silly rules etc instead of actual racing. Is it true or is it just me?
                              ?
                              "I'm sure Burger King is doing great in Germany, but they're not exactly stopping making schnitzels."

                              Comment


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post

                                We completely loaded up the FGMCC with the normal compliment of tools and food, but there were a few new upgrades that had been made to it since last year. Over the winter, more of the roof was insulated to help keep out the heat, the floor was sealed and had tile put over it so it was safer to sit on, new carpeting replaced the nasty old carpet scraps, a mini fridge was installed so we didn't have to depend solely on coolers, and an 8,000btu air conditioner was added.

                                The AC was awesome! Even though we never really kept the door shut, it was a relief to step inside before the heat killed you. And made changing into the hottest race suit ever more bearable.

                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                Because of this we didn't arrive at the track till about 4:45, but we were around 10th in line, which meant we'd have no problem claiming an ideal spot.

                                Tina and her son Zack got to the Super 8 (the same place we stayed at last year) around 9:00 that morning, and they had beaten us to the track as well. As we were on our way up to the check-in window, they came down to greet us.
                                I was afraid I would miss you guys, but the I saw Q's dad waving at me, so I relaxed a bit.

                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                We were told they would open the gates and let people in starting at 5:00, but for unknown reasons they kept everyone waiting till 5:30, at which point they told us to go back to our cars and wait some more. Slowly the conga line shuffled its way through the gate, but only after signing a form and getting your purple bracelet proving you're allowed to be there.
                                Yeah, I wondering if they had any idea what they were doing. Then they called a list of 6 (I think) teams that were allowed to go through first for some reason...everyone had to scramble yet again. We stood there for so long, Zack asked me "Did we come here on the wrong day? Man, all these guys are gonna be mad if we have to come back and do this again tomorrow."


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                We picked out a nice corner lot with an electrical hookup, and after playing musical chairs with the trailer and our cars, we had the entire area sectioned off just for us. Was it a greedy thing to do? Possibly. Did we really care about it? No. With our territory marked, we started unloading the trailer and setting up the canopy.
                                Musical cars is an understatement. But we nailed the sweet spot.


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                We've had this canopy for a couple years now, but every time it needs to be setup, we look like a monkey fucking a football. I don't know what it is, we follow the instructions and have even marked each piece so they can be found and put together easier, but it still takes us way longer than it should. Once it was up, we placed the GTP under it and unloaded the rest of the gear.
                                Yeah, putting it (sort of) together, and then reading the instructions wasn't the best idea...but it all worked out. And didn't help that I'm too short to really reach the top.

                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                Another upgrade that was made to the FGMCC was the grill.
                                And I never did get those steaks I promised.....





                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                After dinner, Tina and her son went back to the Super 8 while Justin and John drove an hour out to Lancaster to hit the only Walmart in the area. This left Tony and myself to our own devices.
                                Nuff said.


                                Yeah, I missed out on all the 'fun'. Thankfully...


                                You need to keep a big stick nearby. I usually do.

                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                When they finally got off the car, I could see even in the dark that the paint was damaged and would need to be fixed before we put any vinyls on. They walked around the GTP a bit, but Tony and I both prevented them from getting very close to anything.
                                Yeah, I remember the zip ties on everything. Shame you have to do that... Honestly.



                                To me, that deserves a beat down.

                                I admit that as a woman, I can get away with sooooo much crap that guys can't. I mean...I'm just a little defenseless girlie all by my lonesome. I'm allowed to do bad things to guys. Terrible, I know...I know..



                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                When I got back, Justin and Tina were working on applying the vinyls to the hood of the GTP while Tony was doing his best to fix the bumper damage from the night before.

                                The vinyls looked awesome, but were such a pain in the ass to put on!

                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                As we were finishing, another team was walking by and couldn't help but stop when they noticed our theme. They were BTB Motorsports and they had a second gen Nissan Sentra that they did up with the same theme as us, only with bacon instead of sausage. We were only able to talk for a few minutes before our number was called for tech, but it was decided that we had to get both cars together for some pictures.
                                I thought that was awesome.

                                Inspected wasn't the word I would have used. I think the guy doing the inspection was new or something, because he didn't look at any of the important things like the cage, seat belts or anything on the 'list' that I could see.


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                After looking the car over a bit, he told the tech to give us a smiley face and then signed off on our inspection sheet. Before we left I asked the tech exactly what the smiley face meant and if he personally felt like we had a cheater car. He said the face is something they have to do to let the judges know later on to take a close look at the car, but he did not believe that we were cheating.
                                If he didn't believe we were cheating then why put the damn thing on the car??


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                Justin and I had a discussion about just painting over it before BS inspection, but we opted not to.
                                True, but we did put PB's chair in front of it while whats his face did the BS inspection. Not sure that helped though.



                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                When I found BTB's camp, I saw that Team Fubar were right next to them with their GTP. None of the team members were around to talk to, and I didn't want to appear to be snooping, but I saw they had upgraded to same F Body brakes we have.
                                They were really nice. Answered a lot of my questions, and then later...um..'lent' us a thermostat.


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                Next I came across The Tunachuckers with their Ford LTD and NSF with their 6.9 Mercedes.



                                I cannot believe they actually raced those! And the LTD actually finished the race! In one piece from what I hear.


                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                Once the nose was on and we rescued the jack from under the car, we were ready to take the GTP over BTB Motorsports and get some pictures. By this time my knees were hurting enough to where I would take any shortcut I could get, so I decided to drive the Buick down to their camp and have the GTP follow. Both sides took a lot of pictures and we talked for a bit, but before we left we saw that Fubar had returned, so we stuck around to talk to them.
                                The jack issue was hilarious, I admit. And I totally understand about your knees hurting. At the end of the first day, my bad knee and foot were killing me. And I hadn't done anything. Thats why I headed back to the hotel so early.





                                Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                After the GTP was in and secured, Iron LeMon Racing brought their spare tow rig over.

                                It was an old Toyota Tundra which wasn't exactly rated for the task at hand. But that wasn't the only problem, some part of its electrical system was fried which meant the FGMCC was getting no power. With no power there are no running lights and no brakes. So with that being a bust, we thanked them again for trying to help and let out a sigh. Since we had already asked Phil about getting a BS inspection at the track and were denied, our only option now was to use the Tow Monster and hope for the best...
                                They were great to offer the ride, even if it didn't work out.




                                And....waiting for the next part of "The Long Road to LeMons"
                                Last edited by That American Girl; June 2nd, 2011, 4:05 AM. Reason: crap spelling
                                Booooooooored

                                Comment


                                  Originally posted by Redliner View Post
                                  I agree.
                                  I just love reading your reports., even knowing this one will end badly.
                                  But between you and me: it appears that there is too much emphasis on the joking, parade, silly rules etc instead of actual racing. Is it true or is it just me?
                                  Well yes and no. LeMons has never taken itself too seriously (like you'd find in a SPEC series), but over the last few years it's lost sight of what really made it fun to begin with. The best analogy I can come up with is a band that gathered a huge following with their first album, and now they're on their 4th and the music just doesn't have the same passion to it. I could say a lot more about the subject, but I'd rather not at this moment. Right now, I don't know if we'll ever go to LeMons again (like the Chicago race later this year) or try out Chump Car and never look back, we'll see what happens over the next few months. If we do go to Chump, I think I'll name that journal something like "Chasing The Chump Change".

                                  Also, I know I said I would get to the moonshine in part 2, and I still intend to cover it. I expected this whole journal to end up around 10 pages or so, but as I was writing part 2 it alone came in at 9, so I decided to cut it up into parts 2 and 3. I have a rough draft of 3 already written, but right now it reads more like a never ending series of "DC Doug said ______, to which I replied ______". So it needs some serious rewriting to make it understandable and hopefully entertaining. Once it's been posted, I'll be taking a break before I really dig into the paint and theme special, my creativity reserves are just about drained right now.
                                  Last edited by Punisher Bass; June 2nd, 2011, 5:05 AM.
                                  The Mighty Buick Of Destruction.

                                  Comment


                                    Originally posted by Redliner View Post
                                    But between you and me: it appears that there is too much emphasis on the joking, parade, silly rules etc instead of actual racing. Is it true or is it just me?
                                    Once cars are on track, it's Serious Business (unless you screw up and get penalized). It's just getting to that point that's crazy.
                                    Oh hai guys. This is a signature.

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                                      Write faster
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                                      As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible - but pissing everyone off, is a piece of cake.

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                                        The whip is for the NSFW section.
                                        "I don't care who does the electing, so long as I get to do the nominating" -Boss Tweed

                                        "No man's life, liberty or happiness are safe while Congress is in session,"- Mark Twain

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                                          Originally posted by Punisher Bass View Post
                                          Well yes and no. LeMons has never taken itself too seriously (like you'd find in a SPEC series), but over the last few years it's lost sight of what really made it fun to begin with. The best analogy I can come up with is a band that gathered a huge following with their first album, and now they're on their 4th and the music just doesn't have the same passion to it. I could say a lot more about the subject, but I'd rather not at this moment. Right now, I don't know if we'll ever go to LeMons again (like the Chicago race later this year) or try out Chump Car and never look back, we'll see what happens over the next few months. If we do go to Chump, I think I'll name that journal something like "Chasing The Chump Change".

                                          Also, I know I said I would get to the moonshine in part 2, and I still intend to cover it. I expected this whole journal to end up around 10 pages or so, but as I was writing part 2 it alone came in at 9, so I decided to cut it up into parts 2 and 3. I have a rough draft of 3 already written, but right now it reads more like a never ending series of "DC Doug said ______, to which I replied ______". So it needs some serious rewriting to make it understandable and hopefully entertaining. Once it's been posted, I'll be taking a break before I really dig into the paint and theme special, my creativity reserves are just about drained right now.

                                          Great analogy there.
                                          Take your time with writing. We all want to read it but we know it takes time and effort.

                                          Originally posted by EyeMWing View Post
                                          Once cars are on track, it's Serious Business (unless you screw up and get penalized). It's just getting to that point that's crazy.
                                          ?
                                          "I'm sure Burger King is doing great in Germany, but they're not exactly stopping making schnitzels."

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