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    Troy Tulowitzki

    Tonight, I stumbled upon a seemingly random cartoon depicting the glorious Troy Tulowitzki.

    Behold:



    I soon discovered it was much more than meets the eye, a robot in disguise, if you will. Thanks to this helpful comment, I discovered that the Koreans also appreciate Tulo. The reasons for this are plentiful and quite obvious, but I will list a few of them anyway.


    -Tulo hits for both power and average; he's a SS batting cleanup... do you know how rare that is? Of course you do:



    -Tulo plays Gold Glove defense, but has yet to win a GG... an absolute tragedy:



    -Tulo has sneaky-speed, much like a bear or an alligator:



    -Tulo stands tall and proud in the box and laughs in the face of mere mortals:



    -Tulo has an arm comparable to an ancient trebuchet, perhaps even a bronze cannon:



    -Tulo is capable of growing the manliest of all man-mullets known to man:



    -Tulo has been wearing eye black in Denver long before Tim Tebow felt the need to share his dedication to the lord through the use of creative face painting:



    These wonderful traits are widely appreciated and universally accepted as gifts from the heavens. The real question is why the Korean cartoonist has consciously decided to draw Tulo's likeness holding a cardboard box with a pig on the side. Once I got over the shock and horror of the brazen blasphemy that is depicting Tulo in any way, shape, or form off of a baseball field, I delved deeper.

    I wandered the desert for what seemed like decades until I discovered a pig on a tall mountain. I was severely food-deprived and naturally followed the creature into the mountains. The pig led me into a cave and introduced me to a book titled The Culture of Fengshui in Korea: An Exploration of East Asian Geomancy. After slaughtering the swine and feasting on its flesh, I began reading and soon found what I'd been searching for.

    On page 262, I discovered the story of King Yuri. You see, during Yuri's 21st year as king, the pig which was to be used in the sacrificial rites ran away. Yuri, being the wise man he was, ordered one of his officers to chase after the pig. The officer eventually caught the pig and reported back to the king. T'was great news. The pig was captured in a region well-protected by mountains, rich in wildlife, and fertile for crops. King Yuri soon relocated the capital to this place and lived happily every after.





    ...so the demotivator has it all wrong. Troy Tulowitzki is not the Bringer of Pork. He is the bringer of all that the pig represents in Korean culture: wealth, prosperity, and good luck.

    Troy Tulowitzki is the Bringer of Hitting for the Cycle and the Unassisted Triple Play.
    '10,'11,'12 FG Fantasy Baseball League Champion

    #2
    O_o

    Comment


      #3
      BlaRo: i'm a strong independent black woman....WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN

      Comment


        #4
        I have experienced the majesty of the mullet in person... it's breathtaking.

        "I'm not always on the internet, but when I am, I prefer finalgear.com forums."

        Comment


          #5
          erm, what?

          Comment


            #6
            So you'll make a random thread about Troy Tulowitzki, but there's still no mention of Lou Piniella retiring in the Sports thread?

            Weird.

            Last edited by Dogbert; August 24th, 2010, 12:45 PM.
            No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.
            - Lily Tomlin

            My cheevos!

            Comment


              #7
              Is there a particular reason why this isn't in the sports section? Except for the mullet, of course.

              Comment


                #8

                Comment


                  #9

                  Comment


                    #10



                    Everyone posrep teletubby for this awesome thread!
                    Max (1986 E32 735i):
                    Moritz (1998 E36 328i Convertible):


                    Owner of "Best Car" and "Best Bavarian Car" Award winner at Ringmeet 2015

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Que?
                      "It's not right, this." : Anonymous studio tech on the killing of TopGear.

                      Comment


                        #12

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I see alcohol really gets my creative juices flowing...

                          Originally posted by Clockwerk View Post
                          I have experienced the majesty of the mullet in person... it's breathtaking.
                          You mentioned watching that team before; lucky man.

                          Originally posted by Dogbert View Post
                          So you'll make a random thread about Troy Tulowitzki, but there's still no mention of Lou Piniella retiring in the Sports thread?

                          Weird.
                          It's been dead for ages and I'm tired of bumping the damn thing. You can post in it as well, you know. Even comment or continue a discussion!

                          Originally posted by Polly View Post
                          Is there a particular reason why this isn't in the sports section? Except for the mullet, of course.
                          Tulo transcends the Sports forum. At least you recognize the power of the mullet.

                          Originally posted by D-Fence View Post
                          Everyone posrep teletubby for this awesome thread!
                          Nice try, but you know most everyone on here is too e-serious and dull to follow along. You shall not be victorious!
                          '10,'11,'12 FG Fantasy Baseball League Champion

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by teletubby-warrior View Post

                            Nice try, but you know most everyone on here is too e-serious and dull to follow along. You shall not be victorious!
                            Trying to insult them to make them negrep you......nice try yourself
                            Max (1986 E32 735i):
                            Moritz (1998 E36 328i Convertible):


                            Owner of "Best Car" and "Best Bavarian Car" Award winner at Ringmeet 2015

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by D-Fence View Post
                              Trying to insult them to make them negrep you......nice try yourself
                              Anyone who actually negreps me probably doesn't possess the brain function required to understand an insult anyway, so it's fine.

                              Edit:



                              Well, I'll be!
                              Last edited by teletubby-warrior; August 25th, 2010, 4:24 AM.
                              '10,'11,'12 FG Fantasy Baseball League Champion

                              Comment


                                #16
                                Originally posted by teletubby-warrior View Post
                                Also is a supporter for legalizing marijuana?

                                Comment


                                  #17
                                  Originally posted by A7XFan22 View Post
                                  Also is a supporter for legalizing marijuana?
                                  ....bird enthusiast...

                                  "I'm not always on the internet, but when I am, I prefer finalgear.com forums."

                                  Comment


                                    #18

                                    In Mix We Trust!

                                    Comment


                                      #19
                                      Hells to the WAT
                                      Avatar credit: mizhallelujah on tumblr - original image: http://mizhallelujah.tumblr.com/post...agine-that-the

                                      Comment


                                        #20
                                        Tulo's line in the last 8 games: .419 AVG, 14 R, 8 HR, 15 RBI, 1 SB

                                        Originally posted by Whappeh View Post
                                        You read that right, Bert. 8 bombs in 8 games from a gold glove caliber SS. Where is your god now? I'll tell you where: in the #2 Rockies uniform, that's where.
                                        '10,'11,'12 FG Fantasy Baseball League Champion

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