Man "Loves" his Volkswagen

Jeepin

Active Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2008
Messages
130
Location
Keene,NH
Car(s)
89 Jeep Wrangler V8
This may be in the wrong place. feel free to move if necessary.
http://www.closeronline.co.uk/RealL...x-with-car.aspx?dateonline=Monday+19+May+2008

From link:
I have sex with my car!
Monday 19 May 2008
Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.

The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle ? and has been having sex with it for four years.

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

?I don?t fancy people,? says Jordan. ?It?s cars that do it for me ? I don?t want to marry or have kids.?

Jordan?s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn?t know about her son?s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does ? and amazingly hasn?t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

Jordan says: ?When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.

?I?m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I?ve found a nice girl.?

Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

He says: ?I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad?s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn?t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.?

After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his ?750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle.

Jordan says: ?I just knew she was a ?girl? car and I named her Ingo. She hadn?t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.?

It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

?I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,? he says. ?I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn?t feel strange, just really exciting.

?After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.?
Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

?I don?t always have sex with the car,? he explains. ?Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I?ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.?

Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over ?2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan?s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her.

Now he has spent a further ?200 on a ?boy? car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a ?gay? relationship.

Jordan says: ?He?s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

?I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,? he explains. ?I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.?

Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner ? though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

Jordan says: ?I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I?ll be happy.?

By Lisa Woollard​
I kept it together till he said he was having a gay relationship with a boy car :lol::lol: however I can not think of a single place in my vehicles I would stick my junk.:?
 
I kinda dislike this whole thing, it makes car-people as a whole look more psychotic. I don't know, sometimes when i look at a like the countach or hear a uncorked engine i get shivers, but its the same sort of shivers i get from listening to a great song, eitherway my penis is still flacid and sex is the furthest thing from my mind, to be honest that sort of emotional connection is the one thing that very well could be better then sex.
 
I kinda dislike this whole thing, it makes car-people as a whole look more psychotic. I don't know, sometimes when i look at a like the countach or hear a uncorked engine i get shivers, but its the same sort of shivers i get from listening to a great song, eitherway my penis is still flacid and sex is the furthest thing from my mind, to be honest that sort of emotional connection is the one thing that very well could be better then sex.
I'm the same way. When I see a car I really like I get shivers and goosebumps. It's more like the kind of excitement a 10 year old gets when he gets a new toy or has an F-16 scream by his head just a few hundred feet above him. But it's a completely different feeling than what I get from looking at an attractive woman. That's more a feeling of attraction rather than excitement. To each their own I guess.
 
This is disturbing to say the least... Besides, how do you determine whether a car is male or female? All I know is that someone needs to keep this guy away from any auto show...
 
All I know is that someone needs to keep this guy away from any auto show...

I'm pretty sure that the age of consent doesn't apply to cars.
 
Besides, how do you determine whether a car is male or female?
My Disco is definitely a female. I swear that for one week every month it does the weirdest things and overall it just doesn't feel the same. The best example of the weirdness was when I opened the driver's door and the rear wiper started going. :confused:

My motorcycle on the other hand, despite being named Maxine, seems more like a guy. There are times when it acts up but it gets over it pretty quickly so I'm not left with a bike that's giving me crap for days on end over nothing at all.
 
This is disturbing to say the least... Besides, how do you determine whether a car is male or female?

Well it is a Beetle they are talking about here... :lol:
 
Actually thinking about it the Beetle is actually a elderly man

[YOUTUBE]http://youtube.com/watch?v=RtHaWApyC5I&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]
 
^ Ah good point. If it were a New Beetle it might be more clear or easier to tell but now that you mention it I don't know of a female Old Beetle, I mean Herbie wasn't a girl car. :lol:
 
Ummm, am I the only one who noticed that the guy is 20 years old, and is attracted to a car that's twice as old as himself and was built by Germans? :lmao:

I really wouldn't want to have a walk on the street he lives at 4am, I'll may need some brain bleach.
 
[facepalm]
 
Top