The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

Clarkson:
Yes, we have invented a new game. It's called Celebrity Escape From Richard Hammond's Bathroom, and the rules are very simple. You go into his bathroom, tuck the end of the loo roll into the back of your trousers and see how far you can get through the hotel before it snaps.

We have also tried this on an aeroplane - and I'd like to apologise to the passengers we woke up - but it works best in a hotel because then, while waiting for your turn, you can go through all the rooms in Hammond's suite, buying pornography on every one of his numerous televisions. This makes him very embarrassed when the time comes to check out, especially if you've kicked the lavatory roll dispenser off the wall because that way you can travel further - often into the lift and down several floors - before the paper breaks.
(from "Clarkson on: living the dream") :)
 
Hammy-Great news! Volvo (I think) has bought a new photocopier!
Jezza-What?
Ham-Yeah look, they got the *car A*, and photocopied it at 75%, and now we have the *Car B*!
Jezza-Do your parents have a photocopier?
Ham-Wha-*realizes*
*Audience laughs*
Ham-Yes, and they set it at 60%...
Jezza-60%??!!!:lol:
 
From How Not To Reverse A Caravan, one of the outtakes from the Drink to Britain dvd. Oz is trying to reverse the car and caravan, James is giving instructions. It's not going well and Oz has been trying for quite some time now.

James: "Just go back a bit and see what happens."
Oz: "Back where?"
James: "Backwards"

:D
 
Series 2, Episode 10:

Jamesonluxury.png


Pretty much sums up my attitude after turning 40.

That was a funny one, although I would have to dispute it!

One of my alltime favs

JC: I've gone into second.
RH: Second's nice, it's underrated as a gear.


:lol:
 
From Top Ground Gear Force

Jezza - "Hamamelis intermedia Pailida. Presumably that's Latin for dead twig in some mud."
..
Jezza - "I've been sent to get plants, but I just don't know other than Gorgonzo... no, what's it called, Gohneria. Have you got any syphilis?
..
Jezza - "Greenhouses. I know what they're for. You can use them for growing apples, and meat, eggs. Stuff like that."
..
Jezza - "Look at this. Its a Chlamydia Lawsoniana, or as Richard Hammond calls it, a mighty Scotch Pine.
 
My all time favorite is when they are driving along in the amphibious things and JC sums up about how much they cared and at one point says something like "Richard was beyond caring" and the camera shows him in a cloud of smoke looking like he was as high those "gents" from "How high"
 
Clarkson:
Yes, we have invented a new game. It's called Celebrity Escape From Richard Hammond's Bathroom, and the rules are very simple. You go into his bathroom, tuck the end of the loo roll into the back of your trousers and see how far you can get through the hotel before it snaps.

We have also tried this on an aeroplane - and I'd like to apologise to the passengers we woke up - but it works best in a hotel because then, while waiting for your turn, you can go through all the rooms in Hammond's suite, buying pornography on every one of his numerous televisions. This makes him very embarrassed when the time comes to check out, especially if you've kicked the lavatory roll dispenser off the wall because that way you can travel further - often into the lift and down several floors - before the paper breaks.
(from "Clarkson on: living the dream") :)

Is it from Jonas brothers: Living on the Edge? I googled but couldn't find in which show/episode Jeremy appeared which had "living on edge" in the title.

Would love to see the clip.

Off-Topic: From the looks of their interaction on the show, it appears that Jeremy and Hammon are close friends?
 
Is it from Jonas brothers: Living on the Edge? I googled but couldn't find in which show/episode Jeremy appeared which had "living on edge" in the title.

Would love to see the clip.

Off-Topic: From the looks of their interaction on the show, it appears that Jeremy and Hammon are close friends?


:blink::|

Are you on the right forum?

Jeremy Clarkson and the Jonas Brothers?

excuse me while I :lol::lol::lol: and :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


But yes from what it looks like Jezza and Hamster are good friends. In fact I believe all 3 blokes are.


EDIT: This is what Muzika was talking about.

Jonas Brothers... :lol: :lol:
 
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Jezza-"It's like the Dutch dope smoking team is training in the back of RIchard's van!"

Something like that...

After the London Race..
Jeremy: Well that tape is misleading, and watching it you get the impression that the car came in last, but that's not true.
Richard: Yes, because I remember that when I got to the airport, James had already been there for ages.
James: Yes, I remember passing Hammond with his head stuck in some rails on the side of the road.
Richard: That happened!
Jeremy: And I distinctly remember that my boat had blown up and I died... in fact, London doesn't even have a river, so I couldn't have done it by boat
 
JC: ...I've actually worked this out. If you drive it (the Mitsubishi Evo) flat out, you'll empty the tank in 48 miles.
RH: ...ah.
JC: So, what I'd do... is buy this one! The less powerful version.
RH: Sorry? Less powerful?
JC: Less powerful.
RH: Is there a doctor in here, anywhere?
JC: No, no! Really! Bear with me, okay? This (the less powerful Evo) has 300 horsepower, rather than 360, so you go further on a tank, okay? It's got a 6-speed gearbox, not five. It looks exactly the same, has the same top speed, handles exactly the same and this is ?6000 less than that!
RH: Yeah, but... the Subaru is ?7000 less... than that (the 300HP Evo)!
JC: Yes, but there's lots of things cheaper that're cheaper than that. I mean.. would you like to have... keyhole surgery on your scrotum? That's very cheap! Do you want that?
RH: No!
JC: There you are, see? I've won the arguement! Now, we must find out... which is fastest around our track.
RH: If it's the Subaru, you're gonna look like such a knob now...!
 
Clarkson:

"I also liked the idea of a Vespa because most bikes are Japanese. This means they are extremely reliable so you cannot avoid a fatal crash by simply breaking down. This is entirely possible on a Vespa because it is made in Italy. "
 
a little off topic, but was watching an older show, where Jeremy spoke about giving up smoking and now i got a question - did he really stop smoking or he smokes still, what about Hammond and May. im talking cigarettes, not cigars or joints, which are nice hobbies.
 
^ Jeremy briefly gave up (noted in 8x01), but at some point he started up again. Hammond stopped late last year (he's stop-started several times). AFAIK, James still smokes.

I'll be back if I think of a quote... ;)
 
Was watching a top gear earlier today on the BBC iPlayer and made me smile.
After the news they were on about the eagle eyed viewer who noticed that Clarkson had broken a viewer, as he leaves he quickly checks his zipper.
JC: Better check my zipper, i know how eagle eyed our viewers are.
RH: They're not that eagle eyed.

great one liner from hammond.
 
JC to RH
I had a blowout right? Actually, that's a point. I had a blowout, I held it. I didn't go on Fern and Phil's sofa talking about my near death experience... I took it like a man frankly.

JM
They've over done it as usual... like they did on their French holiday in 1939.
 
JC to RH
I had a blowout right? Actually, that's a point. I had a blowout, I held it. I didn't go on Fern and Phil's sofa talking about my near death experience... I took it like a man frankly

Hammy's reaction to that made it all the better....a real "ooooooh!!!" moment there.

After the Germany vs England film
Hammy-"Some say...that you [James] saved out bacon"
James-"Others say that I was bound and gagged in the changing room :mad:"
:lol:
 
one of my fave clarkson lines and one that still makes me smile is when hes talking about the GTR during the Japan race and talking about the GTR lacking something, to which he says.

"Every now and then i just wish it would stick its hand down the front of my trousers and have a little rummage."
 
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