How do you guys cope with death?
There are 6 fundamentals of grief recovery, which are very important to the grieving process. Most people try to avoid them not knowing that they are delaying their healing and advancement to the future.
Tears
Tears are part of the healing process so do allow yourself to cry as much as you want. Let the tears flow and cleanse yourself of all the emotional burden that come with grief. If you are unable to cry in public, find a safe place like your home or a support outreach center or in your car. Call someone on the phone that will listen to your pain and validate your tears. It's so amazing the amount of tears that we utilize during grief. We can cry for simple things, so be sure to drink more water because tears tend to dehydrate you.
Talk
I cannot say this enough. Talk as much as you can about your memories of your loved one; especially the good ones. Seek out the people who will listen to you and understand your grief. A grief support group is a good place to start. Talking helps you to realize the impact and the reality of their death and to accept the fact of the finality of their death. Most people are very uneasy to mention your loved one, but be sure to make it known that you want to talk about your loved one because this is what will help you the most.
Touch
You will miss the hugs, touches, kisses, and affection of your loved one. You will build a wall around you to keep out other people who want to show you affection. You may find hugging to be repulsive and feel guilt for having someone show you kindness through a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Let that barrier down. Accept the kindness that others want to share with you. Allow yourself to be pampered. Don't be on the defensive. You deserve to be hugged and comforted after going through such a loss. If you're all alone without any family, make arrangements with a friend to give you a "healing hug" if you look or feel like you need it. Bereaved children need lots of hugs to reassure them that they are still loved.
Trust
Trust yourself to know that you will recover from your grief. You may begin to question your trust in your spirituality. You will feel anger. You are in a stage of rediscovering yourself and how you will handle the future. You don't have to be alone in the decisions that you have to make, but if you are alone, do trust your instincts and ask for help when you don't know what to do.
Toil
Everyone grieves in different ways. Grieving is hard work. It is like toiling. It takes lots of energy from you. You will feel fatigue, struggle, difficulty, and not motivated to continue with life. You will need to eat healthy, exercise and take good care of your own well-being. Recognize that grief recovery will take effort on your part, but embracing support can help you not to feel like you are toiling so hard.
And the last but not least
Time
We all need time to grieve, but how long it takes depends on the individual. No one can accurately predict how long it will take for grief healing. Your friends and family may anticipate and expect a certain time frame. You may be tempted to set the same expectation that they have for you, but if you try to please others, then your grieving will become unresolved and you will find yourself confused and unable to move on. You will feel anger, guilt or depression if you are not able to finish the grieving process. Take time to grieve for your loved one until you are comfortable.
Every person is different and each makes their own way through the process. I remember a day, one year after my husband passed away, sitting in my car and crying so hard that I could hardly breath.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
