Kill a dream

Granted, but it turns out it is also the most offensive, racist word and when you utter it, Guantanamo Bay is opened just to lock you up in it.


I wish people stopped going on about X Factor.
 
Granted! But they've stopped going on about X-Factor because they've invented a new Z-Factor which is two worse than X. It has a longer running time, worse judges and crappier acts, even.

I wish I knew which FinalGear user left me a +rep message saying they harbor a secret, anonymous crush on me.:happy:
 
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Granted, the computer starts flickering violently and you picked a bad moment to discover you have epilepsy.

I wish I was a plane.
 
Granted, you now exist in two dimensions are are defined by three non-linear points.

I wish my laptop battery lasted longer.
 
Granted, it lasts about one second longer, and since you can't find out that, you forget to save your work before the battery cuts out, you get angry, you come here, post a FFFFFUUUU meme and get banned for eternity.



I wish I knew how to organize my time at the gym.
 
granted. Of the hour you have, 20 minutes to change into gym clothes and avoid the 'grab hands' in the mens locker room, 20 minutes to find your way to the equipment and arrange your iPod, towel and bottle of water, 5 minutes actually using the chosen piece of equipment, 15 minutes waiting for the ambluance and then 4 hours in A&E waiting to be seen to have the foreign body removed from a delicate place.

I wish that I had better reception on the TV
 
Granted, you now live directly in the path of a microwave repeater station at the base of the broadcast tower, you die horribly of metastasized cancer in a matter of months.

I wish this damn cough would go away.
 
Ooooh, Guppy's going to be stuck in that corner for a loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time

Granted. The cough leaves and is replaced with blinding headaches, constant bloody nose, tingling in the fingers and toes and green pus filled boils all over your body. Attempts at remedy all fail. You are declared a hazardous material and confined to live the rest of your days in a big pus-filled bubble
(but hey, we still love you :razz:)

I wish that I could meet a tall, dark, handsome and wealthy man who wants me as a pet.
 
granted, you're a dog, in a world of cats that are all bigger and stronger than you.

I wish I was better at everything (not brilliant, just a little better)...
 
Granted, you are minutely better at all of the things you do, which means darkshark0159 is still 500x better at everything.


I wish for a refill.
 
Granted. It overflows and spills into your lap. It burns and deforms your 'guppy-hood' severely so that no one will ever want to be near it. Not even blindfolded and unconscious on GBH.

I wish for a snow day tomorrow
 
Granted but it's 5 feet high.

I wish for enough funds to be out of debt and buy a new computer.
 
Sure, but you are locked into AT&T for life and you can never trade up from that handset.

I wish Norm MacDonald was funny (watching the roast of Bob Saget. Christ, that was pitiful.)
 
Granted. But now Bob Saget is so unfunny that watching him is actually bad for your health.

I wish I didn't have burning feet syndrome. People aren't even supposed to have it until they're 20...<_<
 
Granted, you now have burning hair syndrome.

I wish I could undo genetics and grow more hair on my head.
 
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