23-24 January: Auction-Weekend Gavel-Trap GP (Phoenix AZ)
Firebird International Raceway, Chandler AZ
"For every auction, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
6-7 February: Southern Discomfort (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Who says it never snows in South Carolina?"
20-21 February: Gator-O-Rama (Houston TX)
MSR Houston, Angleton TX
"Slide into the pond. We dare you."
6-7 March: Sears Pointless (San Francisco CA)
Infineon Raceway, Sonoma CA
"Come crash where the stars crash."
7 March: Concours d'LeMons Track Tour & Crapcan Fest (San Francisco CA)
Infineon Raceway, Sonoma CA
"Overlooking the lovely, peaceful cluster-F of Infineon's LeMons race."
17-18 April: American Irony (Detroit MI)
Gingerman Raceway, South Haven MI
"The chickens have come home to rust."
1-2 May: Cain't Git Bayou (New Orleans LA)
The Circuit at Grand Bayou, Belle Rose LA
"Get your dash signed by J?rgen Shrimp, lovable mascot of the Louisiana Region Mercedes-Benz Dealers."
8-9 May: Goin' For Broken 24-Hour (Reno NV)
Reno-Fernley Raceway, Fernley NV
"A.K.A '24 Hours of Snake Eyes.'"
29-30 May: LeMons South Spring (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Still-crazy after all these years."
5-6 June: North Dallas Hooptie (Dallas TX)
Eagle's Canyon Raceway, Decatur TX
"Bringing bad driving, terrible cars, and arbitrary rule enforcement to the northern half of Texas."
19-20 June: Capitol Offense (Washington DC)
Summit Point Motorsports Park, Summit Point WV
"From the fine folks who brought you the TARP."
10-11 July: The B.F.E. GP (Denver CO)
High Plains Raceway, Deer Trail CO
"One mile high and 60 miles from anything."
24-25 July: LeMons New England (Providence RI)
Stafford Motor Speedway, Stafford Springs CT
"Official home of the Cranky Yankee."
7-8 August: LeMons Arse-Sweat-Apalooza (San Francisco CA)
Thunderhill Raceway Park, Willows CA
"And you thought winter was bad here."
14 August: Concours d'LeMons (Monterey CA)
Toro Park, Monterey CA
"Where the elite meet to greet cars that excrete."
28-29 August: Mutually Assured Destruction of Omaha (Omaha NE)
Mid-America Motorplex, Pacific Junction IA
"Endurance racing on the world-famous ?mahanebr?skarring."
11-12 September: Yee-Haw, It's LeMons Texas (Houston TX)
MSR Houston, Angleton TX
"Watch the crotch-rot and athletes-foot race for your kneecaps."
25-26 September: LeMons South Fall (Charlotte NC)
Carolina Motorsports Park, Kershaw SC
"Just the tell the missus you're 'hiking the Appalachian Trail.'"
9-10 October: Detroit Bull Oil Grand Prix (Detroit MI)
Gingerman Raceway, South Haven MI
"This close, and Lutz still won't show up."
23-24 October: Rod Blagojevich Never-Say-Die 500 (Chicago IL)
Autobahn Country Club, Joliet IL
"From the city where 'Whacker' has multiple meanings."
20-21 November: Laissez les Crapheaps Roulez (New Orleans LA)
The Circuit at Grand Bayou, Belle Rose LA
"By 'let the crapheaps roll,' we didn't mean 'onto their roofs.'"
4-5 December: LeMons Arse-Freeze-Apalooza (Los Angeles CA)
Buttonwillow Raceway Park, Buttonwillow CA
"Lots of Celebrities, but mostly the upper-case kind."
30-31 December: 24 Horas de Cuba del Norte (Miami FL)
Palm Beach International Raceway, Jupiter FL
"Presented by Havana-Negila?, the original kosher-for-Passover rum."