Awesome Thread

http://www.ubersite.com/m/44557

Elementary school was not a good time for me. As hard as it may be for all of you to believe, I was not the rocking, confidence and oh so sexy stud you immediately associate with the words, comic, book, and guy.

In the year 1994, comicbookguy as you know him today did not exist. In his place was a short, nerdy, skinny little boy as opposed to the tall, handsome, and buff individual you ladies salivate too every night.

My mother parted my hair to the side. I had huge, thick coke bottle glasses. I had braces to fix my beaver sized teeth. I wore my pants over my belly button as to prepare for eventual wedgies from eight graders. I sniffed in mucous every five minutes and made that horrible "slurp" noise. I read comics during recess. I got beat up for lunch money, sometimes by girls. If I was a little rascal, even Alfalfa would kick my ass.

In short, I would be Ralph Wiggum's bitch.

It was midway through the fifth grade year at Edenward Elementary. I was ten years old. My teacher, the crockety old Mrs. McFarlen was giving a lesson on long division. I was eagerly raising my hand and answering questions with rapid fire as the kids behind me threw spit balls and pencils into the ceiling.

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the door...

...and In walked the most beautiful girl I had every sawed in my whole decade of existence.

Natasha Jenkins. 64 lbs of ten year old goodness. It was like sunshine on a cloudy day. Everything went in slow motion. My heart fluttered. I watched as she gracefully made her way to the seat beside me, elegantly dressed in her pretty pink bow and flowery dress.

I sighed. It was the first time a girl had stolen my heart and given me action in the pants.

"Class, this is Natasha. She will be joining us for the remainder of the year."

I did a quick survey of the class and saw that all of the boys were in similar trances. She was absolutely perfect. I needed to act fast.

As Mrs. McFarlen continued to write on the board, I shyly looked over at her and tried to flash her a small smile. Miraculously, she smiled back.

And threw an eraser at me.

"Buzz off turd," she said.

Take THAT, comicbookguy's pride.

In the weeks to come, Natasha quickly vaulted herself to the top of the popularity food chain, devouring even the most popular eight grade girls. She was not to be reckoned with. Everyone, and I mean everyone was afraid of her, even the coolest of the cool. No one dared defy her. She knew she could have any boy she wanted and that meant there was no room for a shrimpy kid with glasses to have even the remotest chance of getting any ten year old tail.

Severely depressed, I went home and went straight to bed on a hungry stomach. It could have been the hunger, but I as soon I fell asleep I started dreaming. In my dream, I was asking somebody for advice. Who would it be but the greatest pimp of all time, Snoop Doggy Dogg.

"How did you land fine ass bitches all the time snoop?" I asked him. "Sure the millions of dollars and giant negro penis help, but what else?"

"Look inside yourself Simba. You are more that what you have become."

"What?"

"Hey Mufasa get the fuck out of here," Snoop said. "You want his little brother. Second door on the right next to the bafroom."

"Oh sorry," Mufasa said.

"Ah shit, my beeper is beepin. 69 69 69. I gotsta go. Remember kid, all you need to know starts with a capital C. Confiddizzence ya know? Also, rememba, bitches love it when you act like you can do without them nah mean? Belee dat. By the way, I'm thinking of starting my own ice cream parlor. Gonna call it scoop dogg. Whatchoo think?

"Sounds good" I said. It was at that point when I awoke again. Snoops advice stayed fresh in my mind. I knew what I had to do.

Armed with renewed hope, I decided that my best chance now was to make my move at the school dance. Natasha was too cool to have a date, so there would be literally dozens of boys lining up to ask her to dance. I knew it would be no easy task, but by god, I was going to tap some ten year old ass that night. I wouldn't let snoop down.

I got to the school around seven thirty. I had bought a brand new shirt and pants, spiked my hair with this new hair gel I bought with my allowance, and got rid of the glasses. Sure it was a little hard to see but in reduced my geekiness factor by 75%.

I could see that Natasha was in the corner of the gym, surrounded by her girlfriends. I could also see that no boy had yet attempted to break through this impossible barrier. No one was willing to face the humiliation of the merciless teasing of a dozen ten year old girls subsequent to Natasha's rejection.

I knew I had to make my move soon.

I was extremely nervous. In fact, I was so nervous that I had to take a shit. I ran to the bathroom and sat on the stall. I was then hit with the urge to vomit. So I did. In my underwear. As I was sitting on the toilet.

Lucky, the security and sturdy material of fruit of the loom tighty whities kept the vomit in check, and none had come onto my pants. As gingerly as I could, I removed my pants, then my underwear, tossed the underwear in the toilet, and put my pants back on. I was going commando baby.

I waltzed back into the gymnasium, breathed out loud, and made my way to the group of girls. I was time to penetrate this impenetrable force.

I walked straight up to Natasha and smiled. She looked at me with a bored expression on her face.

"What, are you going to ask me to dance? You know what the answer is going to be."

I smiled. "Actually, no." I turned to her friend. "Cindy, would you like to dance?"

Cindy, who looked more then a little shocked, stammered "uh...."

She kept looking back and forth between myself and Natasha. Clearly, my new look was rapidly melting her heart, but she did not want incur the wrath of Miss Popularity.

Oh Uber, the jealousy.

"Her??" Natasha yelled. "You pick HER over ME?!"

I tried to remain calm. "Yes I do."

I went to grab Cindy's hand when Natasha grabbed me.

"You are going to dance, with ME. Got it? Not with....her" she said, as she made a disgusted head flick in Cindy's general direction.

I gave her an exasperated look. "FINE."

She grabbed my hand and started dragging me onto the dance floor when Cindy grabbed her dress and pulled her back.

"He asked ME first!" she yelled.

I couldn't believe it. I had two girls fighting over me.

"Ladies, ladies, there is plenty of me to go around," I said. "I can boogie down with the both of you." (boogie down being the thing to say at that time)

I spent the rest of the night dancing with both girls, all the while trying to keep them from going at each other's throats. All the other guys just stared in pure awe, admiration, and jealousy.

And the end of the night, Natasha gave me a tight hug while giving Cindy the evil eye.

"I'll see you on Monday" she said sweetly. I gave her the thumb and wink. Classic.

Cindy one upped her by kissing me on the cheek.

"Bye stud" she said.

I swear, Natasha would have frenched me right then and there had her dad not been waiting in the car.

Uber, my ten year old ass like, totally got laid that night. There was only one thing to do at a time like this: strut

:bow:
 
I think this commercial has earned its place in here.

[YOUTUBE]q-RLqLx1iYI[/YOUTUBE]
 
is that guy sitting on a dead whale, and is he petting the sharks that are feeding of it?

crazy ass hippies :eek:
 
wow - a full day without a post in the awesome-thread? :eek: :p

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Uc8JVhxUBg[/youtube]

or is this just cool? and should it go in the other thread?
sometimes it's hard taking those decisions :lol:

(but i still think this one gets more viewers than the cool videos one, so i posted here :p)
 
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Reactions: Jon
I would most certainly say that's awesome. :eek:
 
And mythbusters has proven that it can be done!!
 
https://pic.armedcats.net/t/th/the_interceptor/2009/12/23/1261550077728.jpg
 
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[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5TJApnJ8X8[/YOUTUBE]
 
So that's how I'll die. In a skirt, pantyhose and corset...

Probably taking out only parts of the scenery while compleetly missing the target :mrgreen:
 
Alas it is only on Vimeo, but still. [vimeo]8118831[/vimeo]

EDIT: <gasp> Thank you, Ice.
 
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PHP:
[vimeo]8118831[/vimeo]

Also, Vimeo has always had better quality videos than youtube.
 
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