I have never game

True

I have never prank called myself
 
True

I have never failed to lodge a tax return on time
 
True, though I have never lodged a tax return.

I have never gone back in time and shot my own grandfather, forcing myself to cease to exist, and therefore meaning that I never went back in time and shot my own grandfather, and that I means I was born after all, and that means I went back in time and shot my own grandfather, thus dividing the universe by 0.
 
True, though I have never lodged a tax return.

I have never gone back in time and shot my own grandfather, forcing myself to cease to exist, and therefore meaning that I never went back in time and shot my own grandfather, and that I means I was born after all, and that means I went back in time and shot my own grandfather, thus dividing the universe by 0.
 
The fact that it got double posted makes it epic.

False. I did go back in time and I shot my grandfather but then had sex with my gra... I can't finish that sentence without vomiting all over the desk. True

I never decided to build a time machine and go back in time to when I decided to build a time machine to prevent myself from building a time machine thereby not making the time machine causing the time machine to disappear into thin air.
 
False, as a wise man has already stated 'Timey Wimey, Wibbly Wobbly' time can be altered and changed.

I have never been able to go a day without making some reference to Doctor Who.
 
False

I have never had this happen to me (sorry for the awkward sentence structures, it's hard to review what you type when you're on an iPod)
I was an orphan girl found in 1945, and I grew up to meet a drifter in 1963, who got me impregnated and mysteriously left. The doctors found during my pregnancy that I had both sets of sexual organs, and that I needed a sex change in order to save my life. To make matters worse, someone had stolen the baby from the infirmary ward. So I ended up becoming a drifter, and in 1973 I shared my story with a lonely barman in a tavern on the edge of town. He listened, and told me I could get my revenge if I join the Time Travel Corps. So I agreed. He took me to 1963, where I found myself strangely attracted to this orphan girl. Meanwhile, the barman takes a trip to 9 months later, and steals a baby from the infirmary ward. He then takes the baby to an orphanage in 1945, and came back to 1963 to pick me up. He then took me to 1987, when he said "you are now part of the Time Travel Corps". Eventually, I became a respected member. My final act, before I retired was to disguise myself as a bartender and travel back to 1973 to fulfil my destiny.
 
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wtf...?

I have never punched a 1 year old in the face.
 
True.

I have never killed a co-worker and disposed of their body down a disused tin mine.
 
True. Coal mine. err...i mean... True.

I have never firebombed someone's house.
 
True

I have never wasted alcohol setting somone on fire.
 
True.

I have never set a person on fire.
 
False. Wasn't on purpose, I swear.

I have never operated a bulldozer.
 
False. But apparently never will again (yes, that bad).

I have never had a heavy vehicle license.
 
True

I have never miscalculated when driving a car over a mechanical pit
 
True

I have never spun out on a roundabout
 
False.

I have never watched an episode of Top Gear without my toy dog on my lap.
 
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