Random Thoughts....

Spoilered for really emo crap:

Packing to leave my apartment's been really sad. I got a paper shredder yesterday and started going through all the old papers and things I didn't want to move. Most of them seemed to be from a time when I was really depressed--I guess that's when I neglected to use things like, ohhhh...trash cans for old papers I didn't need anymore. Holy crap, I feel like the past six years or so has been nothing but doctor's visits and utter crap now. There were a LOT of doctor's notes that I went through. Eek. There were lots of bank statements that showed how I'd tried to buy things to make me feel better, even though that didn't work. Then there was a lot of classwork that I'd done a crappy job on but knew I could've done SO much better on if I'd have felt good enough to try. Every now and then, I'd find a card or a note from someone who'd thought of me and those--even though they're the high points--almost made me feel worse. How stupid was I not to realize that people cared about me and would've probably helped me out a bit more if I'd have just asked? I think I probably failed a lot of things because I didn't want to tell anyone what I was really dealing with--that was associated with emokids and the mentally...off. When I'd start feeling down again, I'd feel bad even telling people who knew I had issues with depression what was going on. I'm supposed to have gotten over it and moved on. I had the hardest time caring about a lot of things and I guess the problem wasn't that I didn't care, but that I had trouble expressing that I really did care. I know I did that with people, too. I just kind of...withdrew from everyone. I found a lot of things from my grandpa, who I miss quite a lot--I don't know if I ever really was there like I should have been in his last few years.

I still just kind of feel like I've failed a bit. It took me forever just to get out of college when most of my friends have moved on by now. I know that's a skewed view because not everyone even goes to college, but I do feel like I've turned out to be quite a disappointment anyway.

Oh well. At least that's over with.
When I said I had to go through papers that I wanted to shred...then set on fire......then set that fire on fire with more fire, I wasn't kidding.

Time to clean myself up and keep packing. The sooner I'm out of here, the sooner I can move on to something else.

For what it's worth, which probably ain't much, I feel your pain. :hug:

Hopefully you have or will have better luck than I... for a few months now I've been trying to be open and accept the support of my loved ones, but so far it's not done me too much good or if it has it's not palpable to me. Oh well, I guess something that went on for years can't be undone in a few short months.
 
After tomorrow it's that time where I sit in the prayer room, and cross fingers, toes, eyes and anything else. Wish me luck guys.
Good luck! I'm squeezing my thumbs, which is the local equivalent of crossing my fingers. :)
 
A hug for coco, chookas for LP and a yay for Zesty.

Finally, I believe I have confidence to pass my driving test. I just don't want false hope like last time.
 
Finally, I believe I have confidence to pass my driving test. I just don't want false hope like last time.

You will take it easy, take a deep breath and be awesome.

Good luck.
 
I kept captain_70s up all night talking on AIM and Mom just informed me not to bother sleeping now because she will wake me up in 3 hours

Karma is a bitch. :|
 
The next FG couple?
 
So, when you get tired and grumpy, we'll know why

:cool:
 
Do you know that a plane ticket from Boston to England is $1300 just for one way? :|
Fuck you airports. Doesn't help I would get there feeling somewhat violated by airport security either......
 
Somewhere in this half-packed apartment IS a cozybox! Maybe two cozyboxes? I had to split up the Puffalumps between two boxes.
 
Lovers in despair? Cupit to the rescue!
Do you know that a plane ticket from Boston to England is $1300 just for one way? :|[...]
Amsterdam - Boston / Boston - Amsterdam with Delta cost my employer 600 ? (790$) last year for me. That?s 390$ 395$ per way.
Love can come cheap, if you want to!

:bunny:
 
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More emo shit here:
I'm going through a time at the moment where I'm realising who are actually my true friends - it seems many of the people I've wasted my time with over the years are not these people. One of my best friends for instance has changed notably over the past months, and we have been drifting apart. We could talk for hours and be pleased to see eachother not three months ago, but now it seems it is a chore. It seems the last thing they want to do these days is talk to me. I have a suspicion that this is down to her boyfriend, who is an unmistakably collossal arsehole who is thick as a post and doesn't appear to like anyone who doesn't basically brown nose him. He doesn't like me, or my best friend, as neither of us have sucked up to him as much as the others. I have been nothing but nice to him, displayed nothing but true politeness, yet he shows nothing but rudeness and just downright dickishness to us. Even going out of his way to be an arsehole towards me, and I don't understand it. I have even made an effort to contact him and try to make amends for whatever it is that appears to be up his arse (of course I didn't use those words), and he has none of it.

This leads neatly to another issue: I'm so sick of people being followers. In my group of friends, there is a very noticable heirachy. There is one person who has ultimate control, luckily he is a good person (and one of the people whom I still would call a friend) and doesn't abuse that. Anyway, anything he does, it seems everyone else follows. People who cannot or do not want to make up their own minds really get to me. This leads me onto my other 'friends', who take the sides of people who are not even their friend but people with whom they want to curry favour. This does not make sense to me, why would you distance yourself from your friends in order to appeal more to someone who isn't and likely won't be your friend?

Okay, fair enough, I hope to distance myself from the people with whom I don't wish to associate so much, and move towards the people I do, people who are truly good and nice people. Trouble is, at the end of the year, two of them are moving. And I know as well as anyone, you say you'll keep contact, you make an effort to do so for a while; a month, maybe a year, but after that you're lucky if you ever see them again. It's happened before with my close friends and while I'm going to try my best to stop it happening again, I fear I won't be able to.

tl;dr, fuck people.

I wouldn't normally post shit like this here or even to anyone else, but I feel that is one of the reasons I feel quite so shit.
 
Also the walk to college is going to be fun, its snowy and freezing cold and I can barely walk due to my knee being ruined. <_<
Why don't you just walk to a doctor instead of college today to get something done about your knee?

Unlike the US, we still have a functioning healthcare system (well, until our respective conservative governments take it away from us), so do something about your pain!
 
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Pray your governments never decide to use the US idea of universal health care, it has me legally required to pay them 1000$ a year for health insurance through my state school that doesn't even cover the vaccinations required to be admitted. :|
I am sick and afraid to go to the doctor right now because I can't afford the tests or the office visit.
 
The whole idea of European universal healthcare is free access to all basic and most advanced treatments. At least in the current system i won't see a doctor bill unless i decide to have cosmetic surgery or visit a dentist's.
 
Why don't you just walk to a Doctor instead of college today [...] so do something about your pain!
Quite a lot of types of pain are not "cureable", especially the ones that come from damages or strain to bones or/and cartilage. Back/schoulder/knee are the usuall suspects for pain "they can?t do shit about". Except give you Drugs you can?t do anything when under legally. Don?t know if his is one of those types - but maybe cut him a bit more slack. There is a lot of stuff even the best Doctors can?t do anything about than tell you "live with it" or (even "better") like a buddy of mine was told after having had surgery on his knee twice "if it still hurts when you move it, don?t move it".
 
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The whole idea of European universal healthcare is free access to all basic and most advanced treatments. At least in the current system i won't see a doctor bill unless i decide to have cosmetic surgery or visit a dentist's.
Yeah, I hate "universal healthcare" here because it's like calling those Fiero kit cars a real Ferrari. I'm not sure what mine covers because it hasn't covered anything yet. :|
My mother does have a state healthcare that covers things that is free, but before the bill passed she could actually afford to pay for one and then it became more expensive. They made her add prescription coverage that made prescriptions cost more.

Quite a lot of types of pain are not "cureable", especially the ones that come from damages or strain to bones or/and cartilage. Back/schoulder/knee are the usuall suspects for pain "they can?t do shit about". Except give you Drugs you can?t do anything when under legally. Don?t know if his is one of those types - but maybe cut him a bit more slack. There is a lot of stuff even the best Doctors can?t do anything about than tell you "live with it" or (even "better") like a buddy of mine was told after having had surgery on his knee twice "if it still hurts when you move it, don?t move it".
Fair point. One of the reasons I don't want to bother with doctors is I am sick of getting diagnosis of basically "oops, sucks for you" :/
 
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Quite a lot of types of pain are not "cureable", especially the ones that come from damages or strain to bones or/and cartilage. Back/schoulder/knee are the usuall suspects for pain "they can?t do shit about". [...] but maybe cut him a bit more slack.
He said in another thread that he hasn't seen a doctor about it IIRC.
 
I am too bitter about medical crap
Lets look at this meerkat I am using as art reference instead


meerkat-0025.jpg

Aw, fuzzy.
 
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