Every Chicago-area gearhead knows that I-90 between, say, Schaumburg and Hoffman Estates should be renamed the Jane Addams Perpetual Track Day. Three lanes of dead-straight tollway, always well-packed with cars owned by people with money. So, while driving inbound today, it was no surprise to see someone in a Cayman S. It was also no surprise to see someone in a Cayman S start driving like a total idiot, pulling lane changes at 85 or so in spaces that would cause trouble for a Fiat 500. After a few of these showing-off moves, he got into a hooning contest with, of all things, an old Ford Fiesta. You can guess who won that one. Since I hate Porsches with a passion (blame 911 Burnout), I did what any user of Final Gear would do: cranked up Sisters of Mercy's "This Corrosion" on the MP3 player, matched the Cockster's speed, and decided to give him a little ego check by pulling to within Audi Distance. My message was clear: "My little Japanese shitbox can do 95 too and I paid a fifth of what you paid, you couldn't afford a 911, and your engine sounds like ass." After a minute or so of this, I needed to pull off, so my fun was ended.
Yeah, the driver was definitely balding and fat. No, not me, the Cockster's pilot.