Threads from a German car forum...

MacGuffin

MacGuffin

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Wilhelmshaven, Germany
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'17 Ford Mustang GT Fastback
Here are some threads from an imaginery German car discussion forum. I took the liberty of translating it into English. Bear with me if the expressions should not be accurrate ;)

Have fun!

Lamborghini Forum: Wind noise at 205 mp/h. What should I do?

Audi A8 Forum: Where can I have my Rolex repaired?

Fiat Forum: Hello? Am I the only one in here?

Mercedes C-Class Forum: Last Sunday on the way to the bakery my Mercedes got wet. What now?

MX-5 Forum: Some redneck moron drove his VW Touareg over my car!!

VW Touareg Forum: There?s a Mazda MX-5 stuck under my chassis. How do I get it out again?

Renault Forum: Selling monthly season ticket ? car came back earlier from garage, than expected.

Bentley Forum: I used the ashtray today. How do I replace it?

Porsche Cayenne Forum: Fuel consumption above 6 mpg ? engine damage?

Smart Forum: Put bike engine in. Finally more power!

Camaro Forum: My girlfriend slept with my brother and his wife. How can I kill them? I?m previously convicted and won?t go to jail again!

Mustang Forum: Some half wit in a Civic tried to overtake me today.

Civic Forum: Some half wit in a Mustang tried to overtake me today.

Honda Accord Forum: Mommy gave me her car. Looking for cheap 18? rims.

VW Jetta Forum: I?m mad! Everybody says it?s just a Golf with a rucksack.

Vauxhall Forum: My Nova hasn?t got any rust! HONESTLY! (Deleted by Admin)

MX-5 Forum: Can I drive a girl?s car as a man?

Lexus-Forum: Where do I get VW style rear lights?

BMW M3 Forum: Where the f.ck do I get Golf Mk. III exterior rear mirrors?

Corolla E10 Forum: I?m disappointed of the quality of my E10, after 150.000 miles the speedo screen got some scratches!!!!

Viper Forum: Smart in air intake! How do I get it out again??

Ford Fiesta Forum: Help! I?ve got a sewing machine under the bonnet!

Seat Marbella Forum: I could keep up with a lorry today!

BMW 3-series E36 Forum: Where?s da next f.cking cool kebab stand in town?

Trabant Forum: I?m new in here. Where do I mount the fuel pump?

Trabant Forum: Was at a Mercedes garage, got a new engine, running, then not, running, then not, running, then not, running, etc. What now? => edited: Called Mercedes. They put a windscreen wiper motor in. I switched off the interval, now it runs smoothly.

Hummer Forum: Got my bumper bent a bit today. 24 injured, 10 dead. Is it mandatory to buy the black paint at the Hummer dealer? He?s 15 miles away. That would cost me 30 quid on petrol!

Mercedes 190D Forum: The guy I sold it to has a question ? does anyone speak Kisuaheli?

Yugo Forum: When was the last time yours worked?

Honda Civic CRX Forum: My neighbour?s dog sleeps in my exhaust pipe, can I start the engine anyway??

Mercedes Forum: My wife and her stinking lawyer are trying to rip me off. How can I get rid of both without losing my doctor title?

Toyota Forum: Got 200.000 miles, when does it finally break?

Polo Forum: Got it lowered down but now I cannot reach the speaker at the McDrive anymore. Any ideas?

Ferrari Forum: Looking for advice concerning a business trip to Colombia. Wanna get fast in and fast out again.

Porsche Forum: I?ve got a flat tyre ? is it cheaper to sell the car myself or should I consult my dealer?

Twingo-Forum: Now available: Headlight lids made from genuine horsehair!

Fiat-Forum: Is there a life outside the garage?

BMW 7-series Forum: Help, I programmed it falsely ? how do I get the ashtray shut again...?

Daewoo Forum: How, when, why...? Are we driving American muscle cars now? Huh?

Mercedes S-Class Forum: Looking for an adequate second car for use on foggy days.

Toyota Prius-Forum: Is there a phaser bank available as extra??

Toyota Aygo Forum: Everyone is asking me how big the Kinder Surprise egg was, which the car had been in and if it was difficult to assemble!!

Smart-Forum: How do I get rid of the trolley with the chain and the plastic chip in it?
 
welcome!

repost.
 
Thanks a lot everyone!

The first one is always the hardest :)

Greetings,

Frank
 
Heh, welcome thos are quite funny
 
I'm not sure, though, that all of them translate well into English, since some are specific German jokes. So if someone doesn't get one, please ask :)

Greetings,

Frank
 
Thanks for the laugh :lol:
 
MacGuffin said:
I'm not sure, though, that all of them translate well into English, since some are specific German jokes. So if someone doesn't get one, please ask :)
Click to expand...

^

MacGuffin said:
BMW 3-series E36 Forum: Where?s da next f.cking cool kebab stand in town?

Trabant Forum: I?m new in here. Where do I mount the fuel pump?
Click to expand...

When I was in Germany it seemed like kebabs were loved by most. D?nerkebab, that is. I'm assuming 3-series drivers are supposed to be assholes. So why would assholes be looking for food everyone likes? I'm lost.

As for the Trabant, I don't know where to start. :lol:
 
Last edited:
Welcome....and good post :D
 
Prost264 said:
When I was in Germany it seemed like kebabs were loved by most. D?nerkebab, that is. I'm assuming 3-series drivers are supposed to be assholes. So why would assholes be looking for food everyone likes? I'm lost.

As for the Trabant, I don't know where to start. :lol:
Click to expand...

Well, to answer your questions: The clich? says that the BMW 3-series is very popular among young Turks in Germany, who act very macho and speak a certain slang called "D?ner-Deutsch".

Concerning the Trabant: That former East German "Volkswagen" has a 2-cylinder two-stroke engine with 26 HP and therefore does not have a fuel pump ;)

Trabant jokes have been popular ever since the car came into existence. The body is made of a special kind of plastic called "Duroplast" which resultad in the nickname "race cardboard" among Trabant fans. The car is also notorious for its lack of reliability.

Typical Trabant jokes go like this:

"Have you heard of the new sport version of the Trabant? It's got a pair of sneakers in the boot".

Greetings,

Frank
 
MacGuffin said:
Concerning the Trabant: That former East German "Volkswagen" has a 2-cylinder two-stroke engine with 26 HP and therefore does not have a fuel pump ;)

Trabant jokes have been popular ever since the car came into existence. The body is made of a special kind of plastic called "Duroplast" which resultad in the nickname "race cardboard" among Trabant fans. The car is also notorious for its lack of reliability.
Click to expand...

Also, it smells terrible and blows blue/gray smoke. My uncle used to have a Trabant and one night drove it home after drinking and cops pulled him over for a broken taillight. He says they couldn't smell his breath because of the Trabant, so they let him off.


Can you feel the awfulness?

1983.trabant.P601L.arp.jpg
 
I don't understand this one:

"Mercedes 190D Forum: The guy I sold it to has a question ? does anyone speak Kisuaheli?"
 
DTMracer said:
I don't understand this one:

"Mercedes 190D Forum: The guy I sold it to has a question ? does anyone speak Kisuaheli?"
Click to expand...

Currently the African market for used cars is booming. So in recent years used cars - especially used diesel cars - are more and more bought by dealers who ship them off to Africa. And used Mercedes Diesels are particularly popular in Africa.

Those African dealers practically buy every car they can get their hands on, even scrap cars. These cars then get a second life in Africa where they are repaired and sold again on used car markets.

Obviously there is a profit in this because it has become hard for a private person to buy a used Diesel from an advert these days. Usually the Africans have been there before and are actually fighting among each other over getting to the most interesting cars first, before anyone else does.

When I sold my Mk. IV Golf TDI two years ago, they practically rang me out of bed at 4 o'clock in the morning, having come from 100 km away just to be the first to get their hands on my car. I got 53 messages on my answering machine that day. It felt like being under siege.

Greetings,

Frank
 
Welcome MacGruffin. A fellow Northerner, finally! Enjoy your stay on this Bavarian infested forum. Well some of the other Germans here might claim they aren't Bavarians but hey, we all know what begins south of the Elbe. ;)

This is a bit of a repost which pops up once in a while but since it has become more of a "German car quirks topic" I'll let it run.
 
Nice reading, especially liked the BMW E36 one - it's frightfully near the truth!

But I doubt that you got that Civic / Mustang battle form a German forum as well. ;)
 
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