Some of you will know my story, but most won't, since I keep my private life quite close to my chest, but this needs to be said.
My dad is a sadistic bastard. He gave me a job 8 years ago after I, due to my own fault, flunked English uni and was generally in a place in my life I wasn't really comfortable with no direction apart from downhill. He gave me a roof over my head and some financial stability. I suppose that's his one saving grace in all this. But that fact alone doesn't save him from a lifetime of psychological abuse and scare tactics.
The man doesn't behave like a father should. Nothing is ever good enough, nothing he does could possibly be wrong, not once does he even say a simple "thank you" to anything I've done. Never has he said that he's proud of me and apologized for something he's done that's visibly hurt people around him. And still I persisted in trying to appease him or impress him or make him proud, because I was so delusional in my conviction that this family stands a chance of, or is in fact worth, saving. I guess there really is such a thing as Stockholm syndrome.
I won't go into detail as to what was the last straw, but it happened last night and today I'm going to confront him and let all of it out. I don't care how much he yells or raves or even tries to become physical, I'll say my piece, through a wall of tears, if I have to.
I'm still collecting my thoughts, my heart is racing and I'm barely holding back the tears. This will crush my mom, she has done nothing to deserve it, but then again, she's also done nothing to prevent it...
The most likely outcome is that I'll get fired and thrown out of the house, but I plan on leaving calmly and collectedly. I keep telling myself that I'm not afraid of him anymore, but to tell the truth, I'm scared shitless. I will, however, keep my composure and do this. I'm 28 years old, I have no reason to stand here and take the continual abuse that's been pouring my way for as long as I remember. I bet most of my behaviour is in fact a subtle form of rebellion against his authority, which ends today.
My half brother had an easier way out. For starters he lived with his mom (in the same town) and ran off to the capital where he's made a life for himself and is happily married. All of this he did very discretely and under the radar, not wanting to involve him in any way. A few weeks ago him, his sister and me had a meeting to discuss our lives under him, but that's maybe a story for another thread, the point is that it was only at that point that I learned what they had gone through after his divorce with their mom. I really had no idea how difficult they had it.
So after I've composed my little speech, I shall go confront him and this might be the last time in a while you hear from me, even though I do have mobile means of reaching the internet, but this thread won't really be high on my list of priorities.
Wish me luck.